If I had to chose one word to describe myself, it would be naïve. I used to think that everyone went through the same things, just at different times. I thought that depression was a stage. That I felt suicidal when my friends didn't simply because I went through puberty earlier than they did. I was playing a game during my senior year of high school that was kind of like never have I ever, except everyone sits in a circle and instead of putting fingers up, if you had done what was said, you moved to the seat to your left. One of the statements was "been slapped across the face". I figured everyone would move. I mean, who hasn't been slapped across the face by a scolding parent, right? Wrong. Almost none of my friends moved, and those who did had a very different reason than I did.

Wish because you cannot face
The work it takes to put in place;
The time put in to win a race.
Wish to win without a trace.
A trace of work, and time, and care.
To win without getting "there".
But, where is "there", if "there" is here?
If what you wish for is not clear,
Could it be that what you wish,
Was without thought, and foolish?
For, what you wish, you already own.
All you need, is to make it known.

Scratched cheek,
Scarred arm,
No one noticed any harm.
Tired face,
Tear-stained eyes,
No one sees she never tries.
Second guessing.
She's never sure.
No one reaches out to her.
In need of help,
She never begs.
No one sees her shaky legs.
Hidden thoughts,
And dangerous lies,
No one saw her self demise.
She had been faithful.
She had never gone running.
No one even saw it coming.
Scratched cheek,
Scarred arm,
All too late, they saw the harm.

Being different is okay,
Even if you don't get your way.
If in you, others place their trust,
Then trusting in yourself is a must.
When you are happy with who you are,
Then you will know that you have come far.
Being different is okay
When you don't allow anyone to stand in your way,
And you are able to defend your differences.

You are always there,
Even if I am not being fair.
You will always be by my side,
Through all the truths, and all the lies.
Even when I don't believe,
You always help me to succeed.
Even though we sometimes fight,
You always help me choose what's right.
You will always be my friend.
Up until the very end.

I was told I shouldn't.
I was told I should change.
I was told I couldn't,
Or I would be strange.

I wasn't allowed
To share what I thought.
I had to say instead
What I was taught.

I would get into trouble.
I would be hurt.
Unless I was humble,
I'd be no better than dirt.

I didn't listen.
I'm not a freak.
I am myself.
I am unique.

I live in verse,
And speak in rhyme.
There's no way out;
It's all the time.

My breath's a pulse,
I love in style.
I'm friends with stanzas,
There's no denial.

Consumed in poems,
My heart is filled
With peace, and fun.
I'm joyed and thrilled.

I take a breath,
I mean, a pulse.
I can't escape,
It's all impulse.

HELLO
AM I THINKING TOO LOUD
AM I BOTHERING YOU
ARE MY LOUD
but silent
THOUGHTS BOTHERING YOU
HELLO
CAN YOUR HEAR MY THOUGHTS
CAN YOU HEAR MY ANGER
DO YOU KNOW THAT
even though I'm not talking,
I'M UPSET
CAN YOUR HEAR THAT I HATE YOU
ARE MY THOUGHTS BOTHERING YOU
AM I THINKING TOO LOUD

Goodbye,
To the best,
And the worst year I've ever known
This year,
I found myself,
And I lost myself,
And I found myself again.
I played it safe,
And I took risks.
I stayed up late,
And I woke up early.
I put others ahead of me,
But I never forgot about myself.
I met the best people I've ever known,
And forgot about the worst.
I will continue to grow,
And will never forget
What this year has given me.
Goodbye,
To the best,
And the worst year I have ever known.

I want to scream it to the world!
you all missed out!
another beautiful soul!
gone, forever!
we can't keep living like this!
we can't keep losing innocent people!
I want to scream it to you!
everyone needs a little saving!
you need to see when people need help!
you need to help!
I want to say it to myself.
stop placing the blame on everyone else.
I could've saved someone.
I could've helped.

I promise to love you,
deeper,
and longer,
and stronger than ever before.
I promise to try,
but never to pry.
I promise to fight
only for you,
and never with you.
For fighting with you,
would mean that I am not truly with you.
I promise to always be on your side,
and never to hide.
I promise to hold you close,
no matter how far you really are.
I promise to listen,
and make sure I am heard.
More than all that, I promise a word.
I promise to love you
deeper,
and longer,
and stronger than ever before,
each and every day.

I think back to when I met you
And I wish that I knew
How you would make me feel.
You send chills down my spine,
And shorten my breath
Just from a smile,
A hello,
Or a text.
I don't know if you've known,
But you're so special.
You're different from the rest.

how do I explain to this person I've never met when it's already too late
miss,
your son
he really means a lot to me
no, miss, I didn't know him but-
no, miss, I couldn't save him but-
but miss, I could've saved him if I had known him
miss,
your son, he just needed to feel loved
he just needed someone to trust
your son, miss, I almost was him
I was saved though, miss
miss, I'm sorry about your son
I didn't know him miss,
but he really means a lot to me

Really, who are all these new people?
You call them your "best friends" but I know that that's bull.
They've been around for the laughs and the fun,
But they don't know the you when the day is all done.
They haven't known you for even a year.
They haven't been there through a single tear.
You haven't taken them into your fights.
They didn't comfort you on your rough nights.
You didn't contribute to their very best days.
And I guess you can be "best friends" in all different ways,
But I sit up at night and constantly wonder
About that secretive blanket that you keep them under,
And I hope that it's never been that way with me
Even if our bond isn't as easy.
Let's face it,
I came to you in one of life's different stages.
You were difficult to get through to and you kept your emotions in cages.
You let me in slowly, and I did the same.
Our conversations never had a moment of embarrassment or shame.
You now know my whole soul, the cons and the pros.
You've been by my side through the highs and the lows.
I know for the others, you can't say the same.
So, why is it that amongst their lists of "best friends", is your name?

Is hurt, really hurt, if nobody knows the pain that you feel?
Is pain, really pain, if you don't complain?
Is it real?
If you keep it inside, did you really hide the way that you feel?
Is what you feel, really real?

I have not written
in so long
Because everything I think of
just seems wrong.
My pen hits the paper
And my hand starts to shake
My body's so tired
And my head always aches.

I'm sorry,
that I couldn't have been what you wanted.
but then,
how
could I have been what you wanted
if I didn't know what that was?
you see,
I've always blamed myself
for breaking our world.
but,
this was a two way street.
I can't read minds,
I don't have superpowers.
if you want something,
you have to tell me what you want.
relationships aren't about guessing.
relationships aren't about reading minds.
I'm not sorry,
that I couldn't guess what you wanted.
as for you not being what we needed,
I'm sorry.

I said I wouldn't write about you anymore,
but,
suddenly the words are flowing out of me
faster than the current down a river
during a storm.
I said I didn't care about you anymore,
but,
oh man, it really hurt to hear it coming from you.
it's like my brain said that I didn't care,
but my heart didn't get the memo.
and when my brain said I wouldn't write,
my hand must not have been there.
I know I said I wouldn't write about you anymore,
but,
after this, I can't make any more promises.

two words I wish I never knew.
oh, why'd I have to learn?
without these words,
the world might shake.
but, that's a risk I'd like to take.

two words I wish I never knew.
oh, why'd I have to learn?
please tell me why
I have to feel.
they are just words, they are not real.

two words I wish I never knew.
oh, why'd I have to learn?
love is one
and hate is two.
without these words, would you be you?

two words I wish I never knew.
oh, why'd I have to learn?
I promise you,
I'd feel the same
without a word, a phrase, a name.

two words I wish I never knew.
oh why'd I have to learn?
if there were no
love or hate,
would you still call us fate?

**two words I wish I never knew.
oh, why'd I have to learn?
without these words,
we could exist.
those two words would not be missed.

everytime I try to laugh,
I somehow cry, instead.
and yet,
in awful situations
when I should be crying,
for some reason,
I laugh.
how strange it is,
that such opposing things
can use up so much of the
same energy.
and my subconscious
can confuse reactions.
so, maybe,
just maybe,
that explains why
I laughed when
you left me.

poetry is just another way of crying

I don't write for you, anymore
I don't care if the way my sentences intertwine don't please you, anymore
you don't deserve to understand what I write, anymore
you don't get to question my decisions, anymore
there is no "us", anymore
you aren't you, anymore
after this poem, I don't write for you,
anymore.

every time we meet,
you take my breath away.
I am constantly left speechless
by your ability
to make me forget
how to formulate sentences.
you connect with me
in a way no one else can,
filling me up
from bottom to top.
I accept
your embrace.
you are a part of me.
how can I ever let you go.

please, don't forget about me.
I know that you told me you won't,
but everyone lies once in a while.
please, don't forget about me.
you said I was too important,
but you'll meet new people, so
please, don't forget about me.
as the world changes,
and you go through it and grow,
please, don't forget about me.
we went through a lot together,
but now you'll go through more on your own.
please, don't forget about me.
as more distractions come your way,
even if you can only remember for a little while,
please*, don't forget about me.

everyone tells you to
speak up
when you're in pain
speak up
when you're lonely
speak up
when you're quiet
speak up
but when you
speak up
everyone tells you to
shut up
when you're quiet, lonely, and in pain
and you
speak up
shut up
when you say you want to die
shut up
and when you're dead
you should've
spoken up
so which is it
should I
speak up
or should I
shut up

it's crazy how important the color red is to teenagers.
to everyone, red stands for love, and lust and passion.
but for us, it's so much more.
red is the color of anger, something that we hold for fake friends.
red is the color of our blood shot eyes after hours of crying about our ex.
red is the color of our rosy cheeks when we're embarrassed, and the tips of our ears when we're excited.
red is the color teachers use to mark up our papers, and red is the color spray paint we use to indicate our phases of rebellion.
red is the color of our first kiss.
red is the color of our innocence being taken away.
red is the color of the heart on Instagram after we like a picture, and red is the color of the brightest smile.
red is the color of the nicest sunset.
red can be the color of a cut, if we get too sad and it can be all we see when we get too mad.
red is all of these things, some things good, and others bad.
and we are just like red.