I never said I'd wait forever
So then how did you know?
Know that you could leave, could vanish
And come back to still find me here
Years later in the same spot you left me in
My life had become one miserable scene
Of a world without you
And just like that you come back to flip the script
I never loved you because I needed you.
I needed you because I loved you.
You're who taught me how to breathe
Please don't steal my air again.

You were a whirlwind of moments
A tornado that swept in and left
Faster than all the destruction behind could ever prove
Quicker than I could ever stop
There was no chance in outrunning you
You reached the finish line
Before I could even find the track
You don't know though, and that's a shame
You'll always be my favorite disaster

You're an expert at picking the best times
To hit me with the hardest lines
For me to hear you say.
Drop me from 60 to 0 faster
Than a bullet heading my way.
I was so good without you
Why'd you have to show me better
I could have been fine with good enough
Now I'll know what I'm missing forever.

Why do we think the first time's enough
To know who's not or is worth to love
We jump in blindfolded, left wide open
Unaware of the lies in promises spoken
Soulmate; what a beautiful disguise
A bitter, unattainable void it hides
Who appears to be what puts you together
The first love you'll remember forever
Will rip you apart quicker than it begun
Cause the one you thought would be the one
Was just the first, was just a setter
For all the others who'll help you forget her

If love is a drug, then she is ecstasy
one touch to your tongue
and your whole world expands.
But what if love were measured by the spilling of clouds?
Then, my dear, she'd be a hurricane
with all warning to stay inside.

Everyone can see it's you
the crack that makes me break
But how it must blur my vision
with every step I take.
Cause all I've ever seen is you
I've been walking towards your hand.
You're the only one who's ever gotten me
even the parts I can't understand.
Buried deep inside of me
is the truth I'll never tell
You should get it, after all
you're who taught me to lie so well.
So just keep bending me with every turn you take
Bend me with every pretty line you fake
I think I've left it pretty clear.
You've got me on your beaten path,
I let you **** me baby,
you broke me right in half.

Did you cry at all?
Writing that goodbye letter.
Did a single tear fall from your stone cold eyes?
As you signed it ever so casually
Like this was some kind of business transaction.
Scribbled on the back of an old receipt
Was that all you could find?
Or did you think that was all it was worth?
Your last words, the last thing we’d ever get from you.
The last piece we’d ever have of you.
And you couldn’t even give us a real sheet of paper?

The tape of that day never seems to run out of film
Like a scratched record that can’t seem to move to the next verse
The questions are stuck on replay in my mind

Did it hurt?
As your face finally met that concrete finish line
Did you feel it like we felt it?
A suckering black hole absorbing everything we had left in our lives.
Our whole world shattered like glass thrown to the pavement
Like a punch to the gut over and over and over.
Crouched in a permanent position of defeat
Did you feel any of that?
Or was that just reserved for us?

Well of course it was.
While you found yourself a dead end
We seem to have fallen into a patch of quicksand
A constant pull, further and further down
Tugging at the very core of our souls
Until we can no longer breathe. Or feel. Or think.
Nothing left for us except a sharp bitter filled wound
That time or words would never be able to resuscitate

And all I can hear is that man on the street.
You know, the one who found you there.
Motionless.
‘Don’t worry’, he said. “He didn’t feel a thing”
“It was quick, it was painless.”

But I guess that all depends on who you ask now, doesn’t it?

I thought you would miss me
That the sound of my voice
Would be haunting you for a listen.
I thought you'd wanna see me
That every second without me
Would feel like a world without color
I thought you would cry, maybe just a little but
Your eyes still sparkled, the way they always did
Yet I thought you would miss me.
I thought you'd still love me
But the truth is you never did
I was a pick me up in the whirlwind
That is your life
Just a pretty face with prettier words
That could love you enough for you
To pretend to love yourself

I'll kiss the past goodbye
Just to kiss you one more time
Take a few steps back
When we pretended you were mine
I don't know how it happened
It didn't take very long
I wanted you from the beginning
I've never been so wrong
You ruined all my favorite songs
So lean into me closer, if only for once more
You've won the game baby
I'm done with keeping score

You hold me tight and pull me close
But I've never felt so cold
I'm as empty as a balloon
that has just found its hole

I'm a lake with no ending
A puddle with no reflection
I'm a postcard in the window
Cause it's not worth sending

And you tell me you're sorry
And you squeeze my hand tight
And you're killing me slowly
The dark that haunts my night

My mind is stuck
My heart is paused
I need to surrender this fight

But I'm getting nowhere
Cause you hold the string
And I am just your kite

Is this bad timing or just bad luck
The worst thing you could do is to stay
It'd be best if you just left
me to down in thoughts of you
I'd rather paint a perfect picture of imagination
Than let you **** my color pallet
With the truth of demons inside you
Because it will always remain the same
The simplest constant that you contain
I can play and play and play but
I'll never beat you at this game.

You burned every bridge you ever set in place
To realize the ocean was larger than expected
Keep on swimming baby we'd hate to see you drown
We'd hate to see you sink to the bottom
With no air close enough to save you
No time to make it back to the surface
How's it feel when the walls close up around you
When the ones who held the keys to save you
Were the ones you threw away
You burned every bridge you ever set in place darling
I hope you brought a life jacket

You were my morning coffee
What woke me up every day.
You were my watched sunset
The underlying beauty in a giant ball of fire.
You were my front door
Hard to break into, but easy to find
The one that led me home.
You were my pair of gloves
The only ones that ever fit my hands.
You were my favorite song
Memorized down to the final chord.
You were my morning coffee.
But I don't touch the stuff anymore.

You told me this right here was overrated
But I just love to watch you move
I just need to hear you say it
Tell me how I'm worthless, that to you it's just a game
Teach me how to hate even the simple sound of your name
Cause you're a poison that I can't stop drinking
You're a poison that's fogged my thinking
And I've been thinking lately that maybe
You were gonna be who saved me
But you watched me drown, you drilled the holes
So tell me this is nothing, teach me how it goes
I need to hear you say it, I love it when you lie
Tell me you can just walk away
Look me in the face as you stare right through my eyes
Tell me you want me gone
And I'll leave before you can say goodbye
You told me I was overrated
Just a way to fill your nights
You told me this was overrated
We can both pretend you're right

You like to slide a little closer
When the fillers clear the room
When you're all I'm reaching for
When I'm all you can consume
You're my endless shots of whiskey
I'm your secret nicotine
You only light up when you crave me
I only crave you when I breathe
Do you wish I'd never leave
When your hands escape home
To say hello to mine
You like to slide a little closer
I wish you did it all the time.

Caught up in your threshold
of pain and growing old,
But I'm nowhere near that old,
for all my thoughts to feel so cold.
And your words pile down like snow
Building fast, but leaving slow.
A melody pitched, in perfect adagio.
Lift me high just to throw me low
You shine but you're nowhere near gold.
Let all your demons unfold.
A heart that's black and freezing cold,
I ripped the grip from your choke hold.
I'm someone you'll no longer know.
How's my salt taste mixed in all your snow
I watch you die from my window.
Your end brings on the perfect glow
Of a debt that I'll no longer owe,
The chill forgives, drifting further now
Suddenly, it doesn't feel so cold.
Knocked your wind speed down to zero.
I have melted all your snow.
Here in my own arms, I am finally consoled.

I can’t quite explain the meaning of this
You’re the one thing I always hope to last.
I knew I loved you before that first kiss
Never knew butterflies could fly so fast.
Being with you’s like falling at seven,
Left me an angel who’s just learned flying.
Then with ease, you pushed me out of heaven
How quick flying leaves you falling, crying.
Out of heaven’s gates, I went straight to hell
Left my heart on a plate, call it tragic.
A dream that went out at the strike of twelve,
I’m emptier than the mind of maggots.
I needed you more than air in my lungs
You were rope round my throat you left me hung.

Call me crazy baby
For you I went insane
You showed me how it was to grasp this
Then how it felt to watch it fall
You asked me to bet on you
Then threw away the power ball
I decided you were my definition
To a word that couldn't be defined
Don't go back, I got the memories stained
I don't need to hit rewind
I went from thinking of you all day
To thinking of you every day
To wishing you never pressed play
In the first place
You saw me, had to know you'd break me
If all you wanted was a quick game
You could have spared me

I think of you at dinner
at the movies, at the mall
I think of you in giant crowds
when I start to feel real small
I think of you at breakfast
at parties, parks, and pools
I think of you in math class
actually whenever I'm at school
I think of you through meetings
through papers, pens, and plans
I think of you whenever
somebody grabs my hand
I think of you at street lights
with every red I hit
I think of you through conversation
every word, a detail that I miss
I think of you at midnight
I think of you alone
I think of you all summer
I think of you as home
I think of you forever
through winter, spring and fall
I think of you constant
Do you think of me at all

This is my sorry letter
for all the things I could never say to you
My apology, to both of us, for holding on as long as this
You scared me for so long
In all the ways you redefined the word ''home''
You froze me stiff right where I stood
each and every time your hand slid against mine
It's not so much in what you did
It's how you did it, all so effortlessly
The way you know your smile's poison
and your tears the perfect bait
I hate how every word in every line
is based around the recipe of you
2 scoops of misery
A cup of nicotine
Three bags of mystery, beauty, and pain
All wrapped up in pretty eyes
You couldn't disguise it well enough
The meaning of this word
I'll always know it's spelled
Y-O-U