Your wine stained lips tell me
It was a ***** night.
You crawl into the covers
Waving at the light.
My hands want to shout
Want to ring you all out.
Gluey eyes and greasy hair
Looking a mess, I don’t care.
Your eyes are on yesterday..
Stale scotch and whiskey too.
But when you wake up today
You’re still going to be  you.

I’m eighteen today.
My shirt is crumpled on the floor. My socks are still on.
I’m eighteen today.  
My eyes try and focus on the ceiling. That’s cheap tile. This house is old.
I’m eighteen today.
I drank too many beers.  I think my cigarettes are by the pool..
I’m eighteen today.  
I’m ******* Steve. He doesn’t know my name.
I’m eighteen today.
Not like I thought he’d  be. His cheeks are rough and sudden.
I’ll be eighteen tomorrow.
I’ll write down his name. I know it by heart.  Number 28.

I’m nineteen today.
I’m in a bathroom. The light is off. I’m kissing girls.
I’m nineteen today.
At a house that I couldn’t find my way home from.
I’m nineteen today.
Her hands squeeze my *******. She’s not into it, I can tell.
I’m nineteen today.
Four people are at my feet. Hands pull at my skirt.
I’m nineteen today.
I’m loving this. But it will be over before it gets good.


I’m twenty today.
A plastic cup in my hand. He’s pushing up on me.
I’m twenty today.
She’s standing on the stairs. I know I’ll walk her home later.
I’m twenty today.
The grass is cold and wet. Her hand on my arm.
I’m twenty today.
Walk her to the door. I wish she’d ask me up.
I’m twenty today.

I’m 31 today.
He’s naked next to me. He knows I love him.
I’m 31 today.
He asked me if I was gay. Said he just wants to know.
I’m 31 today.
I smile and say no and take his **** in my hand.

I was 22 that day.
Driving her back from the hospital.
I was 22 that day.
Her small warm hand rubbed the back of my neck.
I was 22 that day.
It was the first time I felt whole.
I was 22 that day.

I’m 34 today
And he’s stopped asking me.

My high is wearing off and you haven’t called.
I dyed my hair, but it came out all wrong.
Like this…like us.

I think I’ll ignore falling out of love.
I’ll just hope it passes as quickly as it came.
I’m too tired to change my life today.

So I’ll go and see you tomorrow
I’ll let go of my grip.
You won’t mention my hair.
I’ll think that means you don’t love me.

We’ll move around each other like strangers.
We won’t say what we mean.
I memorized your body three years ago.
I know every move you’re not going to make.

We’ll probably get into a fight and I’ll yell and leave.
Wishing, just once, you’d chase after me.
But you’ll just scream at me from your second story window.
Spitting out my harsh tendencies that will slide down the wall.

I need hands that twist my spine
Eyes to **** my soul
Arms to throw me down
Rip me to pieces
Make me whole

I want a kiss to break my knees
You barely look at me
And I scream please, PLEASE!

Be those hands
Open your eyes
Wrap your arms around me
And bite my thighs

Kick in my love
Blue and black
A violent shove

F**t me
**** me
Make me cry
Give me something
Anything
To feel a butterfly

My cheeks are tight
My tears an ember
He gave an answer
That I can’t remember

Blue bodies
Barely breathing
over
Luscious legs
Looking lovely

My face is drawn
My laughter a sneer
He tells me stories
I don’t care to hear

Hairy hands
Hate to hesitate
while
Morbid models
Madly *******.

Ground littered
with Newport butts
Laceless sneakers
Last nights beer
Early morning
Only me
White skin
They stare.

I ride along the bus route
The weight shifts as people climb on
The smell of half burnt cigarettes
Of sweat and fried food
I struggle to keep my lips together
I hold on to my seat; knuckles white
As I look for alleyways to sleep
If I could leap out of my life.

My pencil is screaming
My fingers unsure
My glass almost empty
My love shut the door

My pencil is screaming
My eyes glaze some more
My tab’s paid for plenty
My feet on the floor

My pencil is screaming
My throat is so sore
My hands on the bottle
My heart out to cure.