I think the hardest person to love, is yourself.
You know every mistake, every thought, every lie.
You know who you've hurt. How you hurt them.
All your flaws. Why they're flaws.
But you can't walk away from yourself.
Or hide from yourself.
Or lie to yourself.
Because in the end, you know.
You know that you need to face yourself.
Forgive yourself.
Love yourself.
Or you'll be stuck.
Stuck between what's real
And what you're pretending is real
Stuck between hurting someone
And trying to protect them at the same time
But you end up hurting them anyway.
And now you hate yourself for it.
You couldn't love them.
Because you tried to face yourself,
Forgive yourself,
Love yourself...
But couldn't.

Just maybe time will run away and leave life behind
Say you’ll continue to stay away just to keep me alive

Mean words and sweet faces won’t reason with goodbye
Things change, you cared, and hope walked a thousand miles

Standing, looking, assuming
Bury those old eyes you thought were blooming  

The truth is sitting in the dark, waiting for you to shine the light
You were promised death, and life forgot to teach you to fight

The world choked on it’s dreams and crashed into a fence
Love missed it’s stop, and now I’m left in suspense  

Happiness is locked in the room next door,
We’d try to find the key if only our feet were flat on the floor

I’ll pour my hate down the sink and proceed to turn my back
Melt the snow with the glow of my smile so I can no longer see the tracks

Some days you tend to wonder,
If things will ever change
Or will we keep repeating
To live this life of disarray

Some days you wake up,
To the sound of failing love
Anticipating someone
Will say they’ve had enough

Is there still hope?
Is there still hope for us?

Some nights you lie down,
But you just can’t get to sleep
Because those harsh words
In your head are on repeat

Is there still hope?
Is there still hope for us?
For us.

I'm a wheel that came in third
I'm a hummingbird who forgot the words
All these months have come to nothing
And this track I can't keep running

Where were you when I was here?
You just somehow disappeared
I lost you, but I also lost me
I'm just a ship, hoping I won't sink

I'm not sorry, because you lied to me
And you blamed me for everything
And because you gave up on me
I'm not sorry because you're not

I don't care, because you didn't
Even try to understand me
And because you turned your back on me
I don't care because you don't

I got old,
And I did it by accident
The world moves on
While I stay stagnant

Why can’t I feed myself?
Clothe myself, walk myself?
Yet I can fall myself.
Choke myself, lose myself, **** myself.

This isn’t my home. This isn’t my bed.
But I stay here. I sleep here. Until I am dead.
Strangers take care of me. They feed me strange pills.
But I have to do what they say, I have to lay still.

I share a shower with everyone else here
As well as a dining room, laundry room, and all the same fears.
There’s a fight down the hall. Dementia caused it.
Out of no where they stop. Dementia solved it.

Families in and out, staff the same.
Is it because of my age or environment that I’m going insane?
How long do I have left? That, I don’t know
What I do know, is that I'll never be able to go home.

I got old,
And I did it by accident
The world moves on
While I stay stagnant

Is there a reason you shot me?
Is there a reason that I'm dead?
Is there a reason you left me hanging by a thread?

When I thought it was over, it had only begun
Here I stand, frozen,
With no where left to run,

You took an axe to my heart,
As you choked me with your charm
My words can't escape me,
Is this over, this harm?
My screams were denied,
As you buried my cries
I'm hanging on the fence
Don't leave me to die

When you walked into my life,
I didn't know what to expect
Now I'm lying on the floor, crying from neglect

You took an axe to my heart,
As you choked me with your charm
My words can't escape me,
Is this over, this harm?
My screams were denied,
As you buried my cries
I'm hanging on the fence
Don't leave me to die

Are we thinking or are we just doing?
Did you mean what you said, or were you only fooling?
What we had wasn't just a game to me
In case you were wondering, you murdered me.

You shot down my happiness and destroyed everything I knew
If only you had held on a little longer, then maybe I'd still be with you
But instead you gave up, you stopped in your tracks
You threw it all away, and I'll never have you back

Why did you care about what everyone else wanted?
The choice was ours, and now it's left haunted
How we felt should've been the only thing that mattered
Where did we go wrong, why is my heart shattered?

I don't know what your intentions were, why did you change your mind?
Was everything we went through all just a waste of time?
What if we started over, would you **** me once again?
Or maybe forget our shot at love, would you still be my friend?

Was it all just a dream that has become a nightmare?
Will I see you again or were you never there?
If I close my eyes tightly, will you still be standing there?
Or will I open them to see nothing, but my own tears?

As they run down my face, I will realize the truth in this
I will never hold your hand, feel your touch or receive your kiss
I can forgive you for the pain I'm in, but I will never forget
The way you made me feel and all the sweet things that you said

I stand here and watch you walk away,
I want you to turn around and tell me you'll stay
But you won't. No, you won't.

It hurts me so much to watch you leave,
I wish I could somehow make you see
But I can't. No, I can't.

You always wanna run, and never wanna stay
Do you feel accomplished as you walk away?
I don't want you to go, but you won't change your mind
So, go ahead and run, just promise me you'll say goodbye

I stand here and watch you drive away,
I want you to stop the car and come back to me
But you're gone. Yeah, you're gone.

I'm trying to keep myself from crying,
Cause I know I really lost you this time
I did. You know, I did.

You always wanna run, and never wanna stay
Do you feel accomplished as you walk away?
I don't want you to go, but you won't change your mind
So, go ahead and run, just promise me you'll say goodbye

Goodbye.

Maybe if you genuinely look outside, it's pouring
Maybe that coincidence was actually a warning
How is it you perceive? What is it you believe?
There's no such thing as boring.

Choose wisely the emotions that you feed,
Look closer at your wants vs. your needs
Try standing on your opponents side,
And consider the consequences before you decide

Because everything leaves a mark, but not every mark will leave
Look around you, notice everything you see
View everyone as significant, and let them be
Let them be them, let them be free

I don't know where you're going, but neither do you,
Does that mean we're both unaware of the truth?
Maybe...

Why do you always put words in my mouth?
Maybe it's because I can't
And why don't you want to figure this out
Maybe because it's not worth it

Which one of us is assuming the worst?
Because I can't tell
And which one of us is to blame first
For this storm that fell?

Why did we crash here, and now?
Maybe we can make it back somehow
In my mind I see you hate me, but in your eyes I see different
Our assumptions are taking us down

Am I asking for too much,
Or are you giving too little?
Either way, we're in this rut,
And somehow we're both caught in the middle

Why did we crash here, and now?
Maybe we can make it back somehow
In my mind I see you hate me, but in your eyes I see different
Our assumptions are taking us down

Ankle deep in snow and you’re a thousand miles away,
I miss you already and it’s only been three days.
You left just in time to escape this madness I call home,
But you’ve been there with me through the simplicity of my phone.

Knee deep in this storm and you’re still a thousand miles distant,
Trying to occupy my time, missing you stays consistent.
I know I’ll see you later, though I sort of need you now,
But patiently I wait for you to return to this silent town.

Waist deep in this blizzard and a thousand miles is too far,
Once you miss someone, everything seems to become hard.
I know things will be easier once you make it back
It’s just that tolerance is something I’m beginning to lack.

Ankle deep in snow and you’re a thousand miles away,
I’ll wait for what seems like forever, but it’s really only ten days.

You’ve sewn this pattern on my mind,
And the fabric is unraveling.
I don’t want to stay here this time,
So, I’m going to keep traveling.

You’ve spilled this stain on my heart,
And I can’t scrub it off.
You closed the door from the start,
So, why did I continue to knock?

You’ve left this tattoo on my soul,
And it appears to be permanent.
It symbolizes self control
So, at least I can say that I learned from it.

“When was the last time you cried”, you asked.
How many tears did you lose? How fast did they race down your face?
Were there tears at all, or did you hold them back like you were trying to break up a fight

What is the point of tears?
To water down you’re feelings on the inside?
To drown your unpleasant, unattractive, unfulfilling frown?
The one that sits at the bottom of your face.

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
Buried your face in your pillow, listening to your muffled voice sink into the feathers.

But somehow it helps.
This wet, loud, chaotic, unstable mess of a moment helps?
I don’t know why… but it does.

What do dreams teach us about the waking life?
That things could be worse.
Or maybe even better.
If time is insignificant in dreams, does that mean it is in real life too?

What does yesterday teach us about tomorrow?
That we should forget.
Or maybe even remember.
If we learn from our mistakes, does that mean we should keep making them?

What does death teach us about life?
That we shouldn’t complain.
Or maybe we should.
If my death were to affect you greatly, does that mean my life must have done the same?