Deep in my diaphragm, in the center of my body,
lies the very source of my being.
It is not my heart nor my lungs,
but the very core of my body.
It is the coming together of my rib cage,
the way my chest rises and falls
with each breath
that makes me realize that I am alive.
I am alive.

I am alive.

I am alive.

Feel my chest rise and fall and
I am alive.

But I'm not alive because I exhale breath,
but because that center of my body holds my very spirit.
I can feel myself inside of my body,
and for once I am aware that

I am alive.

Through my veins I feel,
my blood cold.
All circulation is
                    lost.

Bound and determined,
determined
to find the part of me
that I lost.

Looking at your sleeping face,
I feel as though
it's in you.

You encompass who I am,
who I was
and who I will be.

I found myself in you,
bound and determined.

I feel light,
almost nonexistent.
In a good way,

If that's even
          possible.

A tunnel,
inches away
from me.
Dark, no light -
encompassing my very being.
Hallow -
empty, gone.
Where is my soul?
Is it lost i the tunnel,
or is it waiting for me on
the other side?
I'll never reach it.
I'll never grasp it again.
I will cut my losses -
lose my way
and never find myself,
again.

A mere shadow,
a mare speck of dust
is what makes up
my body - my soul.
I lay awake,
wondering who I am,
only to remember
I am nothing,
No one.





But me...

Look in the mirror,
and all I see
is a girl I don't want to be.
What happened to my soul,
who was I before?
She was washed away
by your harsh words.
I realized I wasn't good enough,
not for you.
And I thought
that meant I wasn't good enough
for the world.
I let myself go.
I stopped caring about who I was
or what I looked like.
And now I just wish I could go back,
rewind the last two years
and teach you that I was good enough -
am good enough.
And that you just couldn't see it.
But you won,
and it will take me a long time
to find the girl I used to be,
the girl I want to be.