A year

I let out a groan as I opened my eyes and awoke to a familiar agony..
Another night, how many drinks and why? Man, what a tragedy!
Stomach churnin, throat parched, ugghh.. this isn’t how it had to be!
I washed my face hard but the sight in the mirror was still sad to see..
Got out of the shower just to wipe the fog and see the same sad empty shell of me..
I realized that all along the power lied inside and time was finally trying to tell me..

I had a revelation that day and finally found the strength to walk the sober road..
It couldn’t be half assed in any shape or form, nah I gotta make it a whole new social code..
I knew I may not withstand the temptation if I was even slightly pressured to fold..
So I made a plan that night, for one year I’d put everything else in my life on hold..
I probably wouldn’t have the courage to do it again had the future been foretold..
But at the time I felt a burning urge to go through with it and knew I needed to be bold..
I was ready to face the challenge and wanted to experience life vividly with everything it offered..
But then the challenges started a few months later when I had to close my cousins Bailey’s coffin..
I found out sitting on a plane about to head back home from a vacation, which I don’t take often..
I went numb for three hours delayed before the plane left the station an I couldn’t let myself soften..
I wanted to drink so bad my stomach hurt to suppress the thought that I had actually lost him..
But it really hit me when I laid him to rest and looked around to see everything drinking had cost him..
With unspeakable pain it made my resolve stronger and showed me another lesson in “Life”..
but I had a slit in my armor and another lesson approached like the kiss of a sharpened knife
This one took shape when I found out I’d been laid off the same week that Bailey died..
I felt pressure from every direction but continued to soldier on, stone-faced with pride..
I hosted his wake and funeral services with a strong spirit and never let myself cry..
I had to keep it together for those who never lost someone and had to say goodbye..
A few times I almost gave up but I just couldn’t bear to let my dreams start to slide..
Then a situation that seemed too good to be true appeared to me in the blink of an eye..
But as it seemed, it was an optical illusion and the business was headed for decline..
On gut instinct alone I came to a conclusion and made the difficult decision to resign..
It ended up being the best decision I ever made and now it’s comin up on my time to shine..
I followed my vision and it’s amazing how much life can change in the span of one years time..
From these experiences this page of history shows the pain, sorrow, hope, and joy of a human mind..
But don’t be fooled by appearances… the true depth could never be captured and chained by rhyme…
How can you eloquently describe the essence of human souls mingling, unexplainably entwined…
I just try to trap it gently to keep my soul singin and keep whats obtainable in mind..
I’m chronicling my journey through the decades, and this is my last entry wrappin up ‘09..
I’d like to welcome 2010 to my crusade, my pen and paper has already started trappin every line!

I'm not the type of girl who needs to be held,
Reassured that she's wanted,
Cared for by someone,
Told she's beautiful
No
I don't need that
I have everything I need by myself
I depend on myself only
At least that's what I say
No
that's what I mean
it would be nice to know I'm beautiful
That I'm wanted
That someone out there needs me
That someone wants to hold me
It would be nice to have someone
But I don't need it
I don't need anyone
I'm happy I swear
Without someone to love

Let us go now into the forest.
Trees will pass by your face,
and I will stop and offer you to them,
but they cannot bend down.
The night watches over its creatures,
except for the pine trees that never change:
the old wounded springs that spring
blessed gum, eternal afternoons.
If they could, the trees would lift you
and carry you from valley to valley,
and you would pass from arm to arm,
a child running
from father to father.