I miss your voice,
I miss your caring words,
I miss the melody
Of our favourite songs.
I miss your face,passion and strength ,
But,
What I really,really miss
Is to give you the first kiss.

Sometimes I wish so deeply that the optimist I am on the outside
would be part of what what I feel inside as well.

I shut down today,
I hide away from you...
I'm sorry,
but sometimes the pain hurts to much...
You deserve more then me.
You deserve more then I can give you...
And Maybe I can't be fixed...
thank you for loving me anyway,
despite my scattered and sharp edges...

I torn between to parts of myself.
Ones that contradict.
One that believes in beauty, and love, and hope.
Another that holds pain close and a blade even closer.
If someone looked at me they would never see the later.
When I see so much good in the world,
why can only write poetry and sing songs about the hate,
and fear, the anger, the dread, the haunting Voices of the night.
What part of myself is real,
and if i was addicted to happiness instead of misery
would it still matter?

Maybe if I keep writing
I'll find the words that will help me
complete myself.
And I wouldn't feel so broken anymore

The smell of newly fallen rain
overtook me as I  walked out the door.
I took in the sent of damp dirt drying in the rising sun.
The thought of being as free as the world around me mades me smile.
I took a deep breath
and decide today was going to be good.

Echoing around in my head
Please be quiet
don't talk so loud.
Theres to many thought.
I can't hear you when you all come at once...
Echoing in my head.
Please just shut up.

Mirror,
in front of me
tell me something that I don't know.
Anything, anything at all will do at this point.
Mirror,
show me something that I can't see
with my own naive and sheltered eyes.
That I search for, that I'm searching for so desperately.
I know you can't answer me.
Your lips can only form the words that my lips do
and you can only give me
the same desperate and paining look
I'm giving you right now.

I've been told I'm my own worst enemy
and maybe that's what I came here to resolve.
I've learned that every high and low expectation
that I have set for myself
can only be achieved by me
and I'm the only one stepping on my own coat tail.

I may claim to be broken winged
but the truth is my wings aren't broken,
I'm just to afraid to use them.
But I think it might be time
that I untether myself
and untie the knots that I have tied so tightly
around me,
and I set my self free.

When you're in the room my muscles tense.
Not out of stress, but out of the sickening feeling I get
when you are near.
I hate when you put your arms around me...
Like we are close... Like I'm your favorite....
I'm not deceived by you.
You are the one who taught me to be so good at pretending.
Who told me lying was wrong...but didn't prove it so i guess
the deception is a two way street now.
Maybe thats why I'm so good at hiding now.
I know you love her more... She's more like you....
I'm more like her.
I'm grateful for that.
Maybe you didn't realize how your words cut my insides up..
Maybe you didn't know how much your actions made me decompose.
Forcing me to morph into something that is so unbeautifully broken.
Maybe you didn't know... Maybe I should let go...
Maybe you didn't see... After all we are both so good at deceiving...
I love you none the less....
But sometimes I wish I didn't...