sitting in a cinema watching my life
through my own eyes
feeling nothing or an ocean of everything
weighed down
strapped in
can't move.... or won't move?

Sometimes when I can actually focus myself enough to get work done
I start and just
shake
It feels like my body is stuck in neutral
idling
waiting for the engine to start
sitting in my car, stuck inside my garage

will I just die from the carbon monoxide?
or will I drive away?

writing to write
write
type
do something productive
at least try to

write to feel
something other than
numb

"it's good for you"

why the ****
did anyone let an 18 yr old sign away 185k
to go away to college
****