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 Sep 2022 sarah rogan
c rogan
Self consciousness1, flowers buried under the dirt of the garden.  Stream through the house, a lover’s whisper5.  April mothers, remember medications.  Sleeping curls, sunlight vignettes8.  Every word, every note.


  1Handbook of I Love You, Third Edition

  5Community Studies on Letter Writing

  8Concise Guides to Roses, Polaroids, and London Fogs
 Jan 2021 sarah rogan
c rogan
brouillard dans la crepescule
ever temperate
inviolate aching bodies
fragility in balance
my skin painted on the night

green eyes false blue in moonlight
tu m’a donne la chaleur
opalescent smoke murmers
memories of resonance

X
 Dec 2020 sarah rogan
c rogan
in the mornings sarah bikes
on a meadow trail
sunrise saturated fields
gold amber and rose
l’heure d’or, la lavande dans l’air

x

in Guinean sun-kissed grass
seasoned by ages
of endless constellations
falls like dusty snow
in a black coffee heaven
 May 2019 sarah rogan
c rogan
the weather is growing colder
  you're growing further

  days are getting shorter
   darkness is becoming normal.

    i tried to move closer to hear your voice
      but from where i am i only hear a murmur.


     the vibrant technicolor of summer
has dulled like the light in your eyes.
     we continue to lie and suffer
our perceptions polarize.

i see we've grown apart,
or that you've simply changed;
  my mind is frozen with your thought
but your spring has thawed a future estranged.

you never knew how i love you

and you never will.

even though you chose to move on,

and i've fallen like the leaves on a tree,

just promise to always remember me

as someone who held your hand through the dark.
 May 2019 sarah rogan
c rogan
if my mind was an ocean
you are an oil spill
beautiful in your destruction;
colors dancing on the waves.

if i was a color i would be gray
if you were a color you would be all of them.
you are the feeling of warm clothes out of the dryer on a cold day, clean linens, hot tea.
i'm the the word you cant think of, the idea you lost when you didn't write it down.  ink that smudges on your hands.

i'm only temporary, and so are you.  
instants feel infinite in your presence,
hot pain trembles across skin.
the words hung in silence
like clothes to dry in the sun.

the colors,
all would fade
    all would fade
      we all would fa  d       e

hung in a drought of your touch
 May 2019 sarah rogan
c rogan
layers of jackets hung over chairs, doodles on desks.   lingering nightmares, people sit statuesque.  the days and hours and minutes melt everywhere; smells of coffee and freshly sharpened pencils fill my wares.  a softness covers my body.  fluorescence illuminates the world in pixels; as time melts and space paints galaxies in your eyes, eternity drips onto my hands and freezes like ice.  

somewhere in the middle i hear a constant hum; calling me from somewhere i cant see.  reverberating in the lake between slumber and living i am overcome; the darkness is calling my name to be set free.  painful and deafening, i cover my ears but i can't hear myself scream.  louder and louder,

it was only a dream.

so i push open the heavy doors of my heart and let the cold air envelop me.  i don't ever want to depart,  your warm hand wrapped around mine is the only thing that feels true.  snow settles softly on the ground around me, the cold numbs my bones.  streetlights turn off like a tide from the sea, then the sun rises with pink and yellow tones.   stars fade away softly, from the opalescent glow of moonlight on your cheeks the sunlight grows.  light creeps on the world around us calmly, and into splendid color erupts the universe from an eternity of monochrome; everything reflects in your eyes, a deep brown that reminds me of home.  but here we're somewhere in the middle, between silent silver evenings alone and a golden spark that could kindle something more.  in the space between our intertwined fingers, the cold knits a thin layer of frost crystal.  your breaths exhaled swirl in the air between laughter and silence, your crooked smile with a dimple, and all of your perfect imperfections hide in a balance.  a balance between you and her, the effortless ways to assuage all that you challenge.  but i can count every time that you've saved me, lessened the blow of reality.  picked up my shattered pieces that crashed like waves from the sea.

on the quietest of days i hear the most epiphanic piano ballads.  every day with you is full of texture and music.  echoing in the corners of my mind and mixing like paint on my pallets, melodies so colorful, beautiful and acoustic.  playing my cassette of acoustic guitar, clear nights on the open road we quietly listen.  beams of headlights run along side the interior of the car, catching brief glimpses of your figure hidden.  without anything meaningless to say, you would sit quietly day to day.  but i moved beside you, and your arm wrapped around me.  i could feel every rise and fall of your soft breaths, fingers intertwined, my head on your chest.  if this moment lasted for eternity..

but would i still love you,
if i couldn't ever lose you?

sometimes when we walk through hallways full of bustling people, we don't talk much.  the space in between is so peaceful.  on your arm with a soft touch,  running to catch up as colors cascade behind me.  you turn around and suddenly i'm icarus, before the fall i feel like i'm flying.  a quick smile crinkles your face and i fall burning to the surface.  

i'm running to you in a dream, about to wake up; brushstrokes cast a blurry curtain around you, sitting in a painting of forget-me-nots and buttercups.  and yet your life is like a photo with every correct hue,
whispering 'come with me'.
in a picture of detail in stunning reality,

a reality where you

are separate from me;

caught in this in-between.

— The End —