Lies cling to your lips,
Like tar to a heavy smokers' lungs.

Your words have the same effect as nicotine,
You can't stop, can you?

What's that sound?
Oh there you go,
Coughing, spluttering, choking.

What? Cat got your throat?
Or is it that web of lies you call an alibi that you're trying to feed me ?

Your neck bleeds with the self inflicted scratches from your fingernails,
Your eyes begin to bulge, like they're going to pop from their sockets.

Is it hard to breath with the fire you've created?
Do those smoke plumes heave as you exhale through those lungs?

You're on your knees know,
What do you see?

Do you see the pain you've caused?
Or shall I push you down a little further?

I hope you choke on that alibi,
Goodbye,

Rest in piece,
I know I will,
Liar Liar

I am so tired tonight…I don't know if I even have the energy to let out the tightness I am feeling inside my chest. I don't want to lie down, or close my eyes… I fear I will become overwhelmed with negative thoughts. I find solace by clicking new document button and typing away like crazy. Writing is cathartic for me.

I sit here, night after night, oblivious to the storm raging in my head....please, don't let me hear....please, make me not feel anymore....and I barricade myself, waiting for the night to end.

Some days I feel like this is HELL ON EARTH!

It's on these days when I swallow my screams, I tell myself "this too shall pass"...and I hear a faint voice inside my head echo my thoughts....'soon...soon...soon', she tells me. There is no use screaming, or begging, or reasoning with myself, or the others within me. Please don't let me lose it tonight...I don't want to fall back again...it is not worth it.

WHY? I ask the question in my mind over and over again: WHY? WHY? WHY?

There is no answer tonight, there is never an answer. There is only anger, and sadness, and so much pain. I don't want to hate. I tell myself I don't have to take it anymore...soon...there is an end. His face taunts me, his angry voice fills the silence, his sarcastic laugh envelopes me in fear, his evil snort makes me cringe, his stale breath makes my skin crawl.

Where are you? I cannot find myself. Some days I see a shimmer of hope which I visualize with every beat of my heart. But I no longer hold any expectation… it's easier this way.

Usually
When I’m feeling down, I
bust out a box of colored pencils and
bust a vein on the paper.

But now
I dig through the box,
and I just can’t find those bright colors.

I assure myself that they’re there.

I know that they’re there.

I want
I need
I beg
for them to be there.

But the deeper I dig
The more I find
blackness, darkness, jet black ebony
murky, swarthy swaths of shadowy slate
perilous, pitiless pitch
somber, sober sable

I keep digging.

Lying on the floor
Pretending the ceiling didn’t just fall down
On me

Cause if you were there
I would probably have noticed
The crack

But now it’s empty
Like the egg-formed ball
On me

So if this was surreal
And that other time was reality
I wouldn’t sleep alone

And I’m pretending
The ceiling didn’t fall down
On me

Justify my oddity
Counterbalance this reality
And let me sleep alone

Don’t try to save what’s already lost
When the ceiling falls down
On me

The red bricks
And the eternal sound of rush hour outside
Reminds me that it’s better in here

In this world of subconscious confusion
Where nothing seems to be alright I see you
On me

“Don’t”, I say
Knowing that this will take me where I want to go
But still knowing it won’t

Contemplating the thought of standing up
But there’s blocked, the ceiling is resting
On me

“Strength”, you say
And save me by removing the ceiling
With just one hand

“What is all this about?”
I ask myself, and the poem stops with just one line to be written

I remember when everything was black and white
And I had to know that I was always right
It was so easy then, and yet so hard
Being God's saint in man's backyard

There was no room for error in my little self-made pen
I covered all the windows to keep me free from sin
And there I studied scripture and there I often prayed
There was talking on the outside, I could not hear what was said

Why must we have all the answers?
We're human and we make mistakes
When will we learn to be ourselves?
God accepts us as we are

It's a lonely kind of life when you're the only one who's right
Others just don't understand
I try to lead the band
But no one follows