a journalist interviewed people
who survived jumping
from the Golden Gate Bridge

most reported that,
at about two thirds of the way down,
they realized that everything could be fixed
one way or another

in turn, if the others
had come to the same realization
then they died for nothing.

placing a bullet in your head
may be convenient if you're in a gang war
and there is no way out

but though there may be a war zone in your mind
no one else is shooting

it may feel as if a drug cartel
crossed the border into your brain
and there is a shoot out with the patrol
but you wont even be able to find a winner

one is just trying to supply product for profit
and the other is just trying to protect its people
but from what?
what are they running from?
why are you hiding?

one is committing a crime
the other is committing a crime
what are they fighting for?
what are you fighting for?
you think, if it goes quick
you can't regret
but it doesn't matter
this is just one of many battles
and you must keep fighting
this is the one war that must be fought
that must be won
you don't need to die for your cause
you need to live

you need to live,
not for others,
but for yourself.

i don't think you realize
that this isn't gta
if you spend $500 you're broke
and if you die you don't re-spawn

the exit sign may be glowing
but you have to take some damage
in order to rebuild yourself
please keep fighting.

it's hard enough for me
to conjure up my strength in the form of words
i shouldn't have to shout at the top of my lungs
just to be heard
sometimes i'm the boy who cried wolf
and others i'm a canary in a coal mine
it's too hard in this country
to try and fight for my rights
i don't care if they take my life
i will let everyone else fly

closets are for clothes, not for fear
lockers are for books, not my peers
jail is for rapists and the streets are for protests
not vice versa

is this too hard to understand?
are you too busy saying "war" instead of stealing land?
are you too involved in bigotry and pro-life
saying a marriage should be a man and his wife?

newsflash, *******, this isn't 1890
open up your mind to something less blinding
women aren't objects and their insides aren't purses
not meant to hide all their tampons and zip up their curses

besides,
zipped lips can't quell a revolution
we're fine without your exclusion
because of your conclusion
that we don't matter.

my throat hurts from screaming my name
people try so hard to bring me pain
honestly, i don't know how i stay sane
i have to yell in their faces to gain some respect
their dissection of my being makes me a monster
giving me feelings i try not to foster
and i want to hurt them back.

i want to destroy them for stealing my confidence
for planting fear in the soil of my soul
for declaring war on what they find obscure

it's easy to realize
that their words are not an army
and their fists are not drones
but when their weapons strike
and their bullets pierce any shade of skin
screams fill the air and they grin
our society is the Lord of the Flies
and we are the pigs.

God is any man with a gun, and we all live at His mercy.

she's... intimidated by the boy and his friends over there
the boy with the pink hair
the boy with women's boots and the three female friends surrounding him
she thinks it's sad how a boy can have three female friends and she can't even have one

he... wonders why that girl is staring
actually, he knows why but he's trying not to think about it
it's making him uncomfortable
and she looks really shy and scared
and he doesn't know what to do
that's one thing they still have in common.

she's confused.
why does a boy have pink hair and female friends?
that's not how boys are supposed to act
they're supposed to be big and strong and masculine and protective and boys
why is he acting like a girl?

he's angry.
who the hell cares anymore?
this is past news, old papers in the fireplace
get with the times, new york is burning
stop focusing on one persons heart

she's upset.
who the hell does that?
she feels so uncomfortable
don't focus but pay attention
how can he break the rules?
she can't run the race and he just tore through the finish line

he doesn't like men
so it was a mystery to him why he was one

she watched him swiftly evade boys and dodge male customers at work
this baffled her
boys can't be afraid?

when he had a panic attack on the stairs she scorned him
boys don't cry
boys don't cry
boys don't cry
and then he couldn't stop

bubblegum prince cries pastel blood tears from his wrists when he's sad

she gets an A- on a test and she panics
shakes and has to be sent home
tries to smash coca cola antiques on her head and dissolves because
"she's too weak"

he fails a test
"my mom can't figure out how to get on aspen so i don't care"

and she hates boys like that
boys who don't care about their education and what they have and their friends

and he hates girls like that
girls who don't know the full story and assume on a strand of hair when he can say the same thing back to her

but he doesn't hate her
but she doesn't hate him

she's tired of living
of trudging through each swamp of a day
where her skin is too thick to cut and her skull is too hard to crack

he's tired of dying
of knowing his death and beginning
where his skin is paper thin and swallowing bullets among other things is a constant occurrence in his dreams

bubblegum prince used to be the quiet girl in town
so much can change over the years

there are a few things that go through my mind
when someone misgenders me or uses the wrong name

my name is easier to remember?

the pronouns are tiny, tiny words and

why would you do that?

do you know what it feels like to hear your past and want to *****?
you may not like violence
but right now you're punching me in the mouth
and since when am i an "it"?
tell me how i am a freak of nature
tell me how i am a monster
i am a living thing, we learned that in science
even though i take medication every morning
i am not sick
even though i have to hold back bile every time i shower
i am not sick
you are not doctors
how can you diagnose me?
why would you?
my gender is not your property
i am not a dog
i will not be your *****
you do not have the power to define me
i will be whatever the **** i want to be
really, it's none of your business
our entire childhood we were told to be ourselves
but now i am spited and questioned and laughed at because i am not what they wanted.
maybe being human isn't enough.

i will kiss her hands
the hands that write intricate poetry on paper
or draw excellent artwork on a tablet
the same hands that held instruments to scar herself in defiance of her life
are the hands that type out "i love you" each day
for some reason she presses bruises so hard into her skin
that her fingerprint is engraved in her flesh
like a criminal record
her hands build up cities before tearing them apart
she is a goddess to be feared
i need her to know that it's okay.

i will trace her scars
as cliché as it sounds
she needs to realize that i love every part of her
and every part of her is beautiful
just because she doesn't get reminded enough
doesn't mean she should feel ashamed
they're just battle scars
and the war is almost over.

i will hold her.
because we both need a shoulder to cry on
but she doesn't have the same love at home
her feelings can't stay bottled up
i know how bad it is when no one listens
how it feels when you don't want to disturb the air around you
but if you shake soda it will explode
and humans are more volatile than C4
i will do everything to stop the fire from spreading

i will not kiss her goodbye
because for some reason she believes i should move on
get her over with
that she shouldn't have become one of my bad endings like so many before
as if she did me wrong.
she did herself wrong
because i've never felt more awake when i sleep
i've never been so happy to have feelings

for god's sake i will tell her i love her
so maybe she will too.

when you say that
you're not worth anything
no offense here, but
i kinda wanna punch you in the face
so hard the amount of chemicals in your brains
corrected themselves
and you could love yourself
as much as you should.
baby, i would never lie to you
please believe me when i say
that you're beautiful
that i want to be with you
that i love you.
baby, if it's not healthy to want you
then i'm in and out of the hospital
if it's not healthy to want you
i'll be homeless in the winter
because i'm addicted to the drug that is you
hell, i'd go broke
and i wouldn't give a ****.
baby, if it's not healthy to want you
then i'm lying on my death bed
holding your hand.