i know a boy
who sits behind me
always tapping his pen
tapping
and tapping
fingertips spelling

i am anxious

i know a boy
who walks me to class
looks at me before I leave
his foot keeps
tapping
and tapping
and I keep waiting

for him to tell me goodbye
so I can go to class

i know a boy
who cannot stop

like a car alarm on
christmas morning

like police sirens
underwater

a boy
afraid of the pause
the rest, the wait, the halt
the slow motion of eyes meeting,
elbows accidentally touching
words becoming deep breaths,
hesitating instead

I know a boy
who is still a child

and over and over,
i loved him "still"

To everything I will be.
To everything I see in you.
To your friends.
To the people who did you wrong and oh so right.
To your lovers.
To the one who got away; I love her for pushing you away.
I love her anyway.
To everything I was afraid of.
To everywhere I am lacking.
To being enough of one thing,
that it makes up for all things.
To being.
To touching your feet. To melting in your breath. To munching on my skin.
To watching you love me.
To hurting my heart. To me "getting it".
To letting the past lay in peace.
To making way for something greater. To loving unconditionally.
To my childhood. To yours.
To us. Our talents. Our songs. Our mementos. Our way.
To the mindless goings on of day to day life. We WILL treasure our love notes.
Your friends will love the you I get to grow old with.
My friends will love the me you're turning me into.
Our friends will love us.
I play this beautiful scenario in my head often: It goes:
We dance          We meet the rest of the world
*We play             *They keep us
No particular order and the ellipses between each are expansive.
Night will cover us and in our bodies we'll blanket one another.
Despite the worst. It wasn't that bad. Despite all things.
I love you. I kiss you. I fall for you. I hold you. I treasure you.
Love me and I will sing all your favorites.
Compile my love into notes, novels, songs and the ever impressive smile
that you found me in the very very first time.
Tonight you will find me again. Confident. Beautiful. Billy Joel.
I'll always have a way about me.
Just like home is just another word for you.

gather up the things you lust to love
and become the world's loneliest human
just for a night
in a room with blue lights
where so many others have once slept
as simple cloud sheep
when the eyelashes filled themselves with hypnagogia
late late late at night
ad slowly poured (and poured, and poured)
somnolent paint onto the walls
which fainted and licked the floors
rabbit and ft