It's been a while since I felt like this
I never felt like not eating
I never felt like giving up on being happy
I never once let the thought of shutting everyone out
I never once wanted to hurt myself
Because I couldnt hurt the one who hurt me
I never felt like (****) in a long time
right now i feel like this is the end of my hope
there is no exit , but only one way
Don't take kind to my depression I brought it on myself
For my foolish ways
With each step i take it isnt me
I should be locked up
Or even in hell for my sins
All i see is good in others
All i see in myself is a hidden evil
that I try hide
Im not trying to hurt anyone but just do good
Im confused with myself
I want to give up being happy until i understand myself again
I dont want others to think Im br(ok)en because Im okay

Don't date geek boys
They will compare you to movie characters
You can never live up to
Try to kiss you
With a tongue made of dust
And pick apart your poetry
Pointing out every spelling mistake

Don't date sad boys
They will call you up
Drunk at 3am on school nights
They'll tell you about other girls
And blame it on you

Don't date rich boys
They'll crawl inside your bones
Make you heavy with regret
You won't be able to forget about them
Until it is a year later
And you see him drive past you
While you walk home from school
And you realize
He hadn't made an appearance
Since the night
They buried you

Don't date boys who smoke cigarettes
Every time your father
Bites down on the filter and
Strikes a match
You will see him
And run for the hills

Don't date boys who can sing
They'll whisper your favorite songs
To you in a voice
As smooth as ice
As warm as summer
A voice made for seraphs
When you try to listen to those songs without him
There will be a snow storm
In your heart

Don't date boys with razor blades for teeth
Boys who breathe fire
Who feed on flesh
And gorge themselves on girls' bleeding hearts

Or better yet
Don't date anyone at all

When you're 15
With a spotted face of acne
And a wild mane of curly hair
And boy who is two years older
And can drive
Tells you you are beautiful
You will let him touch you

When you're 15
And his fingers curl up your sides
Like spiders
You'll want to *****
But you will swallow the toxic insides
Of your stomach
And smile
He thinks you're beautiful

When you're 15
And its a week later
And you feel like something
Is dying inside of you
You won't tell anybody
This secret will die
With the thing inside of you
Remember, he thought you were beautiful

When you're 15
Your friends will invite you to a party
Where you'll take up cigarettes
You'll bite down on your tongue
And lock yourself in the bathroom
When they mention
The boy who thought you were beautiful

When you're 16
And you finally forget about
The boy who thought you were beautiful
A new boy will come along
He will think you're special

When you're 16
You will go to your first Homecoming dance
You will feel like you are
Drowning in your dress
Like you are choking on your perfume
And everyone's breath
But he will look at you
Like you are special

When you're 16
And he tells you
He likes you because no one notices
You are there
No one looks twice at you
You will realize
He never really thought you were special

When you're 16
And it's been over a year since
The boy who thought you were beautiful
Talked about you
Like you were meat
And two months
Since the boy who thought you were special
Has spoken to you
You will crush your cigarettes under your boot
Smash Mike's Hard Lemonade bottles
On the edges of the kitchen table
Open your wrists for the first time
In four years
Wake up in the morning
Covered in cat hair and pen marks

When you're 17
You will write a poem
A poem you'll only let strangers read

Rubber** marks on my back and
Salt bleeding through my teeth.
Craters in my skin from your
Tongue scorching my flesh. I
Clench my knees together. I'm
Grasping for your hand in the dark. You are
Angrywith me for spilling
Ink all over the leather seats in your car. You don't think I'm
Sane. My lips are
Blueand my
Smile is a myth. I've never
Felt so
Tired. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
Done.

Cranberries** drip juice like
Blood. I squeeze them between my
Teeth, like a guillotine.
Unrequited love in the form of
Stretch marks on my thighs. My dog
Collar is starting to choke me.
Glass litters the floor to the
Trophy room. He says I am a
Charity case. No one wants me. Point me in a new
Direction. I am running out of
Time. I am running out of patience. The ground
Shakes as I reach for the front door to my childhood
Home. I want to go home.
Hunger never felt so good.

You know I never fell like this before
I never let someone in
Ive never been scared of anything
I never let myself get this deep
Change is in me for the first time
Something has moved inside
Something has made me a monster
IT PUSHES ME IN
what will they say
Should I care
For the first time
I fell inlove I never had something to fight for
Because I always stood alone
I never dependent on others
because I never let them in;
with you all doors are open
My feelings are numb
I making the worst mistake in my life
For the first time I have to trust
I have to let down my walls
with each step I take with you
I will always feel like Im going to be let down
I wish that feeling would go away