****.
Such a scary word, isn’t it?
But once you experience it,
It becomes even scarier.

You all have heard how it happens in the movies.
A guy and a girl meet at a party,
They are both drunk,
They go upstairs,
The girl doesn’t want it,
The guy doesn’t care.

I'm not saying this doesn’t happen,
Because it does
But not as often as a boyfriend or a close guy friend ****** you.

They will draw you in.
Start kissing you cheek,
Start kissing your neck,
Making you feel the best about yourself that you ever have.

Then he gets you alone.
He makes you feel like you want to.
Makes you feel you have to.
Cause “that’s what boyfriends and girlfriends do.”

Once you realize what’s going on, it’s too late

You start screaming
“NO! DON’T DO THIS! STOP! PLEASE! I DON’T WANT THIS! STOP!”
He puts his hand over your mouth so no one can hear your screams.
You try to get away but he is holding you down.
He is so much stronger than you.
He keeps going.

Once he is done he lets you go.
You leap of the bed and get your clothes on faster than ever before.
And as you unlock the door he says to you
“A word of this to anyone, and I’ll do it again.”

You rush to your car and drive home.
25 over the limit,
Thank god you didn’t get pulled over.
You finally arrive home.
You rush into the shower so you can get the smell of him off of you.

You are in there for an hour,
Crying your eyes out,
Not being able to believe what had just happened.
You say to yourself,
“How did the sweetest boy I know… ra… ra…”
You can’t even say the word.

The next day you see him at school.
He looks at you and winks.
You start running the opposite way.
He chases after you and catches you in a hug.
You scream, “Get off! Or I’ll tell!”
He whispers in your ear, “But baby, you know you liked it.”
You scream again, “No, I didn’t like it! I didn’t like it when you ***** me!”

I want to mutter a million things,
but they’re catching in my throat
And my heart is heavy in my chest,
with a weight that holds a heavy load
This weight is not a pound of gold,
but rather a pound of worthless rocks
And now I’m spitting bits of gravel
as I try to talk

In a land of clouds and purity, the executioner says, "See you in hell," and the serial killer breathes his last.

Down on Earth, a baby is born; the doctor whispers, "Welcome home."

more than just a fork in a road
more like a spreading of clouds

at a distance, they feel as if their lazily drifting from destination to destination
a sudden jolt though, and your with them
soaring high and finding that
they too are going hundreds of miles an hour

their peace, at a distance, was only because you weren't experiencing it as vividly or as up close

i feel this way now
at a distance
because not only am i now in the middle of the clouds, i have journeyed so long with them, i have become one

what i once said "some day" to, i now say "today"
what i once said would never happen, is happening
the surreal feeling of having become one with what was once distant and now distant from what was once me

i cant say i miss most of it
but i do miss my innocence
the freedom is welcomed

but what is what anymore

what is being a cloud, i cannot say
words never to help to clarify
they only confuse more

what is what
what;
(h)wət,(h)wät/
pronoun
1.
asking for information specifying something.
"what is your name?"
2.
the thing or things that (used in specifying something).
"what we need is a commitment"
determiner
1.
asking for information specifying something.
"what time is it?"
2.
(referring to the whole of an amount) whatever.
"he had been robbed of what little money he had"
adverb
1.
to what extent?
"what does it matter?"
2.
used to indicate an estimate or approximation.
"see you, what, about four?"

and yet still, i know nothing...

An emotion has stirred my thoughts
As if I've changed fate into something
It shouldn't have become

Like a drum
I beat through my day
I tell myself to continue

What's the issue
There may not be a point
Almost as if I'm existing in the place of another

What would my mother,
Who has raised me but never knew me,
Think of my choices

It's as if voices
Calling from within a deep crevice
Are letting me know

There's not going be a show
No great climactic beam of ethereal light
Only a fizzled out glow, dull and unnoted

He once quoted
This life is only lived in place
Of your parents hopes and dreams

A ballad, an ode or a requiem
What would be fit for this
What would hail, bold and brightly

For this most unholy, God almighty
Who made me live in place of another
I take their concept of joy, they take my cynical pride  

Low tide,
Please wash away my past transgressions
I only meant to preserve

Unfortunately it will serve
To take away a sense of self
Here I am living, vicariously

Take my mind
Take my thoughts

Trade me yours
Trade me away

Give up your worth
Give up your pain

I promise I'll take care of them
I promise I'll take ravenously

Your identity is yours alone
Alone, you are mine

Often we will hear of the inconceivable happening thousands of miles away
And we think to ourselves "how terrible"
Grieving for a day or two, maybe more if it's closer to our hearts
But the daily drill is still of income and payments and staying afloat
We're all numb
And there is a war out there that isn't civil
There is no boarders just a small slum Or a big city transit
All with ghosts now in their ruins
We live in fear or in blind ignorance
Because it comes up so much in the main media that there is no more room for us to care
We want to care
We sympathize
We forget in a month
Moving on to the next bullet to travel through a minority's chest
And we mock a groups once valiant efforts turned sour by the anger in their minds
One by one another greedy one takes advantage of the pain to use for their campaign
A generation that grew up believing they could be the very best now only believing that they are worth nothing
A time period that will forever be a joke in a few years time
But our struggle is not mein kampf but it is OUR TIME TO BE ALIVE
we are just living
We are
Just living in another time
Time
That will be remembered through figureheads and not the experiences felt
So here is for the tears
Not the water falling from our cheeks but the divide in the culture

I can vision in my mind
The first time our worlds came to collide

I thought you were just manifesting in the face of this beautiful creature
It wasn't so simple as a man and a woman

More of a heart and a ploy
It was as if I was some sort of toy

Actually, It wasn't that way
I'd met you before
Again and again youve tore
At my heart and my soul

I've missed how you break me
The way that it made me cry
So many times, but why
When I gave it my best for us

Once again
We meet
And my heart soared because I missed the way you tore
It wasn't the men and women who were your vessel
But the way we wrestled
Constantly in motion
Never resting even when satisfied with the affliction we caused to ourselves
Not torture
I enjoyed it
But this anxiety never clears
Breathing on my neck
Cold and unable to be reasoned with

To and fro
My emotions fell and leaped
And your stance stayed strong
The foundation you built was so deeply embedded into me
In my soul you gouged a hole
From the first time I experienced your comfort
I could never return
Not until we meet again
So I can take back my pound of flesh
Still beating
Still waiting
Still anticipating

For that
Hello Again

Truly this must be it for me
Nearly eighteen years in and I've quit trying so hard to get where I don't want to go
What I really mean is
What happened to the joy of living
The joy of creating
The joy of rest
The joy of simply being in motion

Moving forward
I crave the sensation of satisfaction
Satisfied with the growth of my talents
Yet here we are stuck in the worst time of our lives
Saying it's the best time is truly a lie
For I
I have had enough of this
All these people telling me my best
option
Please
What do you know of my desires
If only you knew how to set fires
In the hearts of those who need it most