Don't let the title fool you,
This isn't about some guy,
Nor is it about "the" guy,
It's not even about a guy.

It's about a gal,
No, not like "that" gal,
Not even a pal gal.

It's about me.
A gal on a mission.

A mission to be, the one and only best me!

I run to push you
3 swift steps forward
Pushing you two steps back.

I then try to hold you
Try to gather your attention
Only to overwhelm you.

I am not intentionally
Trying to hinder
Our mutual future.

I do however feel
My subconscious sabatoges
Any possibility of happiness.

I am humbled
When I visit this nook
For the truth of the writers
That belong in a book.

Sharing a binding with the greats,
As they write off and dismiss,
I see their brighter future awaits.

As I read their works
I am inspired more,
To write the good write,
Let my words explore.

I can only hope to one day be,
A writer part of a greater "we."

Still soft,
Undefined,
Awaiting the hands
Of the creative soul.

Red muddied joy,
With potential
But potential so easily lost.

One wrong halfwitted artist
Deciding to "have a go"
And throws the disaster into the kiln.

Fired.
Done.

No reversing.

Unless...
Some master painter picks up,
Transforming  the waste
To water for the thirsty soul.

Potential refigured.
After all everyone deserves a second Chance.

Dearest Best Friend,
Thank you
For standing by
Through all the years.
As I pushed you away,
But then months later called
To divulge my fears.

You never judged me
Or turned me away,
And you always reminded me
You were there to stay.

Sometimes I didn't deserve you.
Sometimes I acted like a ****,
But I feel you have reminded me
Real love is worth the work.

Now here I am thinking of you,
More than I have of anyone else before.
It makes me wonder after all these years,
Were you the truth in true love's core?

You have failed me
As I stared at the blank page,
Wanting to create something of significance,
But when just a response to something in my day,
Then you have something truly beautiful to say.

At the sunrise,
God's gift to remind us
Of the beauty in a new day.
Or as the rain pours down
Blurring my windshield,
Reflecting my inner sadness
As I feel as isolated as a lost penny,
But at least I'm heads up,
Lucky and looking at the sun.
Wherever he is, hidden somewhere behind these clouds.

Subliminal messaging is what makes my head spin,
The read between the lines conversations.

Sometimes though, they are in foreign languages,
Like guy speak, or flirt speak,
Which apparently I don't speak.

So despite my hair
"like an Amazonian goddess"
Or you dancing me around the kitchen
You remain an inspiration.

Because of course you like me
As a friend, solely a friend.
Actions and other words canceled,
Because you're a flirt.

It's fine because we couldn't work,
We need to work together on too much,
And afterall, you're younger and without futuristic vision.

I need someone who can see
The road ahead,
What we can be,
Someone who thinks like me.

I slept in my car again,
Not due to lack of housing,
Rather due to lack of home.

Before you start to rationalize,
Hear me out.

Home is where there is love,
Where there is safety,
A sense of belonging.

I pay rent for a roof and four walls,
But being there ***** away my life,
So I'd rather sleep on the road.

My spirit craves so much improvement,
That I can not get laying in a warm bed,
But from working until I crash.

My poetry is suffering,
But my suffering is poetry fueling
My life as I write my future.

I turn each page with excitement,
Because this ending
will be happily ever after.

I know.
I pay attention to foreshadowing.

I know I can't stand here
still, freezing in mediocrity.
The winds of what I could be
chill my bones.

I see the fires,
their warmth of desire calls to me
both equally ablaze.

One chants "Diamond."
One chants "Best Seller."

I can be both, but one needs to come first.
So how do I choose?
It is like choosing to purchase either a chicken or a fertilized egg.
However,
which is the chicken and which is the egg?

Where did it begin?

That moment when love became
as overused as recycled paper.
Sure...wonderful!
Saving trees and hearts a like.
It tasted,
initially like peace on your tongue
but the morning after like regret.

Ironic,
given the alcohol
that numbs the pain
is one in the same.

Yet
we get up
and begin anew.

Almost as if nothing ever occurred,
however like any form of matter--
we are changed.

You can't burn to ashes
and rise the same,
pieces are lost,
pieces are gained.

Only thing that remains
is your name.
Let it stand for more
than this disaster
I sometimes claim to abhor.

Love is lovely,
but it, like war
takes casualties
with no remorse.

Circle, scribble, eight
words that do and don't
relate.
Just trying to keep
my pen and mind
moving, flowing,
don't know where
I'm going.
Writing squares, framed
around
the
page.
I wish my words
cast a spell,
but I am not a mage.

Just a writer,
let out of her cage.

Time to
ROAR!

I cry for you.
I don't know why
I cry,
but I do.

My heart aches
for you
I wish it wouldn't break,
but it has, all the way through.

They say love heals,
it also reels,
and feels,
like you've been shot.

Not
in the cute, cupid-like way,
but the day to end days,
crazy killer-kind way.

So you stumble,
and mumble,
sounding like
a bumbling fool.

They make it look cool,
the movies, the books,
the romantic wins in the end,
if they aren't lovers, they are the best of friends.

Reality doesn't play this game,
it isn't over, end credits,
smile, you can have the same.
It is harsh, and true, and we fight for it.

Have we all lost our wit?!
I would like to say, not I,
"I quit!"
But, alas, that would be a lie...

My gorgeous green eyes,

are only surpassed by the beauty of my mind.

While I have many friends that are guys,

none of the suitable, boyfriend-type kind.



If this is intimidating,

stop if you dare,

if this is self-incriminating,

I don't really care.



See this is just to know me,

that kind of verse,

Not some kind of showy,

pick-me type curse.



I really have a heart of gold,

and want to help the world,

If you think this is too bold,

I'm not your type of girl.



This really just came

straight off the top of my head,

I can't complain,

I actually like it- instead.



Anyway, now to my objective,

If you are curious about me,

know I'm quite selective,

and let time set words free.

Dive deeply into your dreams,
delve into the sweetness of happiness,
and know you have found solace,
in your words,
in His words.

Expression,
longing,
these instances either break
or make us who we are today.

So take control,
speak blessings,
do not curse yourself.

For your words,
and my words,
they possess power
to both build and destroy.

Be bold,
build up others,
build up yourself,
and weave your dreams
into life.

You challenge me to stretch
my mind like taffy,
so it only gets sweeter,
and stronger ,
allowing me to flex
my literary muscles.

Taking normal words
to another level;
from the sea floor,
to the beach,
to Mount Everest's tip,
To as far as the Earth's gravitational field.

Then I'll drop you back,
to your reality.
Away from images,
that can take you as far as the moon,
with it's craterous surface calling to you.

Be that as is may,
you can visit me again
and we will take a tour,
of another new land,
or experience.

Are you ready?

He smiles down on his searching children,
laughing in wonder
as they tangle themselves
in the webs of society.

He takes a moment,
smiles and untangles us,
and tells us again,
"I love you. Follow me."

Sometimes we do,
sometimes we wander off.
He is ever patient
and loves us the same.

He pleads with us,
"My child, I wish to show you
the way. Teach you to speak kindness,
teach you to celebrate happiness."

Are you listening?
Or are you lost?
Take a moment to pause.
Let him guide you.

Life will never be the same.

I smothered him,
put right out,
that torch he was carrying for me.

He so gentlemanly,
looked out for me
more than I myself.

He worried about
my manic behavior,
backed off.

Or  did I push him off,
for fear he was enabling me.

Regardless, that man shook me up.

He had me from,
"Thanks for the ride."
I think he fell for my crazy honesty,
"You sound like a kitten purring when you sleep."

Our random,
let's just drive
adventures.

Talking about life,
while we smoke,
and then talking about death.

We skipped our whole lives,
crammed into one moment,
life then death.

I guess it makes sense,
because we lived in just that moment,
every moment we were together.

Due to this grand illusion,
I experienced
a lifetime of love in 3 weeks.