You
I don't know how
I'm rarely around
But your words reach out
Swirling in my mind
One at a time
I hold on
I'm here
            Thank you

I've been spending these days
With meaning in the haze
Thinking bout the days
As she is getting old
I know
But she more than a grandma
She's like my ma

I thought it was good
I thought it was grand
I was dating a white man, then he said I was no good
But he called me his silver lining
Isn't that a calling
But then they said that's a warning
And I didn't think that with all his begging
Then I was his rock
I was his boat
I kept him afloat
Now they say
I'm nothing but a scapegoat

When sky's come falling
Like a Fallon out of control
Lie down in its wrath
Taking all he has
As clouds are anything but pain
Lifting you in your feet again
In it's wake making your hunger
Free from suffrage
On days your stair flight
Flew you too close to the ground
When your fingers burned
By the light of both ends
What the last light left
As your breath
Blew out its last flame
And the reins take your light
By the thunders in the night
That send you to the forbidden
Corner of life
Did you call it fear
Because you were in
That silence of life
The one without words
Were there was no point of return
Only the black hole
Lay down it wont hurt
I promise and seal it with
My lips if Newton by then
Can he even exist
In a black turmoil
I call home
Welcome to my black hole

What's in a word becoming a verse
Stuck on repeat clicking delete
Depleting the courage of send
Killing by the fear of your dreams
Diluted into the reality of today
What was once yesterday
Turned the time fast
liquifying life past
Running through my hands
Letting go the unknown of tomorrow
Never repeating yesterday's sorrows
The shudder shakes the fear
Of thought even just to wonder
Living once in the moment
A multitude of failures
Backed in the corners of nothing
Im ignorance becoming obsolete
Becomes me behind the scene
That defines the word regret
never knowing what I avoid yet
Ripping the pages of yesterday
Failed by the image of my shadow
That courage left hiding in it's face
Tearing it down waiting for tomorrow

Childhood the definition
Of destruction was engraved
An early grave leading to gray
It's meaning of oppression
Under the rants and raves
Splitting everything
separating nothing but two beds
Two lives held together by a child
Learning love in others
Watching what I never had
Family at times taking me I
White collar family
not having anything at all
Scattered from ego learning faith
From the earth that made us
From grandmothers love
Holding of different cultures
Mending and teaching
Till whipped away again
Learning self destruct
even by my own hand
Never understanding
Only by watching examples
Of the ones walking by I never knew
I'm rugged and worn
Though softly scorned
You've become a slave to your eyes
Making me a slave to your ego
Ashamed and loathed
Aloud you gloat ignoring my screams
Of leave me alone
You take a girl
with blood from her nose
Learning to heal wanting more
I've played crazy, am even flipped coins of what to write
Many at times where
From my heart but I as I stood and watched and my son as well
Helping with the pieces that fell
Has been around two
When you never knew
Some of you took in chime
As if I took the time
While luring make believe in others
Ruining my name
For the sake if an abusive brother
With paper trails of abuse
When children all but went insane
Since 1994 none of you
Not one man but one here
A little man has seen what we've been through
I was proud to experience life
For my first time and try
What everyone had done
As a normal day to day
Congratulations your point is proved
I hand all of you your imaginary game
Allowing your own brother to take the ring
As ashamed by your view
Of who you think
I may never be
Not one of you know me at all
But only one
Little man
And I miss my sons dates
His serenades, love letters to mamma, our pain only we know, a separation one by one you'll never know.
Unless you took the time
And this is not worth our time
I am ashamed in my self again
At having make excuses for the men
I've chose on my life
To cause much regret
This I will never tolerate again
I am drifting as my children
Are missing as we have
Not all been the same
This destroyed our lives
You are not men
Men knock on doors
With real names as did I
Once upon a time
Is now the end
Goodbye

Jose, I'm sorry I tried. Mom