one thing
i absolutely hated about myself
before he came along,
were the freckles on my face
and how different they made me look
a part from everyone else.
but the day he noticed my freckles
“radiating in the sunshine”
was the end of the constant war
i felt within myself.
i started to become so comfortable
with the way he would gently grasp my face,
counting how many freckles he could spot
was always a game.
i never knew anybody could make me feel so at peace
with the way i looked
but let me tell you what
i wished for more freckles
hoping it would keep him interested
when really the only person doing any harm was me.
i wanted and wanted and wanted.
when he went away,
so did the sunshine.
and so did my freckled face.

give it time

they all say to give it time
but how much time is enough
to not feel like
im constantly depending on it
because lately
it seems like there's no amount of time
that can make these feelings go away
no matter who comes and goes
nobody will replace you
and not a second goes by
that the idea of you
doesn’t cross my mind
because i believe it is true
that no amount of time
will cancel out
how strongly i feel about you
and the thing about time,
is that it doesn't actually run out
the clock is always ticking
seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years, centuries
it's really all just a number
that brings a new day
i hope it will all be worth the wait
because im not willing to give up time

sure i might
admire every single move you make
and so what if i look the other way
every time i catch you glancing over
it all feels too much like the beginning
where i knew it’d be easy for you
to find a place
deep in one of the chambers of my heart
and so
i might not be opposed to welcoming you
right back in
but i do have one request
i hope you don't leave another chamber empty
like you did the first time
just for it to be the last
because my heart can't take any more damage
of feeling hollow
and being without you

carrying hope

it’s been a while
but that’s the thing
carrying hope does this to you
because no matter how long it’s been
time doesn’t stop you
from holding on
to something that you cherished
for so long.
carrying hope
will remind you of
the constant battle you feel
between wanting to let go
and wanting to wait it out
because in your mind,
there’s a small chance
that one night he’ll wake up
and he’ll miss you
and you’ll be waiting.
i can’t tell you not to carry this hope
because chances are,
no matter how bad you want to drop it,
the hope hangs tight
it won’t let go.
the problem is;
you’ll carry this with you
for far too long.
face it,
you’re only afraid
of hoping someone new will come along.
and you fear that this new hope
won’t be able to replace the old hope
that you’re still carrying.

been there

people say things they don’t mean
it’s up to us to decide
how well we take the things they say
either with a grain of salt
or
like a freshly sharpened knife
diving straight into our back
jokes are fun and all
secrets are a step up
and confessions,
those are the deal breakers
but
It’s up to us to decide
what’s worth dwelling over
all i can say is
i’ve been there and i’ve done that
i’ve recieved news, i didn’t think was possible
that grain of salt was taken,
but at the same time
that freshly sharpened knife,
it drove right through
and the dwelling,
it’s still taking place.

one last look
at the mountains
that remind me of all sorts of things
reminders of the obstacles
and the space
i feel between you and i
reminders of the up-comings
and downfalls
most importantly,
reminders of the times
i've climbed up such a steep *****
just to get to you
the trees
bring out my growth
the wind
it blows and sounds like all of the listeners
spreading tiny secrets all over
and when they fall,
that's when we did too.
when the leaves change color
either brighter, to spread love
or darker to share hate
and resentment
that's what i recall
being overlooked

you must really be confused
one day you would say i love you
you were overprotective
and jealous
you were caring and kind in ways only i understood
and the next day
your looks were so deceiving
you wanted me all to yourself
but then there were times when i wasnt enough
i was more than you could handle actually
you made promises
you didnt keep
but this isnt about you
this is about me and how confused you made me feel
the thing about confusion
is you dont really know why you’re confused or where you’re confused at
all you know is there’s something missing and you can’t understand why
what i dont understand
is how you can say you love someone more
when you dont even know what more stands for
and thats where im confused
you didnt love me more
you barely loved me at all
more meant that you wouldve done anything
to be at gods end with me
not that now
i’d rather be the last person you’d want to be stuck on this planet with