a sudden intake of breath,
not a gasp,
but something infinitely more subtle
that's all i hear
and i can tell it's not real pain
because that comes later
real pain is different
is not even entirely physical
just because it's real
does not mean it's tangible
and even so, it sounds different
a plead
a murmur
a silent tear
rolling down one's expressionless face
because when real pain gets here
no emotion can capture it
and nothing can really help
you're all on your own, dear
there's no one coming, and crying isn't really going to help
in fact, nothing's going to help
you know that, though, don't you
you're familiar with it
hell maybe you should be the one warning me
i know nothing, dear, and i'm frightened
i don't know what to do
i don't ******* know what to do
help me, oh god, help me
because i'm so alone,
and afraid
and it's dark, dear
you know how i've always been frightened by the dark
and now it's come back to haunt me
no more nightlights flickering at midnight
and maybe it's better this way
maybe it means i can't see the shadows
but still, darling
it's still real pain
it's still there
whether you can see it or not
whether you know what it is
the hopeless feeling in the pit of your stomach
that attacks when you're alone
and silent
have fun, darling