Nobody
Knows my real name
‘Angel’
Is what I go by
I am freezing cold
I don’t have money
Just
The clothes on my back
I am a walking wardrobe
I am lonely
I smell like crap
I am starving hungry
I can’t find any shelter
My clothes are drenched
I look like a drowned rat!
Violence
Upon women
Is classed normal
Around here!
I wonder...
If
I will survive
Another day?
Only
To wake up
And
Do this
All over, again!
“Protect me Father"
"Let no harm come to me
As
I lay my head to rest”
“I love you, dear God”

“Goodnight”

I cannot get into heaven
God I have tried!
Suicide is a double edge sword
Especially
When you survive!

Walking the streets at night
Dazed and confused
Longing to be loved
Wondering...
When is Mum
Coming for me?

"Does she still love me?"
"Does she still care?"
"Does she still think of me?"
"Does she wonder
Where I am?"

I want her to come find me
I want her to say
She 'loves me’
I want her to comfort me
I want her to take me home
And
Keep me safe
And not forget
That I exist
Like the way
She treats me now

I wish God
Could make my Mum
Magically appear
Making this hellish nightmare
On the street
Disappear!

“Send my Mum please!”
So
All this can end!
Before
This last ray of hope
Diminishes
For good!

I don’t want
To become
The walking dead
Forever forgotten
As if
I was never born!
For this
Is the cruel harsh reality
Of living life
Feeling unloved
Uncared for
Abandoned
Left
To fend for my own

A dangerous killer
Inside me
Eating away
At my soul
Something
No one
Can see
As
I suffer in silence
My insides crippling!

Lost
Alone
And frightened
Weeping
On a *****
Graffiti park bench
***** tears
Rolling down my cheeks
Stuffing newspapers under my jumper
To keep myself warm

“What am I going to do?”

“Will I make it through the night?”
“Will I get ***** and beaten?”
"Will I be left for dead?”
“Will I survive
To see another day?

“Is my life worth living?”

Please God
I beg of you
Have mercy now
Please
Show me the way!

Cold case lover
How I loved you so!
You always mattered
But,
You
Never
Believed me!
You were my every desire
You were everything to me!

Looking through your eyes
Jaded with jealousy and envy
You laid your hands upon me
Acting out
Your emotional
And
Bitter pain

“Why were you so mean spirited”?
“Who messed with your mind”?
“How can you kneel before me, now?”
Pleading me
To forgive you
As
You bawl, your eyes out

Your relentless begging
Over and over
You
Keep playing mind games, with me!
Begging me for mercy
To come back,
One,
Last
Time

With my swollen eyes,
Broken bones,
Twisted up, insides
My heart is torn!
“Are you a dead man walking”?
“Do you not ‘feel’ no more”?
“Will I get to see tomorrow’s sunrise”?
If,
I stay another day
With you

Playing Russian roulette with my life
I am terrified, I am petrified!
My eyes are blind,
My heart too forgiving!
But,
I am not leaving

“Will I become a cold case ******, one day?"
I wonder...
At the hands of my own stupidity!
“What will you do on that day, dear lover?"
“Will you lie and be deceitful?"
“Will you hide things?"
Just like
You did, from me!

Will you ‘vow’ devotedly
You did it
All
In the name of ‘Love?'
"Will you brag about,
Your ‘bitter sweet victory?"
Open wounds,
Bleeding soul
Release me free
From this man’s betrayal!

Dropped out of school
At an early age
Lived on the streets
Because I disgusted my mother
She thought I was a poor example
Of true Christian beliefs

At an early age
She religiously drummed into me
‘blood is thicker than water’
And yet,
Here I am today confused, lonely and hungry
No one protecting me
No friends
No family
No home to go too
Just, peoples eye for an eye,
tooth for a tooth mentality
Praying for the sun to shine
To feel some warmth again!

Sun rays of hope, lighting me up
To live through this darkness without fear
With a heart full of faith
No matter what happens to me, now!

If only I could drink my salty tears
It would sustain me for a lifetime
Your tears are worth nothing, around here
You’re classed as weak and venerable
Only attracting death
Your life worth nothing!

Save me from myself
I am my best friend
I am my worst enemy
My prayers and dreams
Lost in the wind
Blowing around like autumn leaves
The rain washing them away
Down the drain into the sewage

Rolling with the seasons
Year after year
Survival for the fittest!
Surviving on the love
Hidden, inside me
Being my strength and guide
My personal lifeline
In surviving this crazy world
We all live in

Missing your kiss
Savouring what’s left
On my painted red lips
Setting my soul on fire!

You have been away far too long
This is driving me crazy, baby!
For it is no secret
Nothing is right
When you’re not with me

I would give you all I have
Including my heart of gold
Just to be with you
Right now

“I Truly Do Love You”

Once here
Now dead & gone
“What am I known for, this time round?”
I exist
Only as a memory now
A memory that fades
Over time
“Who will remember me
When I am gone?”

No one
Knew me
Yet
People will say
They knew me
So well!
A laugh!
How often people 'think'
they are experts!
Yet
Really
They know
Nothing
At all!

“How well did you know the inside of me?”
For
if I was to ask...
“What is my favourite colour?”
Or
“What’s my favourite song?”
I listen
For answers...
None come!

“What’s my favourite food to eat?”
Complete silence...
I could hear a pin drop
Round...about...now!
“Do these questions
Fall upon deaf ears?”
For I ask...
“Who truly knew me?”
“What Am I known for?”
“Who will remember me
When I am dead & gone?"

I sit in the classroom
Start of a brand new year
I am really nervous
New students, surround me
They come from diverse cultures & backgrounds
None that I am familiar with
It’s like God gathered the whole world
And placed us together
In one, tiny classroom

I admire the beauty of their different coloured skins
It’s like gazing at a mesmerising masterpiece
Neither human nor artist can replicate that kind of beauty and colour
God’s colour palette, extraordinarily vast!
I love the way their eyes stand out
Beautifully matching, their shade of skin tone
Warm and welcoming eyes
White, shiny teeth
Hearty laughs
Everyone’s so friendly!

Going about my school work
I listen to them talk
Talking in their native tongues
The rhythm and tones of the sounds, so fluid
I noticed they think before they speak
Where most people I mix with ‘blurt’ stuff out
I love the way they pronounce things in English
Faces full of expression, lots of hand gestures
Wanting to be understood, validated

I like the clothes the cultural people wear
Bold and bright colours
Shiny, printed and patterned fabrics
Where I choose to wear black, most days than not
I turn my attention
To the others in the room
They are dribbling on about nothing
Nothing, worth listening to!

Drawn back to the cultural people
I notice some come across as sad, scared or timid
Often too shy, to speak up
To say what their thoughts or opinions are
I wonder if each knows how beautiful they truly are
I can’t wait to learn from all these new people
I am blessed to be surrounded by so many races and nationalities
What an amazing, wonder-filled world
We ‘all’ are privileged to live in!