what did i get myself to?

Four letter word and dime and a nickel and a quarter of your time
to a bliss passing by 595
your breathing and chest sinking
your lips calm and keeping ,upon the hours
of a dosing night a lasting high
your front teeth milky white meets my frosty space
the diving hips
a collar trips
man i feel you pull through and it isn't enough to call me some coward
some dancing ***** hanging on to your very lips
you said maybe is there a way
i said nah yoo i ain't raised for that
i am a forty five pound lean launching machine
from outer space to your living set
and busy strutting with vowels and annunciations since i got the power
for the heys and nays
i got the power
i got the power so it
ain't easy to unfold and what hasn't been told before
i ain't some player, goldie lock mean hater
prestigious for the one word betrayers cause it is out bend and crying doesn't work anymore
i got the breast knuckles to my chest and i say the fury of a quiet man is lethal
i am begging you to tell me you aren't danger.

You have no idea of what you want
then, a second round on the long island ice tea ;) cheers to that mate
you smiled and everything went blue and the waves of LED lights bounced as air hit the left dent of your nostril
chills down the ligaments in this spinal chord
your blue eyes question whether insanity was a new guest
so you decided to follow
and fill the spaces of void you constantly avoid
a 21 year old dream
departure to the wondering themes of being company
to this night and to this cushion of our bliss
because your love is weary and it mirrored your ****
a baby maker in vacancy since my legs are dead.

How could lust be so demanding
the bodies be so fleeting and stupid and dumb
courageous in just the wrong place
but vain is some reality to wanting more of what happened
let the vanities of dream catch on fire and let the ashes be thrown to its nothing
it just doesn't pertain to me either
i don't want you anymore and not in my head either
so get the **** out and leave.
my friend.

he's got me feeling like whoop whoop
and makes my eyes feel like headlights
shining bright to the universe,
he's got my soul wondering by the right side of my nose

His words simmering like hot yummy soup,
his smile is contagious.

Don't leave me, so aimless
without fervor

without sight or sound of your voice

And as naked as I was
your heavy forehead and far sight replaced the old models
of your carpet,

carried you on, to the steps within your norm,
fillings from our two souls passing on like the night before,
you leave,
taking turn, to deal,
like the  rising of the sun,
an up bring to my darkest hour.

i will cut out pieces of paper with the letter K-I-S-S written on it
than actually torture my body after physically kissing you
because sir you
are '
magenta.

a color revolving so deeply with in my veins
i am not saying we are one because you sir
are
magenta

a colour ravening with lure and mystique
but if i allowed you to kiss and kiss my breath to open places
i would become an expert
a know it all
because i would discretely feel your lips on mine
as you pronounce volcano, muscles, performance
and just like that
you would be the......

the things i avoid constantly in my head
and now i allow paper with K-I-S-S
allow you to understand that i want you.

I was stuck by the glares of fearing eyes
I handED my life to an illusion that white supremacy is right,
being a white female with blonde hair was BEAUTY,
I allowed the cold judgement to affect my view of the color of my skin,
completely undress my worth,
I was oppressed, living in the valley of darkness,
this WORLD and its injustice is not my choosing
but it is to live as a victim.

Let freedom ring, let freedom ring.

I found myself writing about the purging I wish I had with my mouth
i am stuck on the bunch of insinuations of letting a bunch of strangers know this is how i ******* feel. HELP ME NOW!
why are you so depending on someone? why are we behaving like a train wreck
tilted over on the tracks because clearly you are meant to move
motion and fast and fast burning coal and pace and burn and more motives
but i failed at that once again and i feel like swallowing a pool of water just to feel my throat swallow but i don't wish to keep the ***** reminiscence of water.

a little lonely city
called L A
lives only by the light
slowly dies
by crying cop lights
and it goes back
to criminals
and drug rapists.

hundred feet wide streets
getting  longer
for the destination
with a chat with a tree
or an old farmer
asking for money
to drink a cup
of rich folks
with plastic smiles
and the hills
painted gold
hiding the trash left by the ones who claimed
to have conquered it all.

the city of dying angles
and the further cities hiding
under palm trees.

Alone they decay.

It could be a good use to open up
and strike the hello to familiar faces
in which in a run off seems so awkward and need of avoidance when
crossed upon
maybe just then i would feel less guilty of being myself..
the deep inertia of what makes this woman a man
I long for deep conversations with human kind but I even questioned whether IF such conversations are better than with talking to The God of the universe...
stupid and low thought
but i think i am in this paradigm in which as dumb as i think i may sound speaking  ENGLISH AND LACKING  UNDERSTANDING OF THE USE OF LANGUAGE
i still have needs...that need to be met.

Imagination runs so limited
in what growth is there of it if I constantly believe that I AM THE ONLY ONE who feels and knows..