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 Nov 2013 Speak to me Laura
Lizzy
I can't seem to figure out
What's holding me back
From buying more blades
As we spoke and I
found myself safe in your eyes
I suddenly saw
what you have given me

His hands link with mine,
our arms create a matching line,
his patterned lightly by freckles,
and we're sitting on the
summer porch at dusk.

He loves me.


but only because
you showed me the secret
I had kept from myself:

that my eyes can see into souls
my laugh can turn hearts
my smile can make blood race.
that my words, my thoughts, my loves
and hate, my
passion and fire and tears,
my temper and my gentleness,
my utter ridiculousness and
my absolute
poise,
my total seriousness
and surprising propensity
for laughter,
my complex flaws and nuanced perfections,
that I,
me,
everything I am and all
I will ever be
is worth something.

And could be someone's everything.

This is the secret you have pulled
from the depths of my maybe not-so-broken soul,
cupping it in the careful curve of your hands,
holding it out to me,
fragile like a newborn but growing stronger
all the time.
And I'll take it in my nervous palms
and the warmth will fill me
and I will live like new
because of this precious truth that only
you
could have extracted
from the labyrinth
of a deep and winding heart,
that only you could have known well enough
cared for deeply enough
to traverse the dark passages long enough
to find
my lonely light.
You know who you are. Thank you. I love you.
don't tell me I'm beautiful
tell me you think I'm funny
tell me you like my mind
and not my body
I am more than just how I look
I know it's selfish to say it's hard
but I want to know that someone sees
more than what they outwardly perceive
because there is way more to me
I have a personality
I am sick of the, "I miss you, beautiful" lies
you're just seeing with your eyes
I just want to know I'm more than a piece of meat
tell me you think I'm neat
can't you tell me you like how I greet new people I meet?
or how I use my thumbs to turn a page when I read
there's just more to me
this is a selfish plea
Why did you do this to me?
Your the reason Im addicted to cigarettes
I'd become obsessed with you
So why did you make me so addicted?
Why did you carry on with lies and deceit
Why did you ask so many questions that night?
But why were my questions still unanswered?
Why did I want the time to rewind itself?
Why didn't you look at your phone
You didn't look at your phone all night
And it made me obsessed with smiling
Why did my body feel like it was on fire
When you kissed me with such passion
Pressing me up against the front seat window
Whispering "you look good"
Guiding your fingers through my hair
Why did I want to show off
What you did to my body that night
Why did you let me borrow
The scent from your sweater?
Why did you?
Why do people notice how you look at me
Why are you the reason time goes fast?
Why are you the reason I can't catch up?
Why am I falling for someone like you?
Falling for what you don't want from me
Why am I not good enough to be with?
Why am I not yours
I hate nature sometimes.
Like sugar plum fairies
We dance
Around each other
Waiting for something to happen
Over power. Over woman.
Falling to our primal instincts
We are better than that
We are more than that
I hate it.
The way we are stubborn.
We are too busy fighting.
Fighting time
Fighting fear
Fighting death
Fighting each other
The hands of the clock ticks away
Death wraps its warm arms around us
But that I suppose is why we dance
I've learned that happiness
cannot be found in the form of a little
purple capsule.
I've learned that Pisa will have to wait until next time.
I've learned that the third mushroom
held in my sweaty palm was not as
big a deal compared to the other two opening my mind.
I've learned that a part of me
died that night where we ****** in a
room with no furniture.
I've learned that life is work and that
the molotov cocktail of Dubrah and eay mac
that came spewing from me left an orange tang
upon the floor.
I've learned that pain is better than numbness
and that jabbing a sewing needle repeatedly in my arm
was an educated decision.
Most importantly I've learned that together we are better than alone.
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