you say i act as if you owe me.
im alive
ive been fed
ive been clothed
i act as if you owe me

you held me tight when i was scared
and i held you when he left.
and then i held her.
she was fed
she was clothed
i act as if you owe me

im all grown up with so much more to learn
things i was never taught
things i still have to teach her
because you cant
i act as if you owe me

you work
you provide
i help
i bathe her
i comfort her
i help her with her homework
do you help me?
i act as if you owe me

im not a kid anymore
i haven't been since i was 5
my years taken as quickly as my innocence

i live
i help
i act as if you owe me

you do.

i always believed that i was a grain of sand
small
insignificant
bound to be blown away by the wind or
swallowed whole by the shore.

but you.

you came harder than any wind or ocean ever could
and you swept me up,
but for the first time,
it was bliss
you were far more yellow than the mere sand that i am
you were a sunflower
you were a star

now i am still sand but not a grain
i am the beach
i am the protector between the world and a hurricane
i am me and that is enough
and you, my love
you are yellow

i hurt
you hold
you leave
i hurt

i don't see you
only the pain you caused

i see it in my mother's cries
i see it in my sister's fear
i see it in me.
swarming me
filling me whole, like mould in a house
i see it