I find it hard to keep these thoughts inside my head
For as soon as one leaves another wishes I was dead
And I've had nothing, nothing's changed
But I once had something and now I'm insane

My body now lacks the subtle movements
These tiny gestures of air
As if it gains amusement
When I'm pulling out my hair

Cause I've been down too long
Searching for a light
A reason to belong without it feeling like a fight
But now I've lost all hope
My lights faded black
For the one I loved who couldn't love me back

My world came to a halt,
Depression setting in as if it's a fault
Slowly finding its way inside my heart
And all the emotions or lack of started tearing apart

Cause you fell from grace but you're nothing but saved
From the very first moment, the very first day
I've thought of you and swore true on my intentions
Never having to answer any questions

You act as if everything's okay
But how is that true when I can't make you stay

See, you talk about the lack of love
While you constantly push and shove
Knocking the sense out of everything that breathes
Falling faster than the leaves on the trees

So there's nothing left to do but pass time
Live a little life, do a little crime
Dig a hole with all my troubles
Continue bruising my knuckles

Hold your tongue or it will hold your heart.
and all the pain that tears you apart
for the skin is tough; the mind is weak
in in our selves we truly speak
the thoughts held deep within our soul

And I missed the warnings
The ones in the mirror
That tell me that the objects reflected back were depressed more than they appeared
And the parts of my life, the ones that move slower, are spent searching for "hellos" in the sunrise
Now, I didn't choose the sunset, but you chose the doorway and everything must end in the closing of this moment.
Cause people ask what it was like loving you
I just say "it was nice."
But the echoing silence that now fills my room is slowly tearing me apart.
I have dreams, dreams where I'm falling and I'm crying for help but only screaming your name.
Because loving you was my favorite song but I've pushed replay too many times and now the button doesn't work.
I'm told to look on the bright side, to search for the good, but I've been locked in the dark with a solitary moment of you.
Well, the song is now over and it can't be replayed and I'm stuck here thinking of the one who slipped away.

Amaryllis beauty left hid away
with bleak existence day after day.
Searching for the beauty that filled my dreams;
like golden arched laughs on twinkling sun beams.

I cut the fork in the road, left casually my blood it begins to flow.
Bleeding down into the ground Ive sowed,
wishing now my time was owned.

But as I look down at the past
I begin to see how hope trickles fast.

For In the ground a flower bloomed
blood rose as the rest.
Subtle with its deadly perfume
It's beauty as pink as breast.

For the love it gives with subtle hues
Always remind me of you.

Cause your eyes knock me off my feet, and they don't seem to feel a ******* thing. I guess it's all up to fate, but what about our love and our hate? Are we powerless to what happens? Can we not create a future? Who knows.....hopefully one day. Hopefully when i find a way.

a way to you

Alone and out of time
your heart was the perfect crime
but i'm left here waiting, waiting on a cue
though i try and make a plan
i sorta just began
to see clearly, that i do need you

so if you'll come and sit closer dear
i'll whisper in your ear the things i love
but if you stay; decide to walk away
my entire life will fade to gray

and as i look around
conflicted by your crown
i'm confused as to if i should've bowed
but everything's okay
i'll make it through the day
and return, return to the crowd

and that's just it
the beauty in lies
the perception that everything's alright

like the difference between
looking at something
and looking past it

its hard for me
when i sometimes mix the two
and how it leaves me thinking
about the day
you ran away

how i spent the year in bed
when i was far too 'tired' to pick up the phone
cause i was under the assumption
that you'd come back
if i couldn't help myself

and im calling out for the paramedics
cause i drank myself blue again
sprawled out on this tile floor

when they found me
they started pumping up memories
pumping memories of the day when you said we needed to 'TALK'
how i spent that night on the bridge burning my throat

coughing up the day
that i saw you with him
how it started the cycle all over again

well its been a lonely year
one year too much
since the last meal we had together
in your favorite diner
with the juke box
and the old music
and how ive stopped singing those songs

i guess it's no coincidence
that the birds fly away whenever im around

cause i can't see you for who you are
if all ive know is what youre not

and as the words slip from my mouth
the rain begins to fall
as if God thought it necessary
to fill these wounds with more than just blood

someone was on the bridge the other day
they were close to jumping
with endless races of cars sweeping by
and its hard to look at something
when all im looking at is the past
and now that I think about it
i wish that was me

and i'm disappointed
disappointed in myself
but that's nothing new
i've made my bed
out of needles and broken glass
with all the stuff i've been through
well now i sit in pity as i make my list
of the things left burning
and i can't help think of the risk
concerning
all of the people
coming in and out
leaving just before the doubt
i have in my mind
of the perfect crime
where you're left there sinking
but you've found your air
taking gulp after gulp of this i swear
and the tub is overflowing
but there's no hope yearning
for the tears this floor has seen
"i've been overflowing"
"i've been overflowing"
cause i've been at the docks
mourning over all the ships
as they're left there floating
in the thick
while i've been sinking

a captain going down with his ship