Every day throughout the hallways,
I hear it.
"I want to die",
"I'd rather **** myself",
"Oh my god, **** me".
I'll admit it, sometimes I catch myself saying it too by accident.

But these phrases matter.
They are not a joke to simply be brushed off
and forgotten
with a slight laugh, met with fake agreement.

Suicide is real.
Whenever I hear the phrases,
I am brought back to the cemetery.
My grandpa burying his son.
He read a poem to commemorate his son's love for literature.
I fought back my tears because I hate crying in public,
even if it's justified by a funeral.
We pretended we weren't sad.
We tried to fathom how his life was so cold that he'd rather face death
They pretended they understood his pain.

Every time I see a hanging on television
or hear someone talk about hanging,
I fight back my tears
because my experience with that is too real.
It shouldn't be real.
I understand the depressed's pain, I really do.
But suicide leaves scars on everyone you leave behind.
It changed my life forever
and I pray you find the courage to stay.