my heart is so heavy, with every step i take i drag a whole bunch of bricks with me

every day i wish
that my parents would have given me away when i was a baby
cause that would mean
i would‘ve been adopted
by parents
who want to have child
to love it
and not
to abandon it
or destroy
it’s tiny soul

if i just had loving and caring parents
i wouldn’t be in this situation now

why do i have to carry out the pain you once gave me?
why do i have to carry the fault if it was all you?
why is it always me that is in pain?
why?
why?
why?
why?
why…?

you may think it’s just my smile that is gone
but honestly it’s so much more then that

where some have shards on their way, do i have a whole ruin to walk on

and maybe
i better stay mentally ill
instead of trying to get better
when it falls down again anyway