i can feel my pulse in my shoulder blades and
sometimes i'm out of breath for no reason and
there's glitter in my eyelashes
and homie is my new word
and i have rings on even though i hate rings and
driving makes me forget my name and
sometimes i fall asleep in the middle of a sudoku game
and really there is something to be said for being alive

everything tastes bitter in my mouth
compared to the memory of you linger on my lips
four in the morning is the worst time to whisper secrets
you told me to shut up
when i tried to talk myself out of you
your mouth was so sweet
sugar sours on my taste buds
because that was my last taste of you

i meet the frozen-lake blue gaze
of my backwards lover
and wonder if maybe that's why her skin
is always frozen-over cold
hinting at the veins underneath like the ice hints
at the water rushing below
wonder if the snow-covered arch of her spine would still
be white-capped if each **** didn't protrude from her skin
my backwards lover is gorgeous
she is a ******* beautiful disaster
words like fractured pavement
each day she's a snowflake that takes a different shape
no two are she the same
i watch my backwards lover with an ever curious gaze
mirroring her movements as she turns her face my way
tilt my chin to let her gaze run over my jaw
hold my breath in the hopes that she'll approve of my
less graceful icy skin
what does it say about me that my backwards lover
always turns away
from my too-warm-to-be-frozen flushed cheeks
turns away from my rib cage that doesn't peek enough to
be dusted with snow
my backwards lover is gorgeous
she is a ******* beautiful disaster
and i am just a mistake