Somewhere between the throbbing tinnitus,
and tummy ache from liver damage,
my eyes rolled round,
and found focus on bliss.

Remembering the moments of pure distortion,
accompanied by breath,
and disrupted with the anthem,
of a hundred kids unyielding.

“All you have to do now is breathe,
You’ve done it to yourself boy.”
And a smoke coated couch,
has never smelled so great.

I’m staring at heaven,
though my eyes are closed,
and the sun now rises,
over a broken painted wall.

Punk rock paradise,
moaning out of tempo,
everyone’s waiting to get lit,
if only you’ve got a spark.

After a thorough thrashing,
we cram into the whip,
and my head finds solace,
pushed up against your seat.

The bands roll in,
everyone drops out,
to a B-flick joke,
room filled with smoke.

After you all left, your party that is,
I ended up parkouring a bit,
through a beautiful display of bamboo,
and wooden structures,
and found myself amongst friends,

Thai ladies who recognized me,
from the last time i had been here,
and we picked up conversation,
exactly where we had left off.

The one on my left was from Chiang-Rai,
she was beautiful, and spoke english well,
while the one to my right,
who also spoke well, was much more foreign,
and much less cute.

After finalizing the feelings,
it was off to the festival of life,
and the veggie food cart, once again,
was happy to see my face.

I told them as i had last time,
“Come to get a massage,
we can exchange for bomb food,
and all will work out well.”

Somehow these fields of love,
brought me back to prison walls,
and a game of basketball,
amongst angsty inmates,

and the soup that was bought for me,
for i could not pay, and we lost the game,
but all was not lost,
as i was given the keys to the jailhouse band,

and almost instantly i was back in that bar,
with my dad getting me drunk,
and buying tons of groceries,
to feed all the new friends.

It seems i had been given a deal:
they wanted 4oz on the front,
and i would be in the band,
and my dad could manage it all,

but just as easily i was sitting on a couch,
taking such a fat rip of bho,
that without missing a beat,
i remembered its exactly what i shouldn’t have done.

Right before i took the time to notice,
two full radiant moons,
floating over the horizon,
not terribly far from one another,

and the light that played off of them,
incredibly flashing from one to the other,
and that strike of borealis,
no different from a midnight rainbow,

with the technology coming through it,
only to touch down next to us,
in fear that it would harm me,
but truly only trying to locate your sister.

I was in a room with an instructor,
a few other students as well,
discussing triumph and failure,
and losing it all into the ethers.

Not so different from the room i ended up in,
the dorm of that that ****** institution,
pumping up people with chemicals,
and changing them for eternity.

Before we started the bickering,
arguing my lack of ability to quell you,
and how my parents left me inept,
while i knew we both ended up here for a reason,

and  before those sickening walls,
I had seen the wound you came to me with,
from you heart right to your ovaries,
cut deep, but not all the way through.

Yes, and when you asked me to help i submitted,
and did my best to oblige, even knowing,
there was nothing for you i could do,
but continue to love you as i had.

And so escape was plotted, from the walls made of petroleum,
and slowly they removed any and all things,
that would remind us of ourselves,
those people that had once existed outside,

and further we drifted from the two glowing moons,
only to get stuck in that room with forced loons,
and the skies grew darker by the day,
and the lights never turned off at night.

Things seem to be
somewhat real this evening
a chalice moon
far in the west
dare i say, lonely?

and for once this comes to me
without me being asleep
and i find the words to speak
from another kind of dream

things would be so easy
if the same **** appealed to me
at least they would be cheap
because cheap is so easy

if only for a moment
before fake lights upon my eyes
and options in front of me
barraged with packaging

the air it seems to be
enough to sober me
moisture frozen to my face
as i occupy the space

enlivened by the opportunity
of moving place to place
to get that necessity
and return to a place high in the trees

i'd rather take you away,
and **** you my self,
than never see you,
and know you’re the cutest ******,
that town has ever seen,
and have the prettiest hands,
that have ever made,
domino’s pizza.

Why must we torture ourselves?
i haven’t had nicotine in days,
caffeine in weeks,
and only 2 meals a day,
and yet i feel so strung up;
tied to the habits i didn’t even hold on to.

its a horrible trick:
to show yourself such a beautiful image,
of what could be,
knowing especially the ****,
that is underneath,
and under that?
Sure its a light so full,
gold doesn’t even come near.

i always find this here,
in the realm of my heart:
my true nature all around,
and my tears all on the ground.
For i could have, would have, should have,
all day long,
but what did i?
No i was not; we must’ve both been mistaken.

i’d promise you heaven,
but you can only give it to yourself,
and as for the rest of us here:
well we will blow around like tumbleweeds,
at the bottom of this oxygen ocean,
flowing hitherto from the last accident,
as it burns through, and from us.

this is not poetry,
this is not even clever,
words to scream so nobody will hear,
if nothing else,
i’ve got lungs to ******* breathe about it.

You were all there,
with me,
as usual,
only something strange took over;

A thin film of reality
coated everything,
in those sunny fields,
on that day time.

The way you said your name
made them all think it, “Sarah,”
but you and i both knew,
that wasn’t really the case,

and furthermore,
we were there together,
and i destined to push you,
against the wall to kiss your face.

that laugh and smile,
all that i needed to see,
a ****** in babylon,
is a princess in hell,

and i’d probably write you a poem,
if only it wouldn’t solidify,
the cage you radiate inside,
the one in my mind.

i suppose i could laugh,
maybe cry, or just ignore,
the joy your presence brings,
waking up, falling for more,

and inside i guess  i know,
if this is how it shall be,
it will truly never work this way,
you outside, not inside me.

Only moments ago
when dogs weren’t barking,
and arctic chills hadn’t yet run up my spine;
before the brightness of today,
had yet to burn into my retinas,
and these eyes hadn’t seen the beginnings,
of a snow falling day.

I was in the jungle,
high in paradise,
kissing foreign girls,
with foreign tongues,
and speaking to old friends,
in languages i did not know,
about things i did not care for.

Riding frivolously down the ‘wrong’ path,
headed in the opposite direction,
only to be corrected,
by a friendly local, explaining,
“Love, love is in that direction;
the one you just came,
and from whence you will return.”

And the night fell, and tourists grew scared,
for the streets held all sorts of responsibilities,
and although i had been crying,
those lovely tears of joy, after being handed
the red rock of my fate, by a man seeming friend,
not long after dark,
he was forcing bags into unsuspecting customers’ hands.

after refusing, after breaking off from the rest,
as they attempted to coral me,
and the bag of loot in my hand
barricades had no effect, as my heart and soul,
this vibrating force of nature not to be reckoned with,
shed its timidity, its apprehensiveness,
and revealed that black leopard coat and delta growl,

and instead of opening up that beast,
to let it tear through those wanting the best of me,
i stretched myself out, in a warm bed,
and opened my eyes to see,
the dog curled up at my feet,
and a slit of sunlight from outside,
lights now off, day now on.