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Sandra Rodriguez May 2015
She was drowning in a pool of thoughts
Trying to silence who she was

Left and right
She had always been confronted with
Nothing but illusions of happiness

She was told happiness was a choice
Logic then indicated that
Depression was a choice too
And her choice ,
her choice was always depression

It was something about the pain
That soon became a ******* game

The adrenaline , the rush , the insomniac nights
They had all became a habit
It was the source of her writing
The source of  her life
It was addictive
It was a drug she loved getting high off of
It had become her best friend,  her companion
For it was always around
Anxiety was her cousin

She had learned to love them both
She embraced them
I mean how could she not
when they were the only ones
who were always around when no one else was

Time obliged her to learn how to conceal her depression
She had mastered it
And no one had a clue

She thought to herself one night
Asking the awakened sky
Why it seemed that she needed depression to survive
Why she needed depression to get by
When all she ever wanted was to ******* strive
Sandra Rodriguez May 2015
I'm falling to pieces
but I don't mind
because the high I felt with you
was worth my time

                              Or maybe it wasn't
                             and im just venting
                      Telling myself it was worth it
                     When I know it really wasn't
                        
your memory haunts me
 No, more like it taunts me
causing the raging storms within

                      I guess its time to walk away
                       While i haven't yet became
                                       Insane
  
My ego whispers , he was yours
The monsters the storm created
Whisper , dont let him go

                    But the bit of sanity I have left
                             Shrivels and says
                               Accept that it
                      just wasn't meant to be
Sandra Rodriguez May 2015
You were what i like to call
the original high

You were the one that knew
How to make me reach the endless sky
The one I needed in me
to get by

The high with you as the drug
But you then became the worst  

They said ****** was bad for you
But they clearly never had a dose of you
They had studied ******, coke, and ****
But they had never studied you
And your toxic love
Yeah, the same one that I believed
Was sent from above

You were deadly  
And I was,
I was high on you
And your love
was cutting me like a knife
not knowing I was playing Russian roulette
with my life

Because no one had ever told me
I could feel the high without the drug
Sandra Rodriguez May 2015
I flip through the pages of my favorite book
Poems even
Attempting to find allitle of myself in the authors

To have the satisfaction
of knowing
i do not stand alone with my thoughts
Attempting to rationalize the insanity of my mind

— The End —