Remember that boy?
With a chemical smile?
That boy who lived
With each beat of
That patched-up thing he called a heart?


Remember that boy?
That boy who sold himself
For a price
That wasn't worth even a millionth of him?


That boy who pretended.
That boy who lied,
Cried,
And died.


That boy was birthed again.
He accepted the gift of grace
And
Went running into open arms.


Remember that boy?
Remember Ralph?


He came back home.
He's in Love now.
Everything's beautiful.

The little girl who tried.
The little girl who cried.
The little girl with a million failures.
The little girl who shed a million tears.
The little girl who lived in the shadows.
The little girl who loved the darkness.
The little girl who was lost.
The little girl who was scared.
The little girl who screamed.
The little girl who was confused.
The little girl who hated.
The little girl who didn’t understand.
The little girl who didn’t want to try anymore.
The little girl who wanted to give up.
The little girl who gave it one, last shot.
The little girl who lost.

That was the past.

The little girl is now
The young woman with the gigantic faith.
The young woman who laughs.
The young woman with a million victories.
The young woman with a million smiles.
The young woman who lives in the shadow…
Of the cross.
The young woman who loves the light.
The young woman who has been found.
The young woman who overcame her fear.
The young woman who laughs.
The young woman who knows.
The young woman who loves.
The young woman who is beginning to understand.
The young woman who will never stop trying.
The young woman who will never give up.
The young woman who won.
The young woman.
Me.

Donned a white dress today

With pearls and gold.

How long has it been?

Three hundred and sixty five

Since the day you went

Away, away, away.



Remember the painting

With colors born from rainwater?

Did you even get to see it

Before you went

Away, away, away?



Remember the letters

With heart-ink and tears?

Can you see them there,

In that place that is far

Away, away, away?



The place you are in,

The one that is

Away, away, away

Is actually

Here, here, and here.

My heart, and mind, and ears.

Sixteen reasons

To wonder why

Sixteen seasons

That lived and died.

Sixteen seas

And sixteen skies

Sixteen matches

With sixteen tries.

The pearl-and-gold

That hugs the candle,

Is a promise of purity

That will not be broken

Until the time comes

For the pearl-and-gold

To be replaced

With gold-and-diamond.

Sixteen dreams

That want to take flight,

But not yet.

It’s not time.

I’m only sixteen.

Be careful
of what is put into
the white pail.
Watch out for
marbles,
pins, and
tacks.
Unwanted wanted
trinkets.
Needed yet unneeded.
Opposite, indeed.
Watch your fingers,
because sometimes,
band-aids aren't enough
to stop the bleeding.
You'll need a doctor
to do that.
But first,
get rid of
that junk
in your
white pail.



I'm certain
that the doctor
will do just that.
All you need to do
is to hand him the pail,
so he can fish out
the nasty things
and keep you safe
from harm.
Hand him the pail,
and he'll return it
to you empty.
But
he will fill it up
again,
I promise you.
He will fill it
with goodies
and more band-aids
just in case you
dump nails and
pencil shavings



into your white
pail again.
Just hand it over
to the
doctor,
and he'll
gladly empty
and refill
that pail
again.

Before I found love,
I didn't know any better.

Before I found love,
I didn't understand what love was.
What love is.

Before I found love,
I fell.
I fell into a bottomless, empty, dark
Chasm.
A ditch I myself had dug up
With a *****, bent spoon.

Before I found love,
I would lie in bed.
But I was never alone.
I didn't want to.
I had to.

No, I wanted to.
I needed to.
There was something
Addicting
About the strong arms of another.

I couldn't stop myself
From constantly wanting.
From always needing.
From giving up everything.

Before I found love,
I thought I had love.
But all I had were eyes filled with dust,
A ***** spirit,
And a heart full of lust.
I thought I was in love.
But I was in lust.

Always wanting, never giving
Always receiving, never blessing
Impatient,
Cruel,
Jealous,
Proud,
Selfish love.

And not to mention, my hands were sore,
Bruised,
Broken,
And ugly
From the never-ending routine of
Digging myself deeper and
Deeper and deeper
And deeper into my chasm.

I was judged,
Misunderstood,
And tortured.

It came to a point where
People started throwing stones
And words.
They threw them as hard as they could.
They threw them at me as if their lives
Depended on hitting that target.
And let me tell you,
Their aim was fantastic.

Before I found love,
Love found me.
Found me lying on the ground.
Found me in ripped clothes,
Found me with a battered flesh,
And a bleeding heart.
Love looked deep into my eyes.
No, Love's look went past my eyes.
Love peered into my very soul,
My inmost being,
My heart of hearts.

Love could tell by my
Bloodshot eyes
And broken body,
That I had been anything but
Beautiful
Lately.

Love pierced my heart
And saw every shortcoming
Every failing
Every flaw and imperfection
I had.

Love saw my past,
And it didn't seem to matter.

Love looked at me,
Really looked at me,
and said to me
That I wasn't guilty.
And Love pulled me
Out of my chasm.

Love walked away.
And amazed me.
Love loved me before I loved Love,
And Love loved me while
I was still in that chasm.

Love pulled me out,
And sealed it so that I
Would never fall into that chasm again.

I followed Love,
One night,
And poured a sweet smelling
Perfume--- the best kind
On Love's feet.
And kissed them.

Hair undone.
Face tear-stained.
Love wiped everything away.
My past.
My wrongs.
My old life.

I looked deep into Love's eyes,
and heard Love say,
“She has done
A beautiful thing
To me.”

A beautiful thing.

A beautiful thing.

I did it for Love.

they will all leave

one day.

why make friends?



they will betray

one day.

why trust?



you'll regret it

one day.

why love?



so much sorrow

these days.

why smile?



it will fail

i say.

why hope?



why?



because...



just because...



you need to learn

to live.