I look up at the ceiling of his bedroom.
Lines of laughter plague its surface; they mock me.
They know what we did last night.

Patches of snow are scattered across the floor.
A single, red, lighter lies on his bedside table.
A flame; a feeling of inexplicable ecstasy.

Ecstasy; that's it.

I look out the window of his bedroom.
Tree branches dance just outside; they mock me.
They, too, know what we did last night.

Dark pools under my eyes try to balance out the glassy appearance of dark brown orbs.
A few syringes, used and empty lie by the bed.
A needle; a feeling of maniacal ecstasy.

Ecstasy; that's it.

I am here, and you are there.
we seem to only be a breath away.
I could reach out and touch your perfectly sculpted face,
cold as a statue,
but warm as a flame.
I could trace your features,
lingering on the lips I've longed to kiss.
I could run desperate fingers through your hair,
feel it slip like water,
unattainable.
I can see your eyes, hooded by silk curtains,
bright as your smile.
Your teeth,
perfectly aligned as you smile;
the happiest sight in the world.
I am here, and you are there.
But as the void fills and the crowd overpowers us,
suddenly,
you're light years away.

A star that may have burned,
     exploded,
          died,
Three billion years ago
     still remains alive in the hearts of children
          with curious eyes and
budding imagination.

A memory that may have  dissipated,
     dissolved,
          evaporated into thin air.
Still has the power to
     Pierce a heart,
          Melt a soul,
With a desire to have the unattainable.

A love that may have crumpled,
     deteriorated,
          shattered
Three years ago
     can still make tears fall,
          and hearts clench
With thoughts of what could have been.

I'm afraid of a lot of things.
Creepy, crawly spiders,
Flying, vicious bees,
The monster under my bed,
Shadows in the forest.
I fear the idea of an inevitable death,
I dread living my life alone.
I'm terrified of the future.
The only thing that eases my worries,
Is knowing that you'll be there with me
the whole way.

I once was a kid,
Just like we all were.
I once saw the world through child-eyes.
I once chased butterflies,
And caught them.
I once danced through fields of flowers,
Breathed in the scent,
Of unattained dreams.
I once stared at a window,
and thought of all the beautiful things beyond.
But I no longer am a kid.
I now see the world through adult-eyes.
Butterflies are chased,
But never seized.
Field are left unbothered.
The aroma of dreams still lingers in the air,
Waiting to be found,
But left hidden.
I now stare at windows and only see the rain,
The clouds.

I don't care about you.
I don’t care about your smile,
Your perfect teeth that seem to glow.
I don’t care about your problems that you always trust me with.
I don’t care about the sweet nothings you whisper in my ear.
I don’t care about the precious moments we’ve shared.
I don’t care about how your hair feels when it runs through my fingers;
Like water.
I don't care about your jokes that pull me from my sadness.
Or your stories that help me through life.
I don't care about your music that saved my soul.
Or the poems you wrote that melted my heart.
I don't care that I love you.
I promise.
I don’t.

My mind is a swirl.
It twirls and whirls and twists.
It never is quiet, it never is still.
My mind is a swirl.
Unceasingly inventing, endlessly creating.
My mind is a swirl like a tumult ocean
rocking a sailboat back and forth until it overturns and
dumps out all of its beautiful contents.
My mind is a swirl that encompasses my body,
lifting me up,
bringing me down.
My mind is a swirl that twirls and whirls and twists.
It never is quiet, it never is still.