little Bird

little Bird Apr 2013

Just because I’m scared doesn’t mean I’m running
tattered, but I’m not tearing
my darkest self emerged in these streetlights
turning them off to find what’s right.

little Bird Apr 2013

Daughters

I fear one day I should have daughters,
Yet I already know their names:
Ruby, Jane, Dotty, Maggie, Charlotte.
Would it be a blessing or a curse
If they turned out like me?
My mom told me when I was young
“it ain’t easy being a woman, I’m sorry.”
Sure as **** that was true.
I swear I never took that woman for a fool.
I can’t help the way it plays in my head
The pain in a woman’s eyes
Her smile so alive
It tells every lie
Deep down she’s half dead.
As I walk this path myself
Just as generations before
I wonder if that’s why
Little girls have such pretty names
To have something to keep it together for.
I’m older now and I still dream of their faces
How they’ll do right by
Our family of strong women
Whose names they were given.
Don’t be sorry, Mamma dear,
You pass your burdens to me
So our family can survive another year.

little Bird Apr 2013

Please no, let me go

Take it slow
Take it slow
I’ve never lovingly been
Where this will inevitably go.
Softly, slowly
Softly, slowly
You gently touch my arm, my hair, my face
I whisper about my past
Things I have to tell you
Before you can begin to break through
Flashback
Flashback
Tears rolling down my cheek
I can only see his hollow eyes
Please no
Let me go
Body freezes, it’s just begun
Stare at the ceiling till it’s done
Please no
let me go
Just let me go

little Bird Apr 2013

Protected For the First Time

I intently watched the movie
You watched me
You're looking for signs of fear
or sadness
Your arm around my shoulder
protected
My fingers grasping yours
I feel safe.
Rest your cheek soft on my head
on your chest,
Our bodies melt together
I'm not scared.
Time limit, this won’t last for long
Hold me tight
Hold me close
We both know
I can’t stay.

little Bird Apr 2013

Twirling Around My Head

Who is that girl in the mirror I see?
Used to know someone who looked like her
but lately she’s foreign to me

Those eyes aren’t mine
used to be so bright
wonder why they don’t shine

Look at me today
fake smile, forced laugh
eyes that speak of constant dismay

Like a snake shedding old skin
my wounded soul hides
I try to recreate an illusion of who I’ve been

Wearing the shell
of who I used to be
How did I end up in this secret hell?

How unsettling to not
recognize my own face
symptoms of feeling distraught

Like punching and kicking
down endless drywall rooms
time is slowly ticking.

Want to feel worthy of love
baggage, damaged goods
Who wants the girl I speak of?

Resist the Vicadin
A shot for breakfast
won’t make this easier to take in, product of sin.

I can’t believe I’ve become so vain
Fantasize about falling in front of this oncoming train
Make these thoughts stop twirling around my head
Starting to think I’m better off dead.

little Bird Apr 2013

Drowning

I swear I’ll save me from me
that’s how it’s always had to be
days spent trying not to drown
I’m sinking without a sound
don’t you worry about me
how it’s always had to be
I dove a little too deep
soul is sinking, breath won’t keep
Finally falling asleep.

little Bird Apr 2013

This City Stole My Soul

Honest to God
if I stay I won’t survive another year
Tell you I’m flawed
Every person I meet engulfs me with fear.
This isn’t me
Became the girl I never wanted to know
Well, they used to say my smile made me glow
Can feel bright Chicago lights blinding me now
I’m doing this the only way I know how
Fight to the death
Shame this **** tail spun me into loneliness

— The End —