Them stories about times are rough
People telling you don't give up
While rent is due
Your paycheck is never enough.
Family dependent on your strength so you "man up"
and tuck whatever emotions you have away.
Reminding yourself there will be better days,
Times will change,
as long as days are long and nights are dark
Nothing stays the same.
Holding on to what little pride is left
So packing away memories of defeat
And times when you only had the two shoes underneath your feet
Along with a dream of famous people you will meet.
Struggle to make it
Tell mom when you do that the world is what she will receive from you.  
Relaxation is the key for you... But you wont do
For time waits on no one
While man made clocks rewind
Wishing this was the last time I wrote a poem
With myself in mind.
Decline---
your request to be the reason
my heart pumps blood through my vain
And knowing soon this feeling too shall change
While still my dreams to be the greatest remands

I wish my hands would formulate the perfect poem.
One that would prove I'm not insane and this emptiness I feel wont go in vain.
As if I wake up depressed so I pray yet wake up in the same state as yesterdays.
I know I fear if I don't change that my existence will be a memory
People will have to look at photos to remember me.
Following the formate of old ways that I figured out failed earlier days,
Life's funny that way.
The insight I saw yesterday doesn't fit the same.
I know I'm ashamed but I keep repeating rituals anyway
for if i break habit things might go astray from my dreams.
Like my success is closer than it seems so if I could just fix this after I reach my dreams
I promise I'll focus on getting better.
This is not as easy at one would think.
If one act could fix this hole I put myself in I'd do it till my sorrow within matched the smile
I put on faces so I can pretend that this is the perfect situation when it's really a tragedy
that this controls my morality.
Raise eyebrows then.
Wondering what could be so hard for me to grasp
Take a look at how she is framed
Realize this is not a racial thang that the color of my skin doesn't mean
I don't feel pressured to be thin.
Withholding my deepest coldest thoughts within
Amazing how this poem some how felt like a sin
To put paper to pen and tell the world what I'm struggling to win
a race I once was first place in.
Satisfaction, concentration, I have neither.
Maybe this is it,
Just what I needed to cut this loose from the tight grip it has on
a girl without tags but seems like the cost of her life is dependent on
the numbers her jeans read.
Her tags bleed lies as though her mind hypnotized by the obsession of small thighs,
with smaller size.
Brown eyes hide what sorrow she feeds inside
wondering every night if this time she will die.
My thoughts some fairly tale dream that mothers pray their daughters never live
while me I pray that I open my eyes and this time not just to cry when I'm alone at night.

I wrote this to say "I'm sorry"
But some how I want these lines to serve as more than the average apology
I want you to acknowledge me
surface my intentions beyond the 2D
Dimension our eyes see.
This situation calls for 3D glasses in order for you to fully understand a lost avatar,
No blue creator on Flat screens,
Just someone as complexly simple like me.
Adjust screen.
Magnify my heart so you can see that it's impossible for it to bump
without skipping beat.
Intimidated, I was,
The thought of me without you
was something like Pinky's ideas with no Brain
Things just were completely insane.
Personality, biopolar
for when your presence wasn't near I became a individual even I fear.
Like my body is here but my habits are not me.
Some sort of split personality
Name her for this ****** expression isn't one I recognize
This new form of madness has hypnotized me.
I  can't believe how this new predator only shows when you are away
As if when you are close your voice tames the beast.
Never leave me for if you do I wont be able to behave
I apologize for this my temper that I can not contain.

Writing poems on crinkled paper so the mind wont forget lines.
scheduling him on calendars so I wont forget he is mine,
quality time, a needed break from the constant stress that
causes earthquake, headaches.
Body shakes.
I tremble as beats stop,
Holding onto air for no breathing soul seems to care
That my lungs will no longer accept air.
Carbon fells empty lungs of pain
leaving just enough oxogen to sustain life on the same Earth
That gave birth to troubled minds and sickness
Am I supposed to feel grateful for this constant distress,
this nonstop pain that I just can't escape
while the media continues to ****
My idea of beauty for all to see?
While they tell me to be thinner
you all think I'm sick because bones is what my body
should seek?
Wanna take a peek of all the pain that I self infect?
Wanna view the person under the clothes so you can judge my soul?
Release your raft so I may cry more within,
Like words are not weapons that we are all equipped with
Like your negative **** is some necessary gift.
Explain me this,
Why do you read lines just so you can repeat
to some other misguided soul you meet?
Words are cheap unless followed by the moving of feet
left, right, then repeat.

Strolling through life with my
Eyelids clinched shut
For my vision failed my heart in the past.
See because my last,
Was a cheap bootleg of a man
For at first glace he looked like the perfection of romance.
His words rolled off tongues between soft lips of lies
That kissed gently the ends of his deceit
Crossing all his t’s and dotting all his i’s.
His actions some how stuck in repeat.
Never show up, wont return calls, and then gift her with affection
Just so her mindset of going into another direction
Won’t reach her feet.
The memo to run away before another night of tearful eyes
That info never reached the logical part of the brain for she
Was too overwhelmed that this one clamed love.
The idea was beyond horizons of pride for swallowing  
True beliefs she remained his main
Chick. Fell in love with the idea she was the one he came home with.
When in light she was just his midnight hype.
Somehow wrong felt oh so right.
He knew her love was beyond that wifey type
But he couldn’t stay faithful for more than the nights
He lay in between her vision of everything.
Love notes she read in repeat just to somehow hold onto a boy that
Would never amount to the love from a man.
She tripped and found love again but this time
Her eyes wont be the one to blame
Maybe this time things will have a chance since this one holds
More than the age of an honest man.

I gave you my all
you gave me less than half.

I gifted my heart
You gave me a free movie pass.

I kiss you goodnight
you hugged me goodbye.

I introduced you to my fam
Your friends think you are single.

You asked for space
I noticed you really wanna be single.

I tired to breakup with you
Yet you knockin at my door
Sayin' you need me
That you've changed,
My hurt is in the past
And you want me to be your first and last
Love.

But you said that same thing the last time you
were so "in love" with the girl next door
that is now the neighborhood, hood rat *****.

I slam my door
Not knowing you would knock once more.

I cried
You held me tight
begging for me to let you stay the night.
I knew it wasn't right but I needed relief
I needed someone to need me.

I needed you to realize,
I needed you to look into my brown eyes
And stop telling me the simple lies.
Stop telling the guys you just were with me to get in between my thighs
When clearly your telling even more lies.

I haven't givin you anything but my heart
You know the one that you are causing all this ache to
The same heart that you say you need too
The same heart you threw away the day you wanted to be single for a day?

I question your loyalty on daily
I wonder if there are more girls you call your baby.
I want to know the answer to so many questions
but I lack the strength to handle the truth that i scream I need from you.

I know you have groupies
I've convinced myself I am the only lady
Your body aches for.
The only girl you crave for.

Knowing the truth lays in my lap
I ignore that.

I just know you wont bring that ***** back
into our home
I can hear her moan
As if they are my own.

I realize as I am crying,
Cuddling my pillow,
The screams I hear are real.

I step into my living room
To see that this dream is not a dream, this ish is real.

I can no longer conceal my rage
I scream
Go on a full out rampage!

I fought you till the lights and sirens
apear.
Now before the judge I have no fear.


I can't believe your blood is left burning on my hands.
He was a sorry example of a man.
I'm glad he is no longer on anyones hands.

Wishing to rewrite history so for once I would live life without stressful seconds
Without worrying about tomorrows and if my borrowed time is up
Or if this should be my last cup off hazy weekends and hangover weekdays
For the routine is played as if the DJ only has one song
One CD and the mix is just for me
As though that one CD is the expression of caged songbirds like me
Like this is the person I am meant to see, the tortured soul that is me can only be freedom
when I **** the seed that was embedded into me.
Into the blood I bleed I feed the monster as I pass the **** and tell the bartender one more for me…
Why can’t you see that this is the death of people like me?
For when songbirds are gifted free rage to sing the songs come out like these.
The songs sing of life unlived of time retracted from clipped wings
Just so I could be programmed to do similar things  
Building a time machine so when the next songbird sings
No one will be able to clip her wings
For familiar eyes will be hypnotized for uniform leaves no room for originality  
Copycats killing the freedom of the minority
Exterminate the majority and give me life
Or if not pass the knife for this uniform life is whipping out the songbirds rights
To give the world a song to sing and melody to remember
A chorus to write
With fingers of talent controlled by minds that wonder with imaginations to explore
The songbirds cry a song I wish not to hear anymore.