who are you talking to under the harbour lights?
please say, "nobody but you" and steady my knees
when I ask, "where will we go?
you know my name, you know my heart, and my mind
I hope you know, you were my rock, never my stepping stone"

-c.j.

symptoms of spring fever:
is it aftermath of a cruel winter?
or hungry anticipation for summer?
everything is alive, and new
except for you, except for you
you have never felt less alive

-c.j.

He roams the city, she sits there
What a pity
He sees every light, every street, but justice does not shrink
For she sees every memory, every song, like film placed in her eyes that she couldn't push away

-cj

Thoughts held me captive
I wanted to end it all
Happy, sick, in between
I was mess and only death
would clean

-cj

tales of the mountains' sound, scandinavian girls dancing, happy
together they sing
this too shall pass, this is not everlasting
light is their hair and twisted is their logic
they confuse the seasons, an iceberg for the sun
still they spin, blissfully unaware of the brewing storm

-c.j.

I am aware of April marching toward me
and yes, I am scared
at a red light I tell him this;
you're strong enough, he says,
clasping my hand tighter

maybe, but I wasn't then, and somehow
an anniversary triggers it, and I can feel hell close
beside me, behind me, or ahead of me

I am strong enough
I was strong enough to change
and now I refuse to be a victim of circumstance
last year's methods were deadly and I am done
come, April, come
you won't see me fall

-c.j.

stop me if you've heard this-
a day in the life entails clairvoyant sights
authorities accuse us, they say you break the rules
you lied when you told us that we didn't set the place on fire
(you started it with your minds)

-c.j.

Gone are the days
of overlapping circumstance
Now I am simply
a girl
walking this dreaded trail
with flowers in my hair

-cj

At the start I am sewed up
At the end I lay ripped open, blood and thoughts for all to see
And after all this time I know this is what is supposed to happen

-cj

curtains tremble at her presence
the consequence of the remarkable
angle of her bitterest smile

-c.j.

Enter, seize the catalyst
It's a battle and a friendly conversation
Smile and you die, sword and you die
All because of the footprints she left and the echos of platonic laughter still here

-cj

What you think you will never do
or like or become
can infest your mind
and invert your prior beliefs
to the icy caps
you wanted to avoid
You can run but
hiding only exposes you further
Naked and dignity
shoved elsewhere
This is what you thought would
never become of you

-cj

It rains alot this time of year
Paranoia soaked
Was it a mistake?
Despite an interlude of an overbearing cloud mass, gallons from the atmosphere,
Accompanied by harrowing hallway whispers of wilting hopes
It's all forgiven now, justified and crossed out
Now the winter sun can penetrate us further into bliss

-cj

Do you confide in your window glare
or is it your enemy?
You're breathing in numbers
and little decimals ***** the lungs

I want to say, as we drip we blossom
That the smoke will lift, and when it does, the sky will pale and remember all the terrible apparitions it enveloped

Do you believe in a beginning or is the middle enough for you?
I am clutching the thought of you
in a dozen mirrors at once

-c.j.

Perhaps we were too young
to understand the implications,
but too old to ignore them

Oh, infatuation-
how it smothers us in violet flame

Soft is the sound of me leaving,
yet within these walls echoes
something loud and wicked;
it inspires blood

Your endless holiday will not leave, however,
nor will you miss the allure you possess
You undressed the concealed beauty of me
I had thought plain

I had no idea what I was getting into-
mania with fainting spells
at just the wrong intervals,
and unrequited love,
and all the ire therein

Despite this, I hear, always,
"Entire cities shook for your sake, darling;
the least you can do is smile"

-c.j.

She spoiled herself
with too many songs
Most were from
the past decade
Some were short
Some were lengthy
All linked themselves
together in her veins

-cj

Opening doors and closing them once
glimpsing what is on the other side,
a cowardly move,
but we are all guilty, holding the ****
we grasped too tight, sweat still wet on our
hands and fingers
Someone else autonomically preparing it-
a relief, perhaps? or a burden? Only time
will tell, spill its secrets without a hint of
shame 'cause the virtues personified daily by thousands of sullen dreamers just fade
incrementally till the blank nothingness of
it all stuns us into silence, leaving crowds,
multitudes, curious, breathless.

-cj

rather not say what's on my mind
but I like honesty I guess
you ruin everything you know
each hope you smother like
an unwanted flame
make me want to scream
you're the frustrater
I'm sick of being the victim
you're the perpetrator,
my twisted lover

-c.j.

upon our arrival the holy assume we're evil
friends mistake us for enemies
but we cannot condemn them,
the flowers look like dead drums, songs sound like sirens
no hero nor heroine could save us
there is no death better than this

-c.j.

Who knew one could rhyme with such ease
Surely the timing was merely a tease
To plot, to spot, to tumble down the parts, a feeling of locked up spirits and twisted smarts
If this is rocket science, hand me a pen, for a career in the space field I must sign to again

-cj

the end of the semester matched with the cold
school was plain and the fields in our eyes
were white

we wrote essays on idealism for the A
planning with spontaneity
craving the warmth made;
snowless trees or eastern timber
the evitable obscured; thick, surreal, mouths
wit turned clueless, so to pretend
almost taken for imagined oaths expressing
willed waking

when wonder expels our innermosts,
forgiving our aforementions
pure window secrets connect the maps
stretched tight over each thought

-c.j.

Allison came in late, always
she loved to dance in ballrooms, too
perhaps she'll learn to waltz in time, in time

-c.j.

Dickinson dashes, cummings crimes
Not made nor committed for a pound nor a dime
Whether telegram-minded or scramble-thoughted
Their work is theirs, regardless of fortune or heirs

-c.j.

I want to go home, all of this slipping around
feels like wobbly knees and ice skates
fate is pressed in a book whose prologue reads,
it'll get you there
to think that this volume is caged under
the slab of frozen rink
inspires more homesickness,
and my eyes blink and blink

-c.j.

when you stare at me with those gem eyes
I get all laced inside,
hypnotized
moments that should last forever
gone before they see the sun
keep looking at me
your eyes are gems
with you I am complete

-c.j.

Morals clung to me and nipped at my shoulders more than I held onto them
Perhaps what is good and what is bad is undefined, at least in my little mind
He told me a bible on the ground was bad luck, and I laughed and squinted at pretend omens
Do you believe that, I asked when he muttered, in the beginning god created the heavens and the earth
I don't know, he said, and we knew that we both didn't particularly want to

-cj

to break her heart you'll need more than a needle of course
a knife sharpened minutes ago can cut cleanly-
is that what you intend to make, a clean break?
it will hurt far more if you go halway
and stop
heartstrings taut, reminding onlookers of a harp
created by a blade trimmed keenly and sharp
to break her heart you must damage it but not
beyond repair
or else, you see, she'd simply get another one
this way it's stuck in her chest, unright,
mending each fibre until the ache is only
a phantom hurt
it will merely be a vague pang, eventually
you may sharpen your knife now

-c.j.

fragile china teacups
lined up like soldiers
on the table
beneath lace and under sable
lies a yearning to break and
smear blood throughout the room and
look back in awful ecstasy

-c.j.

I'm sure you know that we tied our wrists, then,
to resist further spark
severed from reedlike limbs came the string
together, unbound
what we want is ours

-c.j.

It finally makes sense, seizing my freedom, forgetting my sensitivity
I smile
Rage against authority to know the taste of revolution, or tell the kids too announce absolute revenge
Much has been said, not enough has been done
Spell out some affection, drive blindly, how each night seals the oracle
(Justify questions, zeal in the eyes and voice)

-cj

This is the world without love, without lust
Without longing
Without tears, without screams,
Without secrets
And it is boring

-cj

Some say it's just a song
But to me
It's an insane little fragment of me and some of you, the heartbreak and absolute madness I created from my bitter yet not fruitless experience

-cj

narrow couch to lay across
carpet for stepping and losing loss

walls around to capture chords
roof above to hear our words

eyes to speak and hands to touch
mouths that move and lips that hush

ears that yearn and lungs that wait
arms that hold and smiles a little late

songs that know and films that show
confessions that cause our hearts to glow

-c.j.

jaw locked and you're running down the stairs
got alot on your mind but
you'll be alright, it's only life
feeling like a bullet's struck and
the heart's been hit real hard
******* it up, spitting it out,
relying on human nature
continue, grit and grittier you,
on the money and in control

-c.j.

wander to the bench where i carved my sentiment
my knuckles write as i held that grudge and pen
to abandon would be too simple, it would not be right
the only logical way was to endure and suffer and cry and yearn
until the sobs subsided and a poetry book chided
my sullen face and posture
forgiveness was a target and the arrow kept slipping out of my hands
and it is still not on the mark
it is on the outskirts of "time heals all wounds"
and further, much further, from the petrified sadness of it
the words i engraved and dug into the wood
are ones i said i always would,
"he lives, he loves"
and he always has

-cj

Money doesn't grow on oaks nor pines
Coins aren't cradled in the vines

-cj

the library is our garden of eden
we entered innocent and
left not so
I partook of the forbidden fruit-
(kiss, an emphatic kiss)

-c.j.

Mum sang like an angel
Dad couldn't bellow one note

-cj

Alone I walk in violet halls today
Without a breath the air condemns my mouth
How lungs collect the myths of everyone
No matter season, colour, or cause
What if the sky could see us now, I said
Our lies entangled in its gasping blue
The mistaken hue to jangle, restless

-cj

What can we expect but to be hurt by love
After all, that which is good must end badly
A truly terrible law
So run from the one who makes you go weak
It will save you time and give you mystique

-cj

Neither Babylon's ***** nor Mother Mary
No, not the one who is quite contrary
For in her grows not a garden but a king
But who am I to say that divine thing
Sins, scarlet, red as blood
Turned white as snow, as wool
Yet still remains that poison-seed
Which reminds me and reminds me of my wicked deed
Pure, I am, but not have I always been-
"The devil finds work for idle hands to do"
Neither downtrodden in dirt nor radiant as sun
These tryings, becoming fruitful, turn me to the One

-c.j.

my hands are diminutive
yours, stately
your strong hand, your left, can shift mountains
(in dreams)
diminutively, I am gathering stories, one by one,
I am building my own kingdom
knots of my bookmarks are in open basements,
open systems, getting another injection done

daringly, you motion the seas to come
loathe your home, soak your dead
ancestor's heirlooms
my head aches, darling, yet soon you shall have
your life changing sequence, making it difficult
for me to draw (aliens giving some often-buried opulences in a breaking mug)
oh, **** the nerves in my small hands
yours do the work, I say, diminutively
but you turn to me and say
you are the work

-c.j.

She wanted adventure
and she got conformity
She wanted romance
and she got apathy
She wanted beauty
and she got plainness
She wanted sleep
and she got decibels and light
She didn't want to sing
and her voice tainted the air
anyway

-cj

hey              what else is there to say
maybe
                     what the hell is going on
why are you a.w.o.l.
this is alot of time
I'm willing to waste
but that is waning
so pick up the phone
dial my number, hear the rings
                     if I don't answer
you've got a  s i l e n t  audience
                     but I'm willing to listen
so say hey                      like before
give us a chance
to stay that way

-c.j.

He left
He said, it's over
He had to catch a plane
He ran to another
He stayed,
which was the most troubling of them all

-cj

Cut into rubber
then young skin
and like a ******
I bled
a lake of lustless blood
rubies liquefied into
the agent that has me
reeling & paling
I am a stupid little girl
who hurts herself
at each opportunity
like these knives
are tempting rumours
to spread
instead of duties calling
work, work, for the day is ailing
and the worst is neverending

-cj

I was scared of it, scared of you
Did you know the shutters' shaking hymns
coming within me, they were all for you?
We learned to detect lies and speak and
cover our boxes with musical skin
Is this the end? No, we have yet to begin

-c.j.

The restroom mirrors have seen me naked
Bells ringing in warning and I wince
Do I look ok? Do I look good? Do I look somewhat beautiful? Do I look attractive? The risk in asking severs truth from fact
Becoming rogue,  I wait, I will

-cj

Writing wasn't an excuse
for feeling
Just a truer medium
of understanding
my sighs and broken
thought patterns

-cj

Lovers measure it with months,
and it is strange, concerning themselves with something so fleeting and insubstantial
Time does not define love

-cj