The thing is,
when you tremble,
your art
won't shake

-c.j.

where is the place that the soul meets body?
my spirit yearns to know its home
why won't you tell me where the soul meets body?
paris, london, rome
the vigour in my layers will not die
until I know

-c.j.

I think I've got you in the palm of my hand
(Lost in bleak visions)
You care I care
**** it, everyone does
Grab me and pull me under
I'll gladly surrender
I will be in the palm of your hand

-cj

Mirrors bend, images send
lascivious shivers
All morality withers
Perhaps the negative,
the black and white,
white and black,
will reveal that
I am inverted and real

-cj

at this point, curving bases
the lightless scene preceding stillness
shields that space, that tremour, that wind
hurls you into the night
joy, 'twill expire soon
and this youth in the back harbours each shred

the rejected one's poison
and the price of indifference
I recognise you, cunning, hovering pixel
a synthetic existence trailing my fringe
if you've kept up until now
you've perceived naught
presently this is your realm
witness it vanish
machine keeping me
machine locking me
and everything happens
and it all recurs

the moral erodes but the madness reigns
you careless creature, surrendering yourself to us
the only thing we own is our recollection

-c.j.

like a mouth camouflaged among the trees,
I was undetectable among the others:
silent, hidden,
no colours to catch the light

-cj

I knew I was not the only one with a problem, if that is what it is called
In fact, knowing that gave me an eerie connection to these other ghosts of girls who go without, who hurt
Overwhelming addiction to the ideal
Ignorance from the people who were supposed to care, or even pretend they did
In the end, or very near it, I felt as if I owed something to the others, dead, living, verging on another episode
My story
Even a few lines would suffice
Silence would mock them and me and all the helk we had been through
So with my voice are the pieces of my darker days I rest here to show that survival is possible, that life is a choice, that endings don't have to be ceasing heartbeats
They can be beginnings

-cj

I am not up against an artless rival,
it seems
the revenge is crafty and the underhand
is lethal
but I cannot be stunned
please forgive me when I do this
what you never thought would occur
is now a harsh reality in your teeth

-c.j.

Without the premature velvet hanging in my eyes,
A sweetly still curtain
My mind would witness far worse events than the vivid imaginings of its own

-cj

The weird part was being reminded of him constantly
In the movies she watched, in the songs she sang, in the temperature
It would be a shame to say that he didn't equivocate her affection, but it was true
He superceded it
He didn't just see her in every film, hear her voice in the music, or sense her in the weather
He kept her name under his breath everywhere he went, infatuated with the very thought of her

-cj

bring in the party, bring in the arbitration
how else can a silhouette on her back not tarry?
bring in the secluded, request for you to connect
to her, slowly
believes only you

nothing surrounding will pay mind
nothing surrounding you
this line that you're tracing
is one stitched parallel for many
the edges, the lengths, flustering
I hope the terrors are concealed by my love

my love, love is the volatile scope of fiction
a façade to cling to when all is wrong
you come alive with pages and crooked fingers
can't you realise I'm fine?
the hazards of implying any lack of strength
just to blank on your birthday,
nothing surrounding

-c.j.

Sea of consciousness, waves
down then lift
words sound foreign
the light unwelcome
delving under then up
realisation is an ocean rock
against your skin

-cj

the air is so cold i could bite into it
teeth chatter, a teenage nervousness bestowed itself
we were so safe there, together, alone
nothing to be afraid of, really
so why is the fear attracting so many?
isn't it better to sit there, let him
unbuckle your seatbelt for you,
and divulge secrets of hidden away distortions?

-cj

There is no reason to hang up your coat
if you are just going to pick it up and
wear it again
So stop your concessions and far-reaching
hypothetical frettings
Give me a maroon bite on the neck
to prove that you're human
like me

-cj

mother and father will break the fall
they will help me get to the far side
except they won't, they can't

father will stand by you in a suit that
lovely day, you in white
his eyes will beg, come home, dear daughter
we miss you in our lives, I miss you in my life
but his mouth will say, look at you,
you gorgeous girl, be happy, be good, love him

mother will sit in the first pew, smiling and crying
she taught you how to be good, to love
they may not break the fall, but they have taught
you all the parts of being that work and make miracles
they will meet you at the far side

-c.j.

the hotter the water
the more it bites my skin
the less I think about
ugly conventions that
otherwise shroud my vision
a smoky vapour filters
and everything will work out

-c.j.

"take me to church," the con man said
and I agreed to it, as I was yet to see
his feignness, his shrouded cloud cast
over the sunny afternoon
I thought I was moving on, getting somewhere,
but I was chasing reflections of someone
I thought I knew,
trapped in a mirror's maze until winter

-c.j.

everything you love, led by their magic
surrounding them, security kept
wind your selfish limbs through it all

coast, don't strive to drive, just coast
you can be the absolute with the trigger
to a shattered heart
because you know I am restless,
I've been hunted down before
the sinking metronome returns, afloat
it doesn't tick anymore

did the child only receive demands
from his own voice?
did the earth spin his average façade?
Sally has screams within her mind, midnightly
the mum's sad eyes that he's carrying back,
waste from the hill

you know I am restless,
I've been hunted before
the sinking metronome returns, afloat
it doesn't tick anymore

lover holds onto thoughts of the unbearable
lightness of being
did the child on his throne and Sally, as soon
as the screams subside, did the earth and the
mum's sad eyes drop the light behind the curtain?

the white knuckles never darken
and utopia is just a hoax and you
should have spoken up
and you should speak up, because in
two decades you'll be silenced

-c.j.

tell me the stories past, dear one
I want to cover lies and redraw the sun,
the swelling globe of our love
I'm your neighbour, not your pillar
we're dependent on the paradigm

different emerging locus,
different bare portrait for this montage of mine
I want to retreat into the heart of your house,
into the middle, just us two
I'm your neighbour, not your shield, and
we're dependent on the paradigm
I'll go the risky route
we'll make it beautifully chaotic, to return to square one
don't hesitate, let's make this now

-c.j.

stay free of the weight of love
unless you find it sweeter to wait
for somebody new, foreign heartbeats
in a pocket of air or a fortune cookie
lucky molecules that match your love

-c.j.

what a surprise, being alone
never thought I was capable of it
I'm a cynic with a bitter tongue
I can give you something to run from
psychedlic caresses, navy sky
surrounds my vision
is it really just another night?

-c.j.

Just wandering in emotional wonderland
How is the weather, you asked
Mad, with torrential rains every few yards
Sounds a bit frightening, you said
Oh, it is-but also devastatingly beautiful

-c.j.

Does the aching beauty of it haunt you
in that pleasant dreamsome way
Like the facets of a diamond we carved to make this moment infinite, if just for tonight
Were you happy
Are you still, even if you're wanting it again again again again (today- tomorrow- next day)
And if you are
know that
the beauty aches for you
and is haunted by your presence
every waking hour

-cj

Physical melodies cremated with thoughts left on the side
Surely the other lure that worked came much prettier
No roses to burn, no mouths to feed
For the mourners, new beauty to revise into their story

-cj

Is it a crime
to want to
be near you

Is it a felony
to want to
hear your voice
all day

-cj

elongate the hair strands, comb it downward to enhance its lengthening,
humour it with red, autumn colour
make it beautiful

multiply the diameter of my eyes
enlarge their oval spans,
darken & thicken the lashes that adorn the pupils & irises
make them beautiful

shrink the nose, straighten out its flawed slant
carve out the dead skin cells that reside in these pores
cleanse, make whole & alive
make it beautiful

white pearls for teeth, collect the stones from the sea, the clams in the bucket, saved just for me
for I have always wanted an enticing smile
redden my lips & tell me to pout
so the kissful temptations will surely start
make that beautiful

plant my bosoms in the soil & water them so they may blossom upon my fruitless chest
or better yet
toss them & roll them in flour
sugarcoat the skin
& cover my heart again with the ****** flesh you molded
make them beautiful

take this waist & spin it like a top,
watch the extraneous float off like air
skim shave settle once the slim figurine I desire is real before you
make that beautiful

these thighs are indescribable
charlatans, at a price
not for sale, but for myself
they weigh in differently at the times & places & ways that they either belong or stand without a name
make them beautiful

don't forget to look into my window blues,
gaze at me in a trance
because I don't really mind if they're from before or after this transformation
you are what the sun is to roses & what rain is to their roots
& when I kneel down to water her petals, red white pink
you whisper to me,
"make them beautiful"

-cj

there were billions of bodies buried beneath my feet
and the sun shone
to say it was a new day would be a lie
it was a resuscitation of the one before
a chance to make amends
or so I thought

-c.j.

infrared, a shriek oddly pleasant
walls covered with candy wrappers from the parties and holidays
flares and photographs to revel in that bitterest night, so sweet
the queen forbade us from entering the kingdom
we ignored the demand
for though we are peasants we still see in colour

-cj

grind anecdotes into powder
(it's destruction time, darling)
through the pearly paper invites something divine to be written
the words we'll speak will waste away into the fading light

-cj

The sky mocked yesterday with its pastels, holding back the stories of the heavens and hells only right behind the blue and the frothy clouds

-cj

Imagine the entire universe in one book and you flip to a word on a single page and you find my name
Would you ignore me then?

-cj

february was fairly pink-shaded rows of days
felt unloved
and april was blue, and i was drowning
january was icy, and your heart towards mine changed
and the poems we write, cling to our veins
pale hands crave to seize the omens and turn them into stanzas to mutter late at night
a last hope to remember that this won't be the death of you

-cj

Everything's different and yet the air is still too quick and my head continues to spin
Becoming, freedom
My relentless ambitions
Yet becoming free was the last thing I'd ever be

-cj

While father comdemns socialism
and mother thinks I am doing fine
I lay awake like the pattern goes
Rewinding my lies
and rubbing the truth out of my memory
until all I know
is the need

-cj

for some reason
taking a book from the shelf
and opening it and reading
a sentence
feels like picking up
where we left off

-cj

It is not a shock how very
liar-liar your monologue was
Filed with copied and pasted
reassurances
Don't you think the things I do
are for a purpose other than to
No, you're right,
I am confused, ripped in the
wrong spots
But everyone has a story I
suppose

-cj

Breaking the chapters into sections
Breadcrumbs of fractions
For little peeks of a story
They speak so much truth
And they fit so nicely in my palms

-cj

why is it that when we sit down
we hate to stand up?
grab tuning forks to bang the table up with
making music, honey
a ravished sense of peculiarity
will ensue, you'll see
this is the way it's supposed to be

-c.j.

What do you study besides blank canvases and drooled-on pillows?
That is hard to define

-cj

The closeted fear is all superfluous now
Attention is not a favoured curse we ignore because we think we've seen something bright and terrible that has changed the way our hearts reply for the rest of their beating

-cj

I solitude II lovers III crowd IV everyone
standing alone, caught in bitter fever of III's halls
I me myself and I tell myself it's only some hours more until he and I become II
IV likes to stare, but I am no compass, the direction I am taking is toward Aurora Borealis and mountains
the II in the III convince I of my clear ****** method
when IV knows I do not experiment
I II III IV who can show me the exit?

-cj

Surely this is a malfunction
Since when has my mind allowed
such turbulent tranquility
It is unsettling
But I must say
how nice it is
to stare out at a sea
in which my hours
have not drowned completely

-cj

Eve confirmed that apples are sweet
The banishing sin is,
as well
Until the aftermath divides
birth from life
and all is bland and empty again

-cj

I have only an existence that stretches from once of my quaint horizons to the other
Look through to my centre
It's my core that does my bidding
Though sometimes I get chancy and let my fingers do the ***** work

There is no use denying it anymore-
I am crazy
My body whistles and sighs into the vines and lashes over my eyes-
And I hope it never stops

-cj

let's run away
in the middle of the night
what you want is what I need
seclude ourselves from every trace of the city
and we merely
inhale and exhale
breathe in and breathe out
you're a bird
so I'm one too
I will never leave your side

-cj

unravel it like always, I'm surrendering this time
the gloating conman cutting at his own mind
snatching prints we would have trusted fully
and you're filching fragments from the squandering entirety

between the mess there's paradise
between the boxes I have to check
and at the close a prologue thrives
and now the end is the beginning

the flames lick, conspirators are awake, still
we won't leave soon, not for seasons
if by hour the tower's drop down,
the ground glistens like a lake

why is the end now the beginning?
rewind the film for her
and at the close a prologue thrives
and now the end is the beginning

-c.j.

"forever," I say when you ask since when
have my eyes been so deep blue
you reveal that they have a bit of violence in them, or violets- I couldn't hear you very well
when we kissed, the flavour of your lips, I thought felt right
you jangled your keys as we walked to your car
it gets better, you say about the album we're listening to on the stereo
and it does, it does

-c.j.

this is a riot, it started years ago
and will go on tomorrow
is yesterday more innocent, because then we were on
a carousel ride, being Phoebe and not Holden, yet

-c.j.

this is my rescue song to you
amid the parachute
you float right next to me
I know I'm not the only one
to be blinded by your sun
or burned by your heat
is safety here?
this is my rescue song to you
amid the parachute
you float right next to me

-c.j.