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smallhands Aug 2014
He never said goodbye, she never said hello
They exchanged talk, soundwaves from encyclopedia pages
Wandering into each other's doors and out, unintentionally
Noticing the chipping paint and bald nails but mentioning nothing to preserve the friendship
He longed for her skin, she pined for his mind
And in every spiral they missed the count or forgot to look
And now they read they sorriness of it all in a book written by no one

-cj
506 · Jul 2014
coincidence vs miracles
smallhands Jul 2014
radio babble
an instance of purer lessenings
in probability
listening for the catch
the snag, the definition
anything
then we were home

-c.j.
505 · Mar 2017
loup
smallhands Mar 2017
no doubt I was born with wolf blood
at seven I could howl and shake the moon above
and more truth shows and home calls

I step alone but wild winds blow while
I decide now if colliding heads and
seething teeth match and align with
my true story

are homes composed of icy spears
and brutality's wounds?
which body was I meant to occupy?

no doubt I was born with wolf blood
yet I am strikingly human as well
split genes in this animal
two worlds where I belong

-c.j.
505 · Aug 2014
eve of birthd8
smallhands Aug 2014
Mustn't meddle in the business of fate
and frayed ideals
Otherwise mine may get tainted
Investigate what evidence lays on the bed:
A tearstained journal, a key, a pearl necklace with a broken clasp
It's quite the scene, vast and antiquated,
but very real
Rationalise the lies, verify the vendetta
against all great art and lovers' palms

-cj
505 · Sep 2014
almost, nearly, sometimes
smallhands Sep 2014
It's liberating, really
That subject suffocates me
You understand with tainted certainty
Enlightening hunger for what, we don't know

-cj
smallhands Mar 2016
the bells rang to alert the heavens
of earth's whereabouts
watery evening oratory has tinged
allegiances to rightness blue with tears
recent tales amplify the heaviness
of every word
will echoes offer heat, take away the
ruthless blizzards, will they?

-c.j.
497 · Aug 2014
delirious pigeon dance
smallhands Aug 2014
how about tomorrow?
(ha, ha, ha)
is that later? is that enough?
or will another season, semester, suffice?
(I wanna be with you)

-cj
497 · Feb 2015
frames
smallhands Feb 2015
Do you confide in your window glare
or is it your enemy?
You're breathing in numbers
and little decimals ***** the lungs

I want to say, as we drip we blossom
That the smoke will lift, and when it does, the sky will pale and remember all the terrible apparitions it enveloped

Do you believe in a beginning or is the middle enough for you?
I am clutching the thought of you
in a dozen mirrors at once

-c.j.
496 · Sep 2014
volatile
smallhands Sep 2014
About certain metaphors my senses become leaky
Can you hear me trickle
With these phrases my limbs tremble like awkward syllable dances
Night is especially prone to this phenomenon, morning is clueless
Friends don't know so empathy is dry
Care to listen to ramblings of the dead come alive, print on a page
Even if I'm denied of that, they never could make me feel less than every feeling compounded

-cj
496 · Nov 2014
profusely
smallhands Nov 2014
I fell for the boy with a thorn in his side
And for once I had full faith that I could
pluck it out
Our implicit parts catch in the fingers
Dare we let them seep through?
Let sharpness cut

-c.j.
494 · Aug 2014
royalty's pledge
smallhands Aug 2014
Oaths in the palm's memory
Grasping the tendrils
Circumstance swallows exceptions whole
Hand trembles, eye conveys
A simple beacon, resting in your womb
Speak, the law and rule must be defied
Let the promise fade as you breathe

-cj
492 · Dec 2014
19 December
smallhands Dec 2014
A question mark is our eternal punctuation
Under our initials added up to an undeterminable sum
Green lights were once desirable
But that red was much too fast
Fiction, we're surrounded by fiction
And books are so loud
But we are quiet
And we are real

-c.j.
491 · Mar 2016
aeris parva navis
smallhands Mar 2016
wrap yourself closely to me
pull your past identity
reminiscence we're anxious to quit
we'll coast effortlessly
I swear I'll keep my eyes on what's ahead
it's an hourglass spent
both terminals are beginning to lapse
we've exchanged so much
it's resistance that's supplied us courage
we're not figurative
we're not carbon copies
no coin to mesmerise or evoke memory
sweating, acting
it seems peculiar
wrap ourselves closely again

-c.j.
491 · May 2015
engin miskunn
smallhands May 2015
The arrow pointed west,
the heart aimed east
The body went up, down, north, south,
pacing in the corridors

Adolescent wolves chase the myth,
it is this they run endlessly for
Blocked in prisms of light,
pounding on walls for heartless dark

Under the moon they cry, and she shows
no mercy
She refuses to acknowledge her dimness
compared to her competitor

With little gleamings she tells them,
This entanglement takes place after dark-
when the sun cannot feed you

-c.j.
487 · Aug 2014
st. valentine
smallhands Aug 2014
Valentine's Day giddiness
catalysed by the semi hand-holding
and the nervous kisses that
hallow the romantic amateurity
of junior high

Then high school,
the brick-walled hell of september's
The pressure
The hormones
The naked need
for warmth and
an unkillable desire
to lose the one thing
to gain another

But in the end
It's all the same
We want love
(need it)
to survive

Those who live without it
are the poor skeletons
without the fellow heart
to bleed with, side by side

And for those of us who find it,
find that wondrous facet of existence,
the indescribable absolute, love

Our pulses race and minds helplessly
spiral into oblivion to the others
when the one is there

-cj
484 · Aug 2014
thursday
smallhands Aug 2014
Did you need them as much as they seemed to need you?
A dire necessity that wrung me out and then bottled me up
Must you go?
Can't you linger?
Let me wrap you around my finger until it's too much
But it won't be
The friends, your fans,
they're calling, and
lone and terrible I remain

-cj
476 · Nov 2014
DC
smallhands Nov 2014
DC
I'm in the nation's capital
And it feels like the centre of the universe
Everyone drinks their coffee and ingores
each other, the cold nipping at the
skin exposed slightly beneath their sweaters
Is that where it all happens?
Do the things they decide there affect me?
The buildings' windows are transparent
WANTED signs, and I look up at them
somewhat admirably
I don't know whether I love or hate
this country
It is either great or evil, and the extremes
polarise further with my continuing to see
people people people people
They crowd the centre of the universe

-c.j.
475 · Aug 2014
irregular heartbeat
smallhands Aug 2014
It was an emerging phase that I couldn't avoid
Being a teenager was purely torturous, and I look forward to the end, but something vivid and cheaply plagiarised had showed up
It was the desire to stir jealousy within others, a cruel beauty and idyllic body as a symbol of what deserves bliss
It was fake love, mere attraction and the disaster it brings, it was being with the people who tell the best rumours, the most electric fragments of truth
It wasn't mean-spirited, just viciously fast in its attempts to infatuate the crowd, the individual, the tiny wishful inklings in someone else's heart
It was wanting to be superior, a want unlike the innocent ones from my earlier youth
Wanting everything to fill that space in my mind between the ideal and real
It was fatal, and I knew it; I knew it

-cj
472 · Mar 2016
receveur dans le seigle
smallhands Mar 2016
the teacher gave each of us a copy
of Catcher in the Rye and told us
to read it, we all remember that day
it wasn't an especially memorable
day but we still recall it, the
introduction revealed a voice we
sort of already knew
Holden kept us awake when Heathcliff couldn't
the story vented of real injustices that, in reality,
struck bold dignitaries murmurless
events we all imagined dangerous took root
and we imagined reckless things since then
under that angry rebel's troubled
idiosyncrasies cowered a cheating angel unrecognised
on everyone's glowing text, typed to treat guilt
even on untitled avenues:
catch a body, a fragment of Phoebe's recollection
could it take revolt, after all, to undo the standard;
topple respected idols with a riot?
(telephone service turns, relentless influences)
does it withstand an ego made depressed by
school rules impelling teenage irrationalities?
ridden violently so to crash head-on where
antagonist utopia kills humanity, kills all
on to scripted war, valiant army requiring
an individual to ignite rapidly all weapons
in reach
to us, this advancement ran timid idiots over
cars and ultimatums, over ending, going tales, too
the teacher gave us a bomb and sat at her desk,
expecting an explosion any minute

-c.j.
471 · May 2015
kyrrðin
smallhands May 2015
Pacified, left on a street corner,
with December stillness in her eyes
Her mouth could not begin to contain
a mere cliché, its distaste for foolish
reminders of current surrounding speech
was strong as infrared,
though she'd say, "the other will speak in statistics
while all that spills from my mouth
are fallacious metaphors"

But he'd reply, "you intrigue me so,
with your blotted out sentences for scars,
and pretty oceans for eyes"
Looking for fragile lips to hold,
midnight and midday

-c.j.
470 · Apr 2017
eden
smallhands Apr 2017
you'll always venture near dark gardens,
through mazes going along eastern hills
over fences you'll explore vast spaces
made of imaginary kingdoms

until the sun quits raying and shining down,
scamper into joyous field of flowering sepals just heavenly
see the valley's dandelions sway and drift side to side
under olive trees, from vine to vine

out even further lies some open-faced southern edens,
for visiting despite malevolent heathens not going their
expected ways

-c.j.
468 · Aug 2014
endearingly
smallhands Aug 2014
Call me a morning ******
I can refract the light and mess
up your bedhead further
Concentrate on my better
mistakes
I can do my best, maybe just for you

-cj
468 · Aug 2014
luna
smallhands Aug 2014
she glances in mirrors
a geometric façade hems her shoulders to her ribs
the moon bleeds white in phases
crescent makes for the chesire cat smile, she sleeps to the silent sounds of it
gibbous, waning, waxing
all hallowed to the eclipsing snowy veil of it
she passes the reflection of her own skin
the light in the night shows it for her

-cj
466 · Oct 2014
smallhands Oct 2014
Mum likes to shove concepts
down my throat and Dad lets her
They tell me to smile about it
And make everyone else want it
It can take a while to see through cobwebs

-cj
465 · Aug 2014
a shitty love poem
smallhands Aug 2014
The weird part was being reminded of him constantly
In the movies she watched, in the songs she sang, in the temperature
It would be a shame to say that he didn't equivocate her affection, but it was true
He superceded it
He didn't just see her in every film, hear her voice in the music, or sense her in the weather
He kept her name under his breath everywhere he went, infatuated with the very thought of her

-cj
462 · Jul 2014
our darling leviathan
smallhands Jul 2014
I am insane
I am psychotik
It is a numb sensation
that sharpens my sense of
dual reality
I'd much rather
lock eyes with you
                                             (and never
                                              find the key)
than stare at this
blank pool for the
umpteenth time,
defeat sitting in my gut

-cj
461 · Jul 2014
artless rival
smallhands Jul 2014
I am not up against an artless rival,
it seems
the revenge is crafty and the underhand
is lethal
but I cannot be stunned
please forgive me when I do this
what you never thought would occur
is now a harsh reality in your teeth

-c.j.
461 · Aug 2014
july
smallhands Aug 2014
Original plans decay
sweat replaces the goosebumps
go, stay, with whom do I travel?
obstruction and the scare
a loss of innocence and oil
but watching him stand over
the hood, in the heatwaves
swindled by my hopes
cold water plastic
cards envy
lovely pretension
tears on the velvet bed

-cj
smallhands Aug 2014
You are a beautiful pianist,
she touches my hand and says
Seventeen and horrified, maybe
Terribly sympathetic,
playing blue arabesques and
yearning for summer

-cj
459 · Feb 2015
óhjákvæmilegt
smallhands Feb 2015
She wanted to feel her heart cut out,
and raw, again
Verse after verse, drug after drug
He is subtle about the terrible
aftermath he inevitably brings
And her eyes spoke tales of nothing
chivalrous, only lust and the smell of skin
Only, "protect me from inevitable division"

-c.j.
454 · Jul 2014
subjective tempos
smallhands Jul 2014
How are you?
Pre-happiness or something
Explain a bit?
I'm disordered
I have a song that might make
you feel better
It's absolutely beautiful
Divulge
(I will unearth this)

-cj
453 · Sep 2016
þyngdarafl aflétt
smallhands Sep 2016
we are in nobody's empire, watching
the dimming light
in the sky we hear the thunder clatter,
and ask the palm reader what the
lightning bolts mean on our hands
the laws of the universe are unbound,
she says
science, merely an old friend
gravity's been lifted, now, so
float and see reason blend

-c.j.
453 · Jul 2014
shaken finesse
smallhands Jul 2014
What's unsettling about its premises
Learned how to make it fast and easy
Is this a good thing
No, it isn't, sweetheart
Just a shortcut to death
Or slow comatose wishing

-cj
451 · May 2015
nafn þitt
smallhands May 2015
I fell asleep whispering your name
and woke doing the same
Have you choked on the sun?
I am sketching needy hearts into my hands
and rescuing dreams with tea leaves
Hopeful, wanting, hoping, wantful
Mountains converge
and our lips are
so far apart
Perhaps, this time, they are real wounds
disguised as fleshy hyperboles
Written about restlessly, melted candles
with congealed memory resting on the desk
The spinning cups on the table;
that is us, dear, that is us

-c.j.
451 · Aug 2014
vivid hotel sheets
smallhands Aug 2014
when you feel insane
and chilled to the bone
in a bed only becoming familiar
the windows glare and your eyes stare
into mirrors made for someone else's gaze
ghosts, hearts, little numbers
and vivid hotel sheets
they were the beginning of the end
and i loved it

-cj
450 · May 2014
killjoy
smallhands May 2014
suburban utopian nightmare
clutch to the strangest desires
if we give up right now
we know we're all *******
let's get out, go out
drive and not come home
no more killjoy, only the blaze
and chasing dreams
sour and put in the corner
don't be a killjoy, my sweet
the night's just begun

-c.j.
450 · Aug 2014
dirty blonde animal thing
smallhands Aug 2014
she's scratching to see blood
an inevitable happenstance
it's framed and hung over her head, over her bed
as she lays in it throbbing and howling

-cj
449 · Aug 2014
willowing sequester
smallhands Aug 2014
absence of fear and hunger,
replaced by the need for time and blundered veins
create this enigma, destroyed by thinking it over
it's a bomb, vulnerable to detailed thought
how to escape
is simple-
love the pieces it has
and forget the ones it lacks

-cj
449 · Jul 2014
pulchritude
smallhands Jul 2014
If only one day would wane like
our favourite side of the moon
Then we would look up and watch
it wax into something only slightly
less eternal than us

-cj
448 · Mar 2016
ego esse volo
smallhands Mar 2016
the concept is the energy
for a wild heart's beating
a concept, only an image,
whether it's good or not

lure us in, lure us close,
and then lure on
don't be convinced,
don't release it,
don't pretend it's his words

we'll cool off like red flames
in a flattened fire
I'll gaze at you and we'll laugh
in secret, just as we thought

stormy seas leading ambivalents
in their ships
now they approach,
you invite them in,
love the rush

the starving streaks have angled
to another scar
the demons run, cause me to swell
with a lovely dear

I wish to be her identical when I leave
I wish to be, but I don't wish to try

we keep our ties

I've got a song but the uncertainty restrains me
I've got a song but the chaos is muffling our sound

I've got a decision but the decisions are diminishing
I had a cause but the cause ran away

-c.j.
smallhands Mar 2016
late running in on your silver steed
ride with grace, no desire to race
harsh fences to admire with dull eyes
entry devils whisk away troublesome friends
hanging red tulips, divine nuisances
growing weary reading subliminal stanzas
yielding, or instead, risking loss,
to appear perfect

-c.j.
445 · Aug 2014
sable lace, black and sweet
smallhands Aug 2014
Shadow bends, bury it before its life smothers ours
Blackening out the sun, carressing the pure snow, it's in between our fingers
(Somewhere lodged is a song title)
Sweet tastes and a naiive fever
Sleep, the silhouette will stay still because you're so young, lovely, innocent
(The bedposts will sway and rock you, sway and rock you out of, out of here)

-cj
442 · Jul 2014
VII
smallhands Jul 2014
VII
I am alone
You are in between your comrades
We are something
I am sad
You are laughing at a dry joke
We are something
I am dying
You are jumping
We are something
I am something dead, babe
You are just beginning to live
We are estranged but
We are something

-cj
442 · Dec 2014
sofa writings
smallhands Dec 2014
Maybe I fell for the man in your letters
The artist in denial
Perhaps the east mesmerised me further
and the greyer things snapped me back
Deceit is an art, too, you know
and you cannot practise it on me
Let the liquor lay in past places, so you
can become the man, not just his traces

-c.j.
439 · Feb 2017
kjærlighet
smallhands Feb 2017
anthems for a seventeen-year-old girl include:
a bizarre love triangle, delicate hands, and home

bizarre love triangle is something
not taught in geometry
it is scalene, and it is uneven
for the shorter leg is the devil's arithmetic
and the longer, the perfect equation
the common side touches both in
different ways, for different reasons
shorter swells with jealousy as
longer and longer yet meet at their divine point
practicality destroys the art made, year last
a loss, a jilt, weathering sides so relentlessly
distanced from what devours ideals,
both isolated lines in cosmic space
each prayer inches them closer together
though it is bizarre, it is also beautiful

-c.j.
438 · Aug 2014
26
smallhands Aug 2014
26
Twenty-six is unlucky
A number not to **** with
Gargantuan disfortune lurks
around every corner
Thanks for the consideration,
for the crystal ball theories and
lists of omens
I learn all this by doing, you
thoughtless con

-cj
438 · Mar 2016
caput secundum
smallhands Mar 2016
unravel it like always, I'm surrendering this time
the gloating conman cutting at his own mind
snatching prints we would have trusted fully
and you're filching fragments from the squandering entirety

between the mess there's paradise
between the boxes I have to check
and at the close a prologue thrives
and now the end is the beginning

the flames lick, conspirators are awake, still
we won't leave soon, not for seasons
if by hour the tower's drop down,
the ground glistens like a lake

why is the end now the beginning?
rewind the film for her
and at the close a prologue thrives
and now the end is the beginning

-c.j.
435 · Dec 2014
sannleikur
smallhands Dec 2014
My chest feels hollow a lot, so I wonder
what truths would come out of it,
they said
They had asked, what is reliable to you?
And I said, innate truths that bleed
in your chest
What makes something real, they ask
That's something I've been trying to figure out for a while, I say
So you've been in love, they inquire
So my heart tells me, I reply
I yearn for asteroid belts and pluto,
alas dreams I have surrendered,
they mention after a pause
Oh, dear rune, don't think yourself
so ancient

-c.j.
433 · May 2015
uppgjöf
smallhands May 2015
Tightest knots swallow the air,
winter begging for recompense
Surrender the envelopes addressed
to you, give them up to the fire
Begin again

-c.j.
431 · Aug 2014
terror (reign of)
smallhands Aug 2014
Terror shreds through several of my skins
and I let it
No use for combat
Killing oneself takes more than one killer other than oneself
Punching holes into the artery
Somehow speeding up the process
Slow the life, quicken the death, upset the cycle, complete the task

-cj
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