so you wanna play good cop, bad cop
I've got all you wanna know
thanks for the time out of your day spent on me
it means alot
retrace my steps just to satisfy you
claiming my innocence
but whatever I do
I end up being accused

-c.j.

Contents of the lockers lay in a pile
A flask, a Marlboro box, a thousand
textbooks, pills in an orange see-through bottle
One item, unique to the others,
is a notebook
Full of confessions and Sexton and Plath
Sad yearnings and accounts of complete moments
This notebook
Surrounded by the cigarettes and concealed ***** and mathematical equations
Shows the other world
within this world
That spins in time with this world
But gives and takes
for lovelier sakes

-cj

let's run away
in the middle of the night
what you want is what I need
seclude ourselves from every trace of the city
and we merely
inhale and exhale
breathe in and breathe out
you're a bird
so I'm one too
I will never leave your side

-cj

while you are dancing
her hand in yours
and the black night spirals around
I will be in the dark
with your name over my heart
and an oversung song on repeat

-cj

As I pass by the little houses of envelopes and packages
Whose doors are letting in the ugly neighbourhood air
I cannot refrain my hands from closing it shut
There's a common distraction and a sweet bruise to ponder
And look, another unsafe mailbox over yonder

-cj

There is no use denying it anymore-
I am crazy
My body whistles and sighs into the vines and lashes over my eyes-
And I hope it never stops

-cj

Our angles do not meet
crossing outward, fiercely jutting lines
everyday everysingleday
my madness grows with every breath
Each tear, a cell out of place
The blankness of this space
it's bright and its a creep
It's only loving me to a slight degree
that I need
I don't want to forget the original heart that beat
As we lose youth we gain something else
an ache for the nights we spent in ****** restlessness
The blankness of this space
it's bright and it's a creep
It's only loving me to a slight degree
that I need

-cj

They'd get anything they wanted because they were beautiful
Their eyes didn't play ***** tricks, nor
did their soft hands cast spells
The imperfect symmetry and colours of their shades and suns somehow became their advocates, and hurried the process

-cj

Good morning, young one
Take a look in the mirror
to see if you're the same
as yesterday
Unsure, unkempt, unwilling
With blanks in your eyes
Except when you gaze up
toward the skies

-cj

Become queen? How absurd
A hundred years could pass in a wind's blowing and I still would not be ready
Marie with her cake and Mary with her blood;
I think I'll stay in the garden and paint the roses red and read nonsense and speak what no one else dares

-cj

Those whose colour is fierce & ripe, with life life alive & loud its petals boast while the subtle dark blooms of the midnight garden speak of the slutty shades of its beholder's eyes

-cj

They had a free spirit that
windchimed between them
One I hadn't seen before now
A crowd cannot befuddle them
A chaotic floor cannot fool them
into thinking all is lost
It is all here

-cj

desperate wings flutter and dance
hide in an oak till winter blows into spring
when we will hear all the hummingbirds sing

-cj

The first one, all night-black and chalky, tumbles down the road as I have fretfully done since August and January and all the months in between
I travel alone

Wander, ebb and flow,
Discern where in this desert the wind should blow
There's a battlecry for convention
An even fiercer for freedom
It is the slight rustle when a tumbleweed passes

-cj

Completely awake, without qualms
Yet halfway to lovelessness
Pure unlike the trying music
And clear as an inkless bell
While they are striped with accidental brambles, thickets, and other cruel beauties
As I once was

Then, petrified by black and white film,
Tasting not salt nor sugar but ambivalence
Now, I remember how the foreign world rippled
The mountains shifted- they stood still
There were questions in the seafoam until
Thunder shook its pattern

However much I long to say,
Embrace me; forget the day
My mother reminds me that I am
Blossoming, young, omnipresent
With shields of sun and pieces of moon
Visible in my eyes
Which tell the mirror,
She is of age, but she is not of age

-c.j.

yes, it was a mistake, not that
I'd admit that to you
but if it comes down to it
I'll sit in the chair
and I'll answer the questions
on Friday at five o'clock I was at Jenny's house
what time I left doesn't matter
I'm innocent, I swear
I ******* up before but the past
is in the past
can't someone see me?

-c.j.

Weird part is I don't feel any guilt
Most just copy and paste, it becomes boring
Why why why among a trillion bits, currents
Needing help or a peace or a soft drink
Fizzy bubbles inside to catch tenderly
I like weird parts, I think

Happier songs
make my arms move
to melodies like
shut up, i'm pretty
and like a balloon
i will let you go

-cj

splattered in the kitchen
early morning chaos
red purple mauve silk
to settle the tummy
plastic wrench-aways
and a pressing watching oven clock

-c.j.

the air is so cold i could bite into it
teeth chatter, a teenage nervousness bestowed itself
we were so safe there, together, alone
nothing to be afraid of, really
so why is the fear attracting so many?
isn't it better to sit there, let him
unbuckle your seatbelt for you,
and divulge secrets of hidden away distortions?

-cj

burned into the paths we tread
are these dots, big and black
drag your feet, and they are
connected but your continuous tracks
you never really cared for change
unless you made it happen
the zig zags, the diagonals, the dips and plunges
the robotic transformations
it's all lines and points
a graphic view of these phases
take it back to the origin, trace the way to the present
and pray you don't get lost in the nostalgic vines that encumber you on the way

-cj

when you stare at me with those gem eyes
I get all laced inside,
hypnotized
moments that should last forever
gone before they see the sun
keep looking at me
your eyes are gems
with you I am complete

-c.j.

Miserable, reading a newspaper, sipping coffee on the villa
Cold front omens, bluejay noise
A bank robbery, an ocean tide, the smell of gingerbread
None could make him shift or smirk
Self-importance breeded in this host, with minnow letters swimming on the paper

-cj

Freezing cells into place
Carved-out space
Most of the possessors are
****** queens
with unseeable crowns
and tethered gowns
The particles assemble, dissemble
And in their midst
Oh, how I tremble

-cj

Chamomile heartbeats, wash ashore the memory,
It's bound to my brain
(He's cryptic)
Dreamcatcher captures, feathers speak of summer nights
and still I implore the definition of what our blood means to one another, on the eve of your cornered youth
It's ending, but halting in me, it's a screeching tire sensation, while I am myself there are dozens of others charading within
Cryptic love,
forsake me

-cj

what a pretty face
no real structure
but some kind of melody
plays in her eyes
the undeniable kind
that continues even when
you look away

-c.j.

It takes time to realise the danger of one mistake that fornicates
And becomes thousands of sins piled in your eye sockets
It takes time to see them spiraling out of your vision

-cj

Streets have even learned my mantra-
"My heart is heavy, but my will is strong"
I recall the way your eyes made everything
go still
Like wires we climb with autumn,
putting our fingers up to the windowsill
We are scared of love, yes
But love should be scared of us

-c.j.

Bravery was the theme of the night
And we drove the streets like we owned the very air
We divided as we went too fast, much too fast
Go in for the ****, don't shy away, and other mantras
Repeatedly featured in lights in my head
Reveling in the dregs of the days after
It was time to prove something to myself,
To you, and to them
No costume nor mask accompanied my disguise
Only a door and some seventeen-year-old fear
Prevented any wild occurrences
It's the thirty-first, devil's luscious holiday
But for me, it's the rehearsal for kinesthetic romance
(Humour me on this all hallow's eve)

-cj

perhaps I'm just alice walking sideways & upsides downsides through this rabbit hole
not a downfall, a ****** to the core of the earth
but an upfall (make me bright, I can see colour & roses) to the dimension
where the creatures have
stainless steel hearts
nobody ever hurts
unless the queen begs to differ
when her corset is revealed to be
suffocating her wicked waist
the jabberwocky seeks vengeance & a chance to breathe fire
"off with her head," is the threat from the enemy
but an escape is in sight
a little locked door
chesire smiles' a menacing grin
a crescent moon in the black night
it doesn't matter where you go if you don't know where you're going
a cake platter with "eat me" on a card in front
home? what is that?
tweedledee & tweedledum
mad hattee, tea, dormouse
and an unbirthday anthem sung
lacking gravity or worldly law
along the dining table for the quirks
and fablesome creatures of wonderland

-cj

breathing hasn't been this hard before
there are wild bells ringing within me
still my shy lungs
are quiet, then taunted with
smoke and yesterday's warmth

-c.j.

futile vanities to play with your senses
(shame it only lasts so long)
crackling breaking snowy shards
creamy pottery remnants
once a work of art that bred much pleasure after a life spent in hibernation, naiive solitude
(shame it only lasts so long)
the calendar may remind
the streets at night may taunt and haunt and leave you breathless
but the eggshell remains are under your feet
solely for you to crush

-cj

jaw locked and you're running down the stairs
got alot on your mind but
you'll be alright, it's only life
feeling like a bullet's struck and
the heart's been hit real hard
******* it up, spitting it out,
relying on human nature
continue, grit and grittier you,
on the money and in control

-c.j.

I changed my name to smallhands
when you commented on their smallness
delicate hands sculpt our world,
the rougher hold it up
I wanted to be an artist blamed for the
earth's utopian aesthetic
so along a swift edge I signed my name,
my new persona, and said,
"my hands are small but my ideas can
swallow nations"

-c.j.

what a surprise, being alone
never thought I was capable of it
I'm a cynic with a bitter tongue
I can give you something to run from
psychedlic caresses, navy sky
surrounds my vision
is it really just another night?

-c.j.

how the writing thins because another day heaps promptings onto her overthinking head, harrowing laments and fantastic stories
she gets some time alone, quiet, where ideas amplify or where dreams turn boundless

-c.j.

It began with casual interruptions
An innocent crush
Then the times added up
and the passions became too much to suppress
He stole her
and she let him
Dark cinema love
Illegal desperate love
Few knew the secret
Until it diffused like her perfume into all the classrooms
He was grown, she was young
That didn't stop them
And now he's gone, she's gone
But only in the flesh

-cj

Alone I walk in violet halls today
Without a breath the air condemns my mouth
How lungs collect the myths of everyone
No matter season, colour, or cause
What if the sky could see us now, I said
Our lies entangled in its gasping blue
The mistaken hue to jangle, restless

-cj

The clock's got that wicked angle about it,
and I guessed it-nearing the point of no return
The kind we seek in labyrinthic nights
The numbers and hands dictate, and
I follow without a fight

-cj

Just wandering in emotional wonderland
How is the weather, you asked
Mad, with torrential rains every few yards
Sounds a bit frightening, you said
Oh, it is-but also devastatingly beautiful

-c.j.

I solitude II lovers III crowd IV everyone
standing alone, caught in bitter fever of III's halls
I me myself and I tell myself it's only some hours more until he and I become II
IV likes to stare, but I am no compass, the direction I am taking is toward Aurora Borealis and mountains
the II in the III convince I of my clear ****** method
when IV knows I do not experiment
I II III IV who can show me the exit?

-cj

I don't know what it is but I don't remember the
last time I just sat in silence
I don't know why I'm scared by the inside of
my mind
But for some reason I'm terrified of what could be hiding in my head
I honestly don't know
I just took out my headphones one day
and realised that I really didn't want to

Want to what, she asks

Stop listening to the outside and start listening to the inside
Maybe I'm scared I won't like myself or something

If you changed, or had new thoughts, she inquires

If I figured out who I really was right now

To which she replies,

That sounds kind of like a beautiful thing-
Everything is a metaphor,
Every song creates a kingdom inside of me
How will I make it through this life
Let alone tomorrow or this week
At this rate, I'll burst before I graduate

'Tis a burden and a blessing

And everything echoes with hope

-c.j.

to paint violent torches, eat quivering berries bent on thorns
every quaint brittle poet is mighty, strong, zealous
at each full yoke aches pure whole angst
mussed tousled everythings, draped silently on green tables with merciless baby finches eating delicacies
sipping gin and whistling - the year that beauty blasted through our roof and crumbled down onto our floors
the last part is the poison - chase it 'til it's siphoned;
may it be swallowed by a foe

-c.j.

It finally makes sense, seizing my freedom, forgetting my sensitivity
I smile
Rage against authority to know the taste of revolution, or tell the kids too announce absolute revenge
Much has been said, not enough has been done
Spell out some affection, drive blindly, how each night seals the oracle
(Justify questions, zeal in the eyes and voice)

-cj

As a child I always had these pretty images spinning around in my head
Ballet scenes and ribbons and music swirling so perfectly in time with my little heartbeats threading in and out with each other like they were meant to be an immeasurable part of me

-cj

whether or not we fall asleep in your bed
won't cure nor break this
but how sweet it would be
to share the sheets, rest our minds, quicken our hearts
because it's safer to be tucked away
unscrutinised
the ceiling sees us, we see each other
it all feels right
as we sleep questionless and answerless

-cj

Searching for the forty-ninth state
Seven times seven, known for its parallel
Except she couldn't be more crooked
At first, prejudices tainted most thoughts
But then those white tulips in the backseat
are more than evidence, they are answers
Escape the labyrinth? but how?
Straight and fast-the notes in the margin
They still search, but their consciences have quieted
Escape the labyrinth? here is how:
Through and through

-c.j.

tell me the stories past, dear one
I want to cover lies and redraw the sun,
the swelling globe of our love
I'm your neighbour, not your pillar
we're dependent on the paradigm

different emerging locus,
different bare portrait for this montage of mine
I want to retreat into the heart of your house,
into the middle, just us two
I'm your neighbour, not your shield, and
we're dependent on the paradigm
I'll go the risky route
we'll make it beautifully chaotic, to return to square one
don't hesitate, let's make this now

-c.j.

officialism
and
verisimilitude,
lovelies,
the melody of summer
the hauntings of past halves and ghosts
anticipation for newness, phases
of seventeen numerals and choral capacity,  sweaters to survive cold classrooms
but the people never heal you
the scar stays the same

-cj