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smallhands Aug 2014
You've got this rock in your heart
Thrashing the tissue
Less than a bullet and less than a clogged artery
But there's nothing to save you
Put up this façade-you're beautiful happy and fine
Despite how you're wrecked and helpless and dying inside

-cj
Aug 2014 · 313
maraschino city
smallhands Aug 2014
Drive all night, only pause when there's a light
Look to your right and the blaze from their being is gorgeous and blinding
It's fun and it's games, except in here where the magnet force pushes our bodies apart
Lick the skin and tear into crimson fruit
Until eventually,  there's nothing to dispute

-cj
Aug 2014 · 283
lone fever
smallhands Aug 2014
You can't scare me away with your paradox talk against wolf's law or the dogma
I've been through worse (it's a chain, it's a curse)
Regardless of number or name or position
Here I am again alone with him in my mind and periphery
Burning up with that fever but I'll escape it somehow
After all his face his arms his voice is the only memory I'll allow

-cj
Aug 2014 · 448
sable lace, black and sweet
smallhands Aug 2014
Shadow bends, bury it before its life smothers ours
Blackening out the sun, carressing the pure snow, it's in between our fingers
(Somewhere lodged is a song title)
Sweet tastes and a naiive fever
Sleep, the silhouette will stay still because you're so young, lovely, innocent
(The bedposts will sway and rock you, sway and rock you out of, out of here)

-cj
Aug 2014 · 234
anonymous kisses
smallhands Aug 2014
I think I've got you in the palm of my hand
(Lost in bleak visions)
You care I care
**** it, everyone does
Grab me and pull me under
I'll gladly surrender
I will be in the palm of your hand

-cj
Aug 2014 · 498
delirious pigeon dance
smallhands Aug 2014
how about tomorrow?
(ha, ha, ha)
is that later? is that enough?
or will another season, semester, suffice?
(I wanna be with you)

-cj
Aug 2014 · 431
11:11
smallhands Aug 2014
Who would have known
A simple staircase climb, requesting you, shivering in wait
Then the rehearsed truth wills itself out
Now we are here, in the other's presence, a different kind of music
A wish, perhaps, or a hunch
From one minute, all gutsy and free, to the next
When we see the clock and mutter some hopeful somethings
It was October eighteenth, I remember; eleven days later I turned seventeen
And then a bit after I glimpsed an 11:11 (and smiled)
(We speak and we smiled)

-cj
Aug 2014 · 372
fomenting war as we know it
smallhands Aug 2014
Enter, seize the catalyst
It's a battle and a friendly conversation
Smile and you die, sword and you die
All because of the footprints she left and the echos of platonic laughter still here

-cj
Aug 2014 · 304
quiet near the peaks
smallhands Aug 2014
A message in a bottle
Tossed amongst the sea
Mystery, raw intrigue, and romantic script blare
But it is always quiet near the peaks
The ocean's mountains, mermaid coves
A nestling home for the glass and parchment and cork of wood
The words are sealed within to pretend to drown in the flask's dwindling air, saying
Of the meaning of me does not one being care?

-cj
Aug 2014 · 864
sipping on the villa
smallhands Aug 2014
Miserable, reading a newspaper, sipping coffee on the villa
Cold front omens, bluejay noise
A bank robbery, an ocean tide, the smell of gingerbread
None could make him shift or smirk
Self-importance breeded in this host, with minnow letters swimming on the paper

-cj
Aug 2014 · 388
forgive the rain
smallhands Aug 2014
It rains alot this time of year
Paranoia soaked
Was it a mistake?
Despite an interlude of an overbearing cloud mass, gallons from the atmosphere,
Accompanied by harrowing hallway whispers of wilting hopes
It's all forgiven now, justified and crossed out
Now the winter sun can penetrate us further into bliss

-cj
Aug 2014 · 495
royalty's pledge
smallhands Aug 2014
Oaths in the palm's memory
Grasping the tendrils
Circumstance swallows exceptions whole
Hand trembles, eye conveys
A simple beacon, resting in your womb
Speak, the law and rule must be defied
Let the promise fade as you breathe

-cj
Aug 2014 · 334
november sorrow
smallhands Aug 2014
"Love is the everchanging spectrum of a lie"
It's a house, it's a façade
Turn up the volume to its maximum
Trees whisper clichés to me
It's a November sort of sorrow
Between a birthday and an anniversary of falling
(Temperature plummets as wishes suffocate)

-cj
Aug 2014 · 390
swallow pride, taste acid
smallhands Aug 2014
Why is she in the picture?
Futile reassurances, as my mind still aches
Throat theatrics, doors open the cage when bells dingdingding
Bitter halves spill down my core
Swallowing pride tastes like acid
It's all I had to defend myself, a weapon to put in front of my heart
(Fear unadorned with sweetness, just sharp stiffness)

-cj
Aug 2014 · 368
wild bare necessity
smallhands Aug 2014
thirst hunger sleep wake breath
lips hands legs an entire stadium of masters
drink eat lay open inhale
kiss hold walk and never stop

-cj
Aug 2014 · 329
winter facsimile
smallhands Aug 2014
if white truths and lies
were to cover our tracks
perhaps i would not care
to look back
the snow melted as the sun shone
for some reason
it reminded me of home
in that disastrous,
orange peeling way

-cj
Aug 2014 · 349
bitter queen of night
smallhands Aug 2014
infrared, a shriek oddly pleasant
walls covered with candy wrappers from the parties and holidays
flares and photographs to revel in that bitterest night, so sweet
the queen forbade us from entering the kingdom
we ignored the demand
for though we are peasants we still see in colour

-cj
smallhands Aug 2014
typewriter junk
influx of phrases and phases to spell out
my fingers press the circle buttons carefully
but the mind behind it is a cluttered wicked studio
backspace those duplicate letters,
and that character-is it an ampersand or a three?
censor the rambles through the english brambles,
they seek to go home
within my nooks and books and pages
strewn all over inside

-cj
Aug 2014 · 265
milky way love theme
smallhands Aug 2014
For we can spin, in rest, over this galaxy
No oxygen or law to sigh from
Black holes in a taunting peripheral vision
The moon is our home, welcoming and lonely
We can let the radiating lights between pretty stars
Take us there, we cannot tell whether it is night or day
(The sun never seems to tilt this way)

-cj
smallhands Aug 2014
wander to the bench where i carved my sentiment
my knuckles write as i held that grudge and pen
to abandon would be too simple, it would not be right
the only logical way was to endure and suffer and cry and yearn
until the sobs subsided and a poetry book chided
my sullen face and posture
forgiveness was a target and the arrow kept slipping out of my hands
and it is still not on the mark
it is on the outskirts of "time heals all wounds"
and further, much further, from the petrified sadness of it
the words i engraved and dug into the wood
are ones i said i always would,
"he lives, he loves"
and he always has

-cj
Aug 2014 · 453
vivid hotel sheets
smallhands Aug 2014
when you feel insane
and chilled to the bone
in a bed only becoming familiar
the windows glare and your eyes stare
into mirrors made for someone else's gaze
ghosts, hearts, little numbers
and vivid hotel sheets
they were the beginning of the end
and i loved it

-cj
Aug 2014 · 795
pearly eggshell remains
smallhands Aug 2014
futile vanities to play with your senses
(shame it only lasts so long)
crackling breaking snowy shards
creamy pottery remnants
once a work of art that bred much pleasure after a life spent in hibernation, naiive solitude
(shame it only lasts so long)
the calendar may remind
the streets at night may taunt and haunt and leave you breathless
but the eggshell remains are under your feet
solely for you to crush

-cj
Aug 2014 · 213
due east
smallhands Aug 2014
like teenagers in a craze we run into walls
point the other way
and we'll be running into the sun

-cj
smallhands Aug 2014
Apparently I've learned nothing
Falling down the rabbit hole
Becomes even more enticing
The temptation pierces and nags
And I want to forget, but it won't leave from under my skin
This boy, his eyes
His beautiful mind
The circumstances of my dreams
"Nothing is as it seems, " a lure to my own gallows
But smile harder, love
The best is yet to come

-cj
smallhands Aug 2014
she took one wrong turn and it made her go mad
it was dark, it was night, it was frightening
she was afraid and bit her lip,
what would her parents say?
roses bloom when a familiar road came into sight
(when half-spent was the night)

-cj
This isn't a "my first time" poem. The words are more literal than it would seem. The last parts are inspired by "Lo, How A Rose E'er Blooming."
smallhands Aug 2014
the good thing about love is it has this speed, so rapidly hemorrhaging the skin
to dye the eye take a peek in the scope
a prism, spectrum, cycle of bursting shades
it's no trick, darling, beauty is decked in these striped halls and passageways
fasterfaster now, light must go, to meet its fragile fate
(it meets your eyes and lives through you)

-cj
Aug 2014 · 237
speaking of funerals
smallhands Aug 2014
voices lower, eyes cast themselves down
to seize, to choke, to drown
death is an invitation and we cry and smile sadly
when it comes in the mail
(oh, how the envelope suffocates)

-cj
Aug 2014 · 1.3k
hummingbirds
smallhands Aug 2014
desperate wings flutter and dance
hide in an oak till winter blows into spring
when we will hear all the hummingbirds sing

-cj
Aug 2014 · 258
blank scattered verses
smallhands Aug 2014
grind anecdotes into powder
(it's destruction time, darling)
through the pearly paper invites something divine to be written
the words we'll speak will waste away into the fading light

-cj
Aug 2014 · 576
blood clot in poetic form
smallhands Aug 2014
february was fairly pink-shaded rows of days
felt unloved
and april was blue, and i was drowning
january was icy, and your heart towards mine changed
and the poems we write, cling to our veins
pale hands crave to seize the omens and turn them into stanzas to mutter late at night
a last hope to remember that this won't be the death of you

-cj
Aug 2014 · 326
you look swell
smallhands Aug 2014
waiting in the apartment, sitting on the low loveseat
windows of right before the eyes,
a mirror of what encircles this piece of home
entrance, shy and half-innocent
"you look swell," will you stay for long?

-cj
smallhands Aug 2014
superfluous charm, only kept for a time to depart
but the mind, like a magnet, won't be freed
silence, nuance, plead
and sparklynothings oscillate in melodies' wake

-cj
smallhands Aug 2014
The simple truths can pierce nonetheless
How, in morning's wake, the clock buzzes and screams, a mournful cry
And as your legs gather stamina and oxygen infiltrates your brain
Your heart begs to stay in bed, safe, undercovers,
Where there is no one to pretend with, none to breathe with then break from

-cj
Aug 2014 · 550
solemn breakfasts
smallhands Aug 2014
surely these fallacies were borne from little freshman philosophy
from a petite ballet-image copy machine
old was the notion that freedom came from satisfaction
the new age, the breakthrough:
to suffer is to live

-cj
Aug 2014 · 901
attracted to horror
smallhands Aug 2014
the air is so cold i could bite into it
teeth chatter, a teenage nervousness bestowed itself
we were so safe there, together, alone
nothing to be afraid of, really
so why is the fear attracting so many?
isn't it better to sit there, let him
unbuckle your seatbelt for you,
and divulge secrets of hidden away distortions?

-cj
Aug 2014 · 360
why won't the sun die?
smallhands Aug 2014
enough damage has been done
send our condolences to yonder sun
its yellow mask to beaches bask
killing purity as it stains and sinks down in
so hard to love but impossible to despise,
this overbearing sphere of flame
dismiss us to the caves and underground places, tis unright to see all the faces
that tilt up to gaze but turn sideways, a myth of blindness intercedes
ingrates people children users misers lovers keepers sleepers
(oh, grey skies, will the sun die with us?)

-cj
Aug 2014 · 309
touch every inch of me
smallhands Aug 2014
they say there are forces beyond our control
that reside within us
oh, how their whispers escalate into screams
it's worse than it seems, this need
heart insists, "touch every inch of me,  touch oh touch please,
carress and hold, tender and sweet"
i heard through the grapevine
then diamond rhombi on notebook pages climb
over each restless thought
surrender, this is war, touch oh bleed into me,
i will lose so gracelessly
no, stand up, free yourself now
(there is a force within that knows you can win)

-cj
Aug 2014 · 403
alone is fun
smallhands Aug 2014
Intimidated? Don't be, we're all mad here, it's manifest through the tree's tattoo
Camera slung around the neck, stealing angles to devise a plan of beauty, of green and blue and all happiness

-cj
Aug 2014 · 1.0k
tumbleweed anthem
smallhands Aug 2014
Wander, ebb and flow,
Discern where in this desert the wind should blow
There's a battlecry for convention
An even fiercer for freedom
It is the slight rustle when a tumbleweed passes

-cj
Aug 2014 · 821
all hallow's eve
smallhands Aug 2014
Bravery was the theme of the night
And we drove the streets like we owned the very air
We divided as we went too fast, much too fast
Go in for the ****, don't shy away, and other mantras
Repeatedly featured in lights in my head
Reveling in the dregs of the days after
It was time to prove something to myself,
To you, and to them
No costume nor mask accompanied my disguise
Only a door and some seventeen-year-old fear
Prevented any wild occurrences
It's the thirty-first, devil's luscious holiday
But for me, it's the rehearsal for kinesthetic romance
(Humour me on this all hallow's eve)

-cj
smallhands Aug 2014
Ceaseless scheming, a poetic hype
Mind exalted but body waning from
Strength to keep adorning a lyrical feature
Shut the curtains, it's oh so dark
And how you dread the morning
Slink away from your further pondering
And be captivated by the inside of your
Eyelids, for now

-cj
Aug 2014 · 233
minty
smallhands Aug 2014
History means to disturb us in horrible violet sequences,
bringing out the spots and toils of the inevitable past,  
creating this haste to escape

-cj
Aug 2014 · 294
pure blood
smallhands Aug 2014
Mum wasn't me
Dad wasn't me

-cj
Aug 2014 · 388
whole blood
smallhands Aug 2014
Mum was good
Dad was not bad

-cj
Aug 2014 · 268
half-blood
smallhands Aug 2014
Mum sang like an angel
Dad couldn't bellow one note

-cj
Aug 2014 · 288
playback
smallhands Aug 2014
Ready or not, here I come
I've counted to infinity and back only to stumble and clumsily lose track
I thought you said things wouldn't be so hard after the initiation or whatever that was
You must've lied, because every night has been a cross between a nightmare and a pretty story about the damsel in distress who is saved by her prince
I thought you'd hide around the corner to make this one easy on me but I ended up circling the town and what exists around to find you along with the mad love for pain in my chest, just laying in the residue of ink and mindful mess
(It was just a teenage hallucination, darling)

-cj
Aug 2014 · 307
obliv.
smallhands Aug 2014
Was it really just a matter of association? Because every word felt like a mistake
I wanted to walk down an alley with my coat buttoned up, paradoxes running wild in my head
Like the axioms and jilts of time, each wish withered, went good with grime
The simplest ideas went to waste- since there was a full moon, only washed up regret to taste

-cj
Aug 2014 · 316
the suburbs
smallhands Aug 2014
Most of the streetlights have been broken for years now, but a few hang on, flickering every now and then
While we slept the clocks ticked a little bit too loud for our liking, the stairs creaked like little screams every time we made a step
Mornings were rather sullen, with the moon still out and Dad snoring in the room across from us
There was a fog, too, one characteristic to where we lived, that came no matter the season, and we had to squint or cut holes out of it to see the street in front of us
The school bus was very yellow and the windows were like aviators and we sat in the same seats day after day, chasing the scenes outside
We and our friends were poor, but we were alright, wearing the same jeans for three days in a row without anyone saying anything about it
Mom and Dad fought alot
We went outside when they did and didn't come home until after dark
We'd ride our bikes around the neighbourhood, see the older kids smoking under the bridge
We'd climb the old tree by the elementary school and throw dares
When the streetlights came on we started to go back
It wasn't like we were thinking about the fighting or the liquor bottles on the kitchen floor or anything, really
We just wanted to go home
And when we finally went to sleep after scrubbing the dirt from our feet, the broken streetlights went on a few hours later, and another day was happening

-cj
Inspired by Arcade Fire's "The Suburbs".
Aug 2014 · 389
menntun
smallhands Aug 2014
Pencils tapping, stomachs grumbling, silent, empty lessons
This is the school soundtrack

-cj
smallhands Aug 2014
In the closet is a cipher I know fairly well who hangs up my coat for me and asks how my day is and I say fine
It's strange because the faceless have countenances particularly memorable, like this one
Its edges were faint grey, and the dark corners of its figure were not as harsh as something too real would seem
The most wonderful reason for this friend, this mirage, was that I was alone without it, an incurable loneliness that originates in my bedroom, with the meager window the only reflection of something different, of hope
It was dangerous to leave home, to stop touching that doorknob, knowing that each day it would only get harder to depart
It gave the kindest farewells, some in writing, with its ethereal script, some in French lullabies or quiet whispers of luck
Now, I reluctantly withdraw
I will most likely be coming back

-cj
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