I won't share you
not during witching hour, or rainy afternoons,
or when the moon gleams neon
to think there is another one that makes me
clamour for subliminal explanations, relief
you should know I can't always be the sweetest,
to **** maybes and what ifs must be done
you might say they're just people, we do things
together, it's nothing to worry about
but the thought of you close to her makes me
reach for my needle

-c.j.

I feel it all rippling like royal flags
within me
and when I look into a mirror I don't
recognise myself, my skin has
become so pale
blue eyes incite magic that god only knows
I can't control
inner sensations double as sirens,
piercing another likely story through the glass

I feel it all, and it's beginning to ache
so burn these flags for my body's sake

-c.j.

we won't go home immediately-
it's not like we seek cheap thrills, but
the urge to get away is indomitable
and tonight, we're going to run

finally, my saviour, finding me in
sweet disarray, and me doubting,
thinking you're not the one

but the night was not a mere visiting-
statue after statue felt our hands graze
their marble, heard us repeat, we won't
go home, we won't, not yet

-c.j.

how white lies linger in every room-
that sacrificial valentine, bleeding red
until white was gone completely
to restart the heart requires
something electric:
love

who needs you to pour the milk into the bowl?
a little stranger with a growling stomach
she hasn't been here yet
when she does I'll hold her and sing her lullabies
little hands, soft, and her hair is dark like mine
I think I need her, too,I think
she's elsewhere now
when she comes I'll kiss her and whisper
sweetness into her ear
yes, I need her
I can't wait until she gets here

-c.j.

fire rides down my spine because I'm angry
but there's this strange attraction between
my being and yours that extinguishes
the flame
have you tried collecting rainwater in a cup before?
this is what this is like- my hands hold this
overflowing vessel, and no matter how much it
may seem in vain to keep standing there, spilling
the water, fueling this endless cycle of fullness
and almost enough, I can't stop looking up at the sky
that bears the gift, transfixed

-c.j.

mother and father will break the fall
they will help me get to the far side
except they won't, they can't

father will stand by you in a suit that
lovely day, you in white
his eyes will beg, come home, dear daughter
we miss you in our lives, I miss you in my life
but his mouth will say, look at you,
you gorgeous girl, be happy, be good, love him

mother will sit in the first pew, smiling and crying
she taught you how to be good, to love
they may not break the fall, but they have taught
you all the parts of being that work and make miracles
they will meet you at the far side

-c.j.