You make me feel soft again and I thank
you for that
I went so long hating myself, but when
that summer came, you said the
honest things that stirred something
like happiness inside
For this I thank you, also
Months that saw me befriend cold
tiles and seemingly empty sheets
See, they are past, they are gone
You are now, you are here
Thank you, thank you, thank you

-c.j.

Who is god anyway? I've never heard
his voice or seen his face on the streets
He might as well be a silent ghost
People always tell me that he loves me
but I don't even know his name
Sometimes I wish he'd leap out of my
closet and scare me just to show me
that he's real and I can stop writing
of unsolved mysteries

-c.j.

You're something else
Hold my face in your hand, it's the
only way I'll remain whole
Why aren't you leaving, why isn't
your foot in the door
Why must I feel like every disaster before

To cry in your bed was
the last thing I wanted
But you, with your bedroom eyes,
your loud awful incredible eyes
Told me I was something else
Not someone else,
something else

-c.j.

Do you have wild theories about existence
Have you ever cried because you were so happy

I don't know-

I just want to know more about you

Maybe

You taunting creature

Goodnight, beautiful

-c.j.

Rebellion never tasted so good
These are the things I thought I knew, I sing
Plagiarising the familiar, sewing it on my tongue
We crept, locked doors, did the unwriteable

Did I really know before
When we're on the phone you playfully tell me
It was all a ploy, a clever ruse, me saying I had
so much to say
You stay on the line anyway

It gets better, they told us, and you pinned your
dream to your body
I told you, now you can relax with snowcapped
mountains on your chest
And you said, I will, but I would prefer you

Do you like staring at the back of my head
While everyone talks about law and confusing
things I typically ignore
Glancing back to you is my favourite part
We study the statue and then I leave to
read sonnets, you depart with the others to the water
The library feels empty without you

Remember when we were looking through old
cassette tapes and CDs and I put my hand on top
of yours for the first time?
That was rebellion, too
After lonely, after relapse after relapse
I found a light
and I held onto it

-c.j.

My love is gone to war
Against himself, the past
How soon is your last day?
Letters are not contraband
And I thank each star for this
Because, you know, before you
I knew not bliss

-c.j.

I don't know what joy is and I don't think I ever did
I starved for the inches
And my lengths and widths became careless

-c.j.