But I tried, I tried so hard, and for nothing
Cheap, wasted, no returns
Not even a pretty little compensation
What did I expect
Your head was full of air when mine was abuzz with dictionaries

-cj

Hands, plural to make us one
Near the end of August the heat told me to stop
It's vicious, wanting you
No milder than the jaws of winter

And every person not you cuts
On the street, our wounded lips
Before October and on silver screens
Your face projected on everything

You wanted the cinema, I thought
So I spoke fumbled niceties at your door
But the camera was stuck in my eye

And the words I scripted shifted into your mouth
The breaths I take, the breaths I shout
Your smile corroded in the rain
Your endless longing,
My endless shame

It keeps me in this thought
That what I feel has no name
But the credits crept up with the dregs of December
Money is noisy, and I liked your quietudes

But the snow will blanket my blood-buoyant bright
And I will drown into night
To lay by you until dawn
To lay by you until you are gone

Ashtrays
So that's where your casual soul lounges
Don't mind my stare
I'm just in awe
At the blatant disregard for
the facts, the proof
Hard, cold evidence
That comes from burning
your lungs
You will suffer
after those short
sparks and highs

-cj

He looks elsewhere when he talks & thinks about it
and I want to gaze in this way
for a while
The magnet of something
The poles are just the cores of us as humans
But the hands forcing the pull apart
are the ugly fingers of legality

-cj

Cut into rubber
then young skin
and like a ******
I bled
a lake of lustless blood
rubies liquefied into
the agent that has me
reeling & paling
I am a stupid little girl
who hurts herself
at each opportunity
like these knives
are tempting rumours
to spread
instead of duties calling
work, work, for the day is ailing
and the worst is neverending

-cj

elongate the hair strands, comb it downward to enhance its lengthening,
humour it with red, autumn colour
make it beautiful

multiply the diameter of my eyes
enlarge their oval spans,
darken & thicken the lashes that adorn the pupils & irises
make them beautiful

shrink the nose, straighten out its flawed slant
carve out the dead skin cells that reside in these pores
cleanse, make whole & alive
make it beautiful

white pearls for teeth, collect the stones from the sea, the clams in the bucket, saved just for me
for I have always wanted an enticing smile
redden my lips & tell me to pout
so the kissful temptations will surely start
make that beautiful

plant my bosoms in the soil & water them so they may blossom upon my fruitless chest
or better yet
toss them & roll them in flour
sugarcoat the skin
& cover my heart again with the ****** flesh you molded
make them beautiful

take this waist & spin it like a top,
watch the extraneous float off like air
skim shave settle once the slim figurine I desire is real before you
make that beautiful

these thighs are indescribable
charlatans, at a price
not for sale, but for myself
they weigh in differently at the times & places & ways that they either belong or stand without a name
make them beautiful

don't forget to look into my window blues,
gaze at me in a trance
because I don't really mind if they're from before or after this transformation
you are what the sun is to roses & what rain is to their roots
& when I kneel down to water her petals, red white pink
you whisper to me,
"make them beautiful"

-cj

The girl who sees through their games
The lies thick like ash but fragile as spiderwebs
She falls prey to their snares
Because she is human
And therefore weak
And vulnerable
She is polluted with the alluring smoke clouds of harlots mania wine & gold
Her eyes are darker in this state of blindness
A trance, an illusion
Her heart knocks on her mind's door
And she swallows her pride like the spoonful of medicine & no sugar she is fed by reality
But her heaven, her home
Is truth & light & purity
And it is within her again
Returning
And filtering out
The toxicity of
Frivolous cataract-inducing filth

-cj