This game we all play with fake masks
Many will remove the mask.
I've tried to take it off..
But it only gets more stuck...
There's always a voice in the back of my mind...
"They don't trust you."
"They won't like the real you.."
All of these thoughts clouding my mind..
Hide the truth from me..
They tell me to put on the mask..
To hide the real me..
How do I take this mask stapled to my face off?

What happens to a little girl
Who's father is slowly forgetting she's even alive
He's out drinking with friends dragging her along
Her anxiety would shoot through the roof
But he didn't care
All he said was "get over it"
As if he didn't know what he did that was wrong
Skip ahead a few years
He's still getting further and further away
Her smile becoming more and more believable
It does that If you practice for 4 year straight
Junior high was hard but her grades where good
Except gym
She couldn't do any physical activity
Her father yelled at her for it
That's when it came all crashing down
She gave up
She thought that If he would yell at her for something she couldn't control
It wasn't worth it
Meanwhile
He still believed he was a great father
No matter how many times people told him he wasn't
He kept dragging her further down an emotional spiral
He was in his own little world
He didn't see the pain he caused his only daughter
She was in his shadow everywhere he went
People told her to stand up to him
but she was to afraid of getting yelled at
To scared to tell him how she felt
She was broken
And she didn't see the point
So to this day
She's still battling this demon that began to follow her
Her father now out with people
Probably getting high
or drunk
Forgetting his little girl
Oh how much she wishes for him to come back
For it all to just go back to the way it was before
When he would actually ask about her
When she was standing with him
Not in his shadow crying
She asks herself everyday
"What happened to being your little angel?"
"Your little girl that you loved so much?''
But she would always ask herself
"why"
"Why did this happen to you?"
"Am I not enough?"
"Did I disappoint him?"
All she wants is for her real father to love her again
To actually be in his life again
She wishes someone would get through to him
Even though no one could
She'll still continue to wish

I am damaged
Far too damaged
But I'll never let it show
I'd hate to burden you with my words
I'd hate to make you worry
Because your smile brings me
joy
And I'll do my best to make sure your happy
A part of it is because I'm a little selfish
The rest is
because I love you
and I'd hate to watch you lose that beautiful smile of yours
So I wouldn't dare burden you with my broken and shattered heart
So I'll do my best to stitch it back up
Or glue it back together
So you don't have too

If I'm to die
How many people will remember my name?
How many will remember the real me?
If I'm to die...
How many tears will people cry?
How many dark days would follow?
If I'm to die....
Will anyone even care?
Will they notice?

Your words were like nicotine.
Hands like knifes.
You cut into my skin and calmed with your words
You made me blind to the damage you had done
I hadn't realized how badly I was cut. How broken I became.

Oh how it hurts
this pain in my chest
it feels as though someone has stabbed my heart
and is turning the blade
blood slowly trickling down my chest
as I scream for help
but nothing will come out of my mouth
all there is to be heard by my ears
is their laughter
their lies
and everyone's screams
but my own
why?
why now?
why was I never good enough?
WHY AM I ALWAYS BEING TOLD LIES?!
I'm sorry for whatever I have done for you to think
that I only deserve the brutal lies
I truly am
though
I have no idea what I did
I apologize for all of my previous unknown actions
the ones who made you believe I deserve it all
the ones who took everything I gave to you
the ones that made me who I am

Here we are again
there's a strange bad feeling in my gut
Today we have an assembly
which means:
loud cheers
shouting
a crowd
A big group of some of my fears
all together
all at once
my heart beats faster
tears start to form
the world around me seems to slow
my breathing begins to become a little heavy
it's happening again.
A panic attack.

Help me.
Help me for I cry to the moon
Help me for i cannot love
Help me... For I am scared of what they speak
Help me for i cannot help myself.
Help me **** these demons that hold me captive in my own dark and shattered mind.
Help me for I've helped you..

I wish for your happiness
I wish to see that brilliant smile of yours again
I hope for you to find a better love then I
For it was obvious I failed you,
Why else would you have left?


I wish you luck my friends
I will hide in this darkness I've rarely shown
Just so you all can live happily
Why would you want to care anyways?


I wish my love the best
I wish she will love me
As much as I love her
Why am I so lucky to have you?


I wish I didn't have to wish
I wish and I wish
But it's useless isn't it?
No one can wish for such love or hope
It's impossible..


Isn't it?

It's been so long
since I've seen or even heard you
since you've left.. it's gotten darker
the days are longer,
the minutes slower.

What happened to you?
You were the one who saw the good in everyone.
The one to pick up the broken pieces of someone else's story
and fix them
To everyone you were a good friend
No matter how much they hurt you.

Why would someone want to loose that?
Without a word.. you were gone
like a small seed in a wind storm,
flying across the world silently
hoping to land and grow a large tree or perhaps forest.
At least I hope that's what happened to you.
It's been so long..

My child,
If you are to love
Love as though every time was the first
Or as though there is a brand new light
A new light inside your soul.
Become an inspiration for others
Show them what love truly means.

My child,
Don't be afraid to fall,
We all fall for the first lie
No matter how cautious we try to be.
Don't be afraid to fall.
For that's how we know if it's true or not.