Whiskey Stevens was the best
**** piano (but say it pi-ana) player
I ever met: even with that missing pinkie
Whiskey though like most pirates (even the ones never seen a ship)
he wouldn't lay off that ***
which is funny since his nickname was
Whiskey but
he swore it was his given first name
and shouldn't define the kind of drink he
liked
By the time he met Long John Sally
who used to be a woman of ill repute
but now was a run and gunslinger with a revolver
in her boot
his liver was already shot to hell
pickled and rotten
and she was a hacking up clods of greasy blood
from what they called THE consumption
(consumption junction, won't long function!)
Well Whiskey thought he was gonna get lucky
but Long John Sally just wanted to try their luck
at a poker game
so she sat Whiskey down and made the stakes
higher than an ***** den ******
He had the better cards but he also made a crude
joke about Poker (but say it Poke-her)
and Sally whipped out her revolver
faster on the draw than poor Whiskey Stevens
hammered on the hammer AND A GOOD GA'LL ****
and poor Whiskey didn't die from liver
failure but head-staying-in-one-piece failure
Sally ain't got an ounce or pint or any other
measurement of remorse and laughs and laughs
but THE MAN UPSTAIRS gets the last laugh
because the laughin' started up a coughing fit
her last and worst
and she comes crashing down on the table stone
dead
cards and chips flying to the heavens
and Whiskey and Sally flying down to hell

Dead dog dead dog
Guts all down the freeway
in a ***** red streak
fur all mangled lookin
like Bob Dylan's hair

Plague plague plague

My dog's name was Missi
after this cousin I kinda
didn't like
but I never hated either
one to where I wanted
a dead cousin or dead dog dead dog

Plague Plague Plague

My cousin never writes
so I don't know what's up with her
but I know I got a dead dog dead dog
hit by a semi and pasted on the freeway
like gaudy modern art

Plague Plague Plague

Missi was a boy and he was a good dog
now he's a dead dog dead dog
let's go get drunk and
sing songs about Missi
his favorite one was that rambling
one about
Plague Plague Plague

Drank too
much whiskey
went to shoot Tommy Perkins

Spent all my cash on
the whiskey
clubbed Tommy Perkins
upside the head with the gun

and told him he better give
me the money he owes me

when he pays me I'll load my gun
and get back to the
original plan.

Oh hey hey hey Stop ! that get out of that garbage can
Look man . taking perfectly good
Excess food thrown into a dumpster
is still a crime
What?
No... it ain’t my job to
argue who’s committing the
Crime "I just work here man"
I ain’t interested in

your rants about the man Keeping us down
Look I know you gotta eat
/But

"Don’t make me get out my taser"
Don’t you know
One man’s trash is still
Their property until
It hits the landfill and
We Burn It Into
The Suffering Sky?

The boys hit the girls
and the boys hit other boys
the boys grow up and got guns
the girls too
and they shoot the other men and women
and boys and girls
and bury them in mass graves
but just the same
I love seeing the sunshine
when it's raining outside.