a beautiful illusion of happiness harshly burns at my throat & lungs

I found it at the bottom of a ***** bottle and among the ash and smoke of the burned green

loneliness digs the hole inside me deeper and deeper until I trip and fall into it

gripping to reality by the blade in my thigh

how did I get here

you've changed.
I don't know when you did.
you left me here feeling so alone and neglected.
I know you've stopped abusing your body,
with blades at least.
you drink a lot now.
I know you get drunk to forget.
you think it helps with the pain.
I see you drink day after day.
you only let people touch you when you're drunk.
I know you don't like it.
you pretend not to care about yourself.
I have a hard time caring about you too,
when you can't even care for me.
you look in the mirror every day and see me staring back.

I've changed and I don't know when I did.

depression presses down
on your open wounds
until you can't feel it anymore,
and all you feel is numb.

the walls of my mind are dark
and lined with framed photographs
of happy moments I can't remember