I like my dog
Because he’s a hero and a coward like me
Barking behind the window
Chest puffed out
Strutting the walk
And talking the talk
But that noise tapers off
Beyond the sturdy front door
Maybe
Sometimes
Giving one mighty heave
In his constant tug of war
He’ll get a whiff of courage
And bolt full throttle
To the source of his desire
Then turn
Assaulted by the backlash
From the anchor
Setting his feet
Deep in the fear of my dog’s brain
His nose gets rubbed in the mud
His tail shoots between his legs
As he notices the glistening fangs
The foot-long claws
And the fire-breathing mouth
Of the squirrel with his nut
Or the rabbit chewing grass
Or the things
Just like him
Barking
A little too close for comfort

I remember you like the first time
Every time
You’re the chill of wet lips
In a first kiss
The click of my favorite food
Against my taste buds
As I first realize
What a favorite is
You’re that moment of elation
When I first pulled it off
You’re a first ******
When everything is possible
And a last ******
When everything is precious
And scarce
And impossibly wonderful
You’re that crack in my perception
That moment
Where I stop
And realize
The world doesn’t spin quite so fast
Time gives me a thumbs up
While the trees snicker
But the universe just raises an eyebrow
And says
Now you see how beautiful I am?

To the pigeons that **** all over the world
Congratulations
You’re ******* *******
You shouldn’t even be allowed in a place like this
And that cold air that turns my mouth numb
Making me slur like I’m drunk?
Yeah don’t think I forgot about you
Why didn’t they stuff you somewhere in back?
You can go **** yourself like the pigeons
And the sun, so obnoxious
Everyone in this place can hear you
Turning my skin a healthy purple
What a ****
Oh and look who just came in?
The TV
She never has anything good to say
**** all y’all
I didn’t ask for any of this
I’d like to see the manager please
My request was simple enough
Some ambiance
Some quiet
Nothing near the restroom
Someone told me I’d get started
With a fulfilling job
A juicy paycheck
With a nice golden sear
Something I could really sink my teeth into
That could really make a difference
To tease my hunger, you know?
Everyone is always raving about the appetizers
At this place
Also, I ordered a drink like 15 years ago
What the hell happened to that?
Something imported
With eyes on the rocks
And some interesting problems please
Oh, don’t bother now
My entrée?
Yes, well, that’s fine
Great actually
Better than I expected
Maybe better than I deserve
Cooked just right
And still piping hot
Sweet and tender
But not cloying
You know how sweet can get, right?
And that sauce!
What’s in that?
I love it
It’s the sort that makes your eyes roll back
Honestly, I could lick the ******* plate
It’s just all those other stupid things
You know?
I lose focus
This place is a ******* dive man
A hole in the wall
But never mind
It’s fine
The food is good
I just really wish you could tell those pigeons at the other table
To stop ******* all over the place
I’m trying to eat here

86 years 55 days
The website told me
This is how long
I can expect to exist

I am a pauper
Among the wealth of the Universe
Handed a dollar of existence

55 years 46 days
The website told me
Is how much
I have left

8 hours per day
40 hours per week
2,080 hours per year
I sell my existence
Exchange it really
For American currency

16 years 119 days
My dollar is taxed by sleep
And I forget that bit of existence

Let’s itemize my spending
So we can make a proper budget

I’ll spend 6.39% of my dollar worrying about pointless ****
4% going to and from the place I sell myself
2.11% envying
1.98% hating
1.21% pouting
Or yelling at the dog
0.99% generally getting worked up about nothing
0.63% filling out forms and paying bills and whatever
0.37% talking about the weather
0.13% riding in elevators
Though this can sometimes be bundled with weather
For nice discount

Oh, what else?

How about the times preening in the mirror
Or wondering if my shirt is untucked
Or if people can tell I just masturbated?
God only knows the time spent
Attempting the rock hard, rippling abs of my dreams
And waiting in line
Cursing the old lady paying with a check
And a dozen coupons

What I’m saying
Really
Is how much of time’s currency needs to be spent
Walking, running, skipping, jumping and stomping in a circle?
Crowing angrily about how much I don’t care for this
Or for that
About what and who are wrong with America
With television
With music
With kids these days
Moaning about the left and the right
About the ******* Imperial measurement system
About crying babies on airplanes
And people who think a billboard threatening eternal torture
Is God’s will

How long
Really
Before I realize
Who, in the ****, gives
A running, skipping, jumping ****
And two *****
In change
That caring about that ****
Is for suckers
Who spend their lives
On get happy quick schemes
And opinions you can set your watch to
Solid citizens
Who get their money’s worth
Out of their vocal cords

When
When
When
Will I see the question
Instead of being put to the question
And the question is and always will be this:
When did I exist with you?
How many hours will I put away
For a rainy day
Walking, running, skipping, jumping and stomping in puddles with you?
When did I play and touch and love and kiss and feel
You?
What was my time spent
Being
Existing
Living
With you?

When it’s all said
When it’s all done
And I look at the blackness
With my pockets pulled inside out
Shrugging my shoulders
And falling to my knees
How much
Of this precious little currency
Will I have spent
On you?
And how much
Will I have squandered?

How much time will I have spent working
And squawking about the thisses and the thats
About the hims and the hers
About usses and thems
Cowering
A trembling little animal
Clawing for scraps at shadows
Hording dust and mold
All the while
Hurling solid gold
To the dark

When that’s it
And this is the end
What can be more to my life
To my existence
Than you?

Do you like my shirt?
You ask
Pulling the last piece of white fur
From the black shoulder
I thought about it
Sure maybe
I like black
I guess
Do you like that show?
You write
I consider the proposition
Remember a funny line or two
Yeah it’s pretty good
It makes me laugh
Sometimes
I guess
What about Celebrity A?
You say
I think I remember who that is
I think
The brunette on the right?
In that dress?
Mmmhhmm
She’s alright
I say
There was something she was in
Though I can’t quite remember what
That was pretty good
I guess
In the next breath
You asked another question
A bit off topic if you ask me
But with an easy answer
Do you love me?
You ask
And to that I say
Simply
Without a guess
Yes, yes, yes

I think dogs are humanity’s attempt
To engineer the most innocent being possible
Something that can play without thought
Sleep absolutely
And pretend to **** without hesitation or guilt
They're blank slates
Empty vessels into which
We pump all our love
Have it refined
And manufactured into joy
But the domesticator is also domesticated
The way they mold us
Into something more gentle
More kind
Something in awe of
Creatures that can squeeze more happiness
From a ***** old sock
Carelessly dropped to the floor
Than I could get from all the toys in the world

Speak loudly, clearly:
Today I touched you
A daydream of salted skin
And heat hoarded from the sun
I felt the thump, thump, thump
Of your dancing blood vessels
All in time
Feet kicking, stomping one after the other
And the smell
As your hair became my lungs
As the air in my air became me
Whisper now:
Today I flinched as you quivered
At my unexpected hand
Reaching for something it knew not what
Electric to my tongue
A peach in summer and soup in fall
Slurping the crannies and valleys of your neck
Sweet and savory
Your salted skin
Rough against my tongue
Electric to my teeth
Today I touched you
Your heat, your smell
Will haunt my sleep