I sat there, my head in my hands. My thoughts were going a thousand miles per second, yet i could barely figure out what i was really thinking about as if i was completely numb, the world was spinning but everything was completely still for me. Time had stopped, nothing seemed right. It was as if my world was torn apart. Here i am, in a chair, i sit not really knowing what was happening. I tried to stand up, but i could no longer feel my legs, they were gone, but they were there. I wanted to leave and fly away to somewhere i would not be found or questioned, but i was stuck. The weight of so many things i have been holding back came crashing on my shoulders and i could do nothing but carry it. It hurts, it burns, my soul aches for answers i knew i would never get, because every chance i had to ask for them, i ran away fearing that it would all go to pieces. Once again i wanted to get up and could not. I let go of my head and put my right hand on my chest, i felt something wet. Thousands of rivers were spilled onto my shirt, i looked down, and i was in the water. I lifted t head to look around and i was nowhere that was familiar to my mind, all i saw was water. Was i not just sitting down in a chair? I look around the water, and words were what i saw, every thought i had every word i had ever spoken. They took the form of water and slowing it was rising. I knew it would rise till i was submerged in it, and no longer was able to breathe, or see. I knew i was bound to drown, but i didn't want that yet. I tried swimming to get out of there, but my ankles were trapped. I went underwater to look, and all i saw were chains. Have you ever felt that? have you ever felt tied to your words? No matter how hard you try to escape, you can never do so, because those words you ever spoke are forever a part of you. Have you ever felt followed by your thoughts? No matter where you hide, in plain sight, or in plain darkness, they always seem to find you. No matter how hard you try you can never run away from them because you are forever trapped in a cell with your deepest darkest fears. You know, i tried many times to escape. I tried to get out of that ******* cell, but every plan fails and trusts me i had many plans. I tried escaping through love, through writing, through crying, i even tried nothing. And i still end up in that same **** cell. Of course, it gets easier, but for how long, a few days, then it all goes to **** again? I learned something though, the more you try to run, the more trapped you get. You can't get out of it. Some do, but when your soul is beyond ****** up, that's not a choice you have. You try to hold on to hope as tight as you possibly can, but even hope gets tired of you. What do you then? Do you give up? Do you let it all go and hope to god someone saves you? Do you know what I did? I let go of hope, i knew it was as tired as i am. I am now nothing but a floating spirit in the water, waiting to be saved from drowning in my own darkness. but, how do i let other people save me when i can't even save myself?