transforming brain turds
into ripe golden nuggets
of bite sized insight

Are you exhausted, shopping all day?
Are you exhausted ignoring me? I won’t go away.
Aren’t you tired of that humdrum existence of yours?
Give me a guitar and you won’t be bored.

A shiny Les Paul or an old Humbacker –
I’ll kick out the jams until me fingers are knackered
And you say, “Are you exhausted?” and I’ll say, “Yes! That’s the one!”
(The name of me album, that is, not the song.)

You should have seen me on stage back in seventy-six,
Jamming with my old mate Jimi Hendrix.
We was gods in them days, we were gee-tar kings,
though I only started playing ‘cause I couldn’t sing.

I played with all the greats, even Chuck Berry
(I strummed along on my guitar while I watched him on telly.)
I taught them all the great licks that made them so famous.
Just look at me now: a forgotten genius.

Now I’m walking the streets with me bottle of gin,
Of course I’m exhausted but I’ve got tough skin.
Now I’m talking to meself in the centre of town,
Yes, I’m exhausted but you won’t see me frown.

Once again the mainstream media manipulati
pulls the wool over the eyes of the mind-muddled masses
Too busy getting drunk on fear and distractions
to hear the distant laughter and see the smirk of satisfaction

All day long you offer up your parched heart to a cruel sun,
Your soul splitting itself upon stinging shards of desire.

With empty mouth and empty arms, holding tight to nothing,
Pulling always in the most painful direction: desire.

Memories mingle in a corner of your mind’s eye;
Muttered curses and love songs, a mashed up sludge of desire.

The soft tendril of a whispered sweet nothing teases you;
Coiled around you, it slowly suffocates. Like smoke, your desire.

All you ever wanted is out there, ripe for the picking,
But is it out there waiting to be tasted by your desire?

The smartest way to escape the arrows of desire is
To desire only what you already have: fool desire –

Long not for the mountain but the valley that cradles you
As you gaze at the sky. There you will be safe from desire.

While you’re busy burning for some Greener Place, this fire
Devours the threads of Fate until all that remains is desire.

I am nothing and I have nothing
in this world, everything's out on loan
As Charlie Manson said, "We are everywhere"
And everywhere I go becomes my home
I am the wind and I am the trees
I am you, just as you are me
So if you hate me, you're hating yourself, dontcha see?
I love you I love every facet of me

I think that I preferred it best
Further from the nest
For I can’t get a good night's rest
With all this ******* squawking

Is it greed, or just a deep sense of self hatred
That drives you
To punish your insides
In such a sadistic manner?
If the body is a temple, then god only knows
What kind of deity you worship.
And if suffering truly is the path to glory
Then your cirrhosed liver will deliver you, surely
To the land of Milk Duds and Honey-O's.

It is not a battle of good versus evil
But of man versus food;
Many are the casualties in this war –
Behold the fallen heroes,
Wearing their purple hardened arteries
Like badges of honour.
A triple heart bypass scar bears testament
To the bravery of these devotees
Who congregate daily at the All-You-Can-Eat.

We gather here today, in this cafeteria,
To witness this formidable challenge,
This ritual of self-desecration,
The stop-watch waiting
To count down the
Seconds
To your sweet salvation.
With eyes glazed over and bated breath
We will watch you eat yourself to death.

A celebration of gluttony,
The sacrificial lamb (and pork, and beef..)
Laid out before you, dripping
Hot sauce and melted mozzarella:
A 10 pound behemoth
That must be slain
In order to ensure victory
And bring you one step closer
To meeting your maker

Bon apetit

all I need is a jump start
to get this engine roaring
check the tread on these tired old tyres
so I can get this show a-rolling
defibrillate my heart
awaken my sleeping senses
always so slow to start
but I know I can jump those fences

this is a queue of epic proportions
put the army on standby as an extra precaution
thousands stand waiting and growing quite restless
getting soaked by the rain, the image is priceless
All for the love a little machine
wave it in public and make your friends green!
survival of the fittest, only the strong will survive
and make it to the counter with their new iPhone 5

those were the days
those halcyon days
all sepia tinted
under weird pink haze
we smiled at the camera
manufacturing lies
preserving the moment
with unblinking eyes
life becomes magnified
under a lens
but like a hipstamatic
it's all just pretense
just give me the blurs
and the eyes half closed
cause the truth starts there
not in the fake wooden pose

Gagged and bound
Hemmed in by eight swords, stabbing the ground
I'm afraid to make a sound
Alone and afraid
But at any point I'm free to walk away
And yet I choose to stay
Each sword a negative thought
A harsh word that I believed and bought
I am anxiety fraught
Not doing what I ought

My arms are tied
A red blindfold covers my eyes
I am trapped by my own mind
No one but me -
The only thing stopping me from walking free
Is my refusal to see
This persistent denial
Holding on to past hurts like a child
preferring darkness over light
It's time to reclaim my sight

I

Put down your wooden blocks, Miyagi -
Smashing stuff against your head and shredding the Yellow Pages
Is child's play to me
I can split atoms with my teeth!

II

Hey, long time no see, Miyagi
What's that you say?
You got caught in the fallout and now you're radioactive
Just like me?

That's great, buddy,
We'll call you the Blue Flash
And we can team up
Fight the darkness together

...You say you lost all your teeth, and your hair is next..?
Hey, Miyagi, that's not funny...
That kinda **** doesn't happen in comics

Where an accident in a science lab
or an experiment with nuclear energy
Lands you a seat in the superhero hall of fame
And then you adopt a suitably awesome superhero name

No, you have to be mistaken
Look at me - I didn't die from radiation
A steady dose has given me powers
Beyond my wildest dreams

But for you, it seems
more like a bad dream
Your white blood cell count drop, drop
dropping
Your body getting weaker
Instead of stronger
No, no, this can''t be happening
You say you can't go a day
Without the nausea and the vomiting
You pray for relief, for this
Journey into Misery to end

Here, Miyagi, my friend - take hold of my hand
And I will do my best to defend you
In your final stand
You and I, old bud,
Fighting the darkness together

when you're five years old
snow is a dream come true
better than icecream on a hot day
it's a laugh a minute
but when you're a grown up
with places to be and people to see
it's like an ice cube down your collar
when you're least expecting it

Hey
can you see me waving?
That small white flag
flapping weakly in the wind
that's me, that is
A strangled cry in a cacophony
of human misery and ecstasy
but this is not a distress signal
but an admission of defeat
Life, you've got me beat
I'm unsteady on my feet
and ready to fall
into an endless sleep
someone come and pluck me out of this
hated consciousness
I'm ready to accept
That I'm nothing
and never have been
anything other than
a useless peice of meat

What the f**k's happening?
I'm 18 again, and nothing has changed
I'm in my room again,
Thinking of a family
Who've forgotten my name.
Cut out of the frame,
I wish someone would explain
You all look so guilty
Yet I still feel to blame.
Thought I was healed,
That I'd bled it all out,
Now I just want to scream
But I can't find my mouth.
Time is no healer
It only helps dull the pain,
Though the pain is no less
When it flares up again.
Have you come bearing answers
Or some salt for my wounds?
Either way, there's no hope of
Rebuilding these ruins.
I'm just picking up the peices
A bit at a time,
Building a wall
To keep you out of my mind.

This is the colour of my anger:
A white hot searing fever
Tearing through my veins like amphetamine;
A surreal dream that keeps replaying in my brain
Over and over again...
Life is pain enough
Without other people
Making it tough. Guess I ran out of luck:
Top of the class and surrounded by  dumb *****
Whose only qualification is knowing how to trigger
The ticking bomb I've strapped on
In my anger.

This is the colour
This is the colour
This is the ******* colour

This is the colour of my anger:
This weird red mist with its fingers
Coiled around my brain,
Blurring my vision as I allow it
To make my decisions
For me. Again, it hands me the gun, then runs,
Leaving me to get the
Damage done. Well, aint this fun?
Three, two, one, and it’s time to take cover
I won’t get any sleep
Until I’ve shown you the colour
Of my anger.

This is the colour
This is the colour
This is the ******* colour

This is the colour of my anger:
A smouldering orange lava
That laughs at the wrath of the sun,
And I feel like the risen Son
As it pours out of me, heavenly,
Reducing everything in its path to the
Sum of zero
But this is just a fraction of what it’s capable of.
Hot and full of hell is my fury. ****'s getting gory.
It's time to remove the canker.
No more bluffing, I’m all in -
Let the games begin
With my anger.

This is the colour
This is the colour
This is the ******* colour

This is the colour of my anger:
The cloudless blue of my eyes
As I admire my workmanship,
Reflecting upon the new *******
That I have just ripped for you.
My smile spreads from ear to ear, like a slit throat,
Beatific in my ecstasy as this anger drains out of me.
The adrenaline that pumped so furiously
Now dumps its load in me, bringing me to my knees.
Enough, I say, as I see how small you stand there;
Let's call it a day, now be on your way,
Just remember the colour of my anger.

Don’t ever
****
With me
Again

i stare at photographs
until my eyes melt down my cheeks
i sit like this for hours
too overcome to sleep
it's like watching the dead rise up
and walk all over me
except they're so full of life
and it's me who's the zombie
thought i'd exorcised my demons
but they're back again
dancing around me in circles
trying to get back in
mocking me with glimpses of
what might have been
my childhood memories
are just a faded dream

keeps on rolling like a cat with a ball of string,
unravelling, travelling seemingly endlessly
into infinity, until one day it just

Let the orange flames lick the life out
of high hopes and grand schemes
until all that remains is
nothing..is nothing..is nothing is
what it seems

No more push and pull
I give in
To the small still voice within
Spirit is the only way to follow
Not the jagged path
Of the ego
Which basks in its own
Self righteousness
A wise man once said:
When you take a step back from a conflict,
You will find the seas and the skies boundless
And I have found this
To be true

I have no need for platitudes
just an attitude of gratitude
Everything that is behind me
and all that surrounds me
has it unique purpose
though not always visible upon the surface
it is there regardless
and believing without seeing is the hardest
but faith has its rewards
always something i work towards
though it's hard to let down my guard
and expose my tender heart
i will try my best to surrender
and abandon my personal agenda
no enemies or friends in this lifetime
only teachers of mine
every curse is a blessing in disguise
every loss is a gain in my eyes
and all the love i give, i strive to give for free
as i learn to love myself and others unconditionally

you lie
each time
you look at me
and inside
my pride
wants to kick the ****
out of me
for allowing myself
to be so pathetic
to believe
that anyone
could ever give me
something real
in this ever shifting world
how can I ever expect
to find something I can grip
something worth holding on to
something unbreakable
and true
I thought it was you
I thought it was them
See the pattern emerging
againandagain
It should've been me
but I'm empty you see
I'm all out of feelings
So just let me be