There is a hole.
Where my happiness lived.
I feel like I've been eating away at it.
Just to get through the day
sometimes.

The hole,
Is so massive,
wide,
and raw.
That I can no longer fill it.
All I can do is live with it.
And try to just let it heal.

But will it? Will it ever.

I feel so long gone.
I don't feel worth the love I have.

Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe I'll fill that hole.
Fill it with dirt I pull out of it.

Friday, January 13, 2012My Bleeding Heart
There has been a shift in me.
For this I was not prepared.
And, as always, love has happened
Unexpectedly.

And as I look on her, and breath her in
As I fall deeper and deeper
I see who I have become in my absence.
I have let myself, my feelings go.

My heart has grown as the weeds in the summer
and without proper trimming
they have over taken what was once beautiful
For this, my love, I am sorry

Once I grew bleeding hearts.
And although they were small and many
they were beautiful.
And I loved them Dearly.

But my hearts attracted none.
And so I tended them poorly.
and searched for other gardens.
Other flowers.

But for all the gardens I have seen
they were not mine.
They weren't my little hearts
So fragile, So small.

You lead me back to this place.
You've shown me that I have wronged myself
And that spending too much time in an others garden
Isn't building your own.

So come, Plant your seeds next to mine.
Let us trim back the years of growth.
Let us create a whole world.
Let us lay claim, to a garden waiting for a new flower.

For my wife, I'll love you forever.

I have no urge to care
Being pushed off, why should I
I'm cast off to the side,
but I still have feet to walk on
and hands in which to march.

The answer to rejection is apathy
if you don't care for someone
they can't hurt you.

The answer to never finding a soul mate
is to stop searching.

I used to dream of a glamourous wedding
of a love that could not be compared.
I once wanted things that were good
and solid.

Now all that structure I wanted
is just a dream, a fruitless dream
who could ever be with someone so insubstantial as me.
ever evolving.

So no, you can push me
but I won't fall
you can cut me,
but I won't bleed.

I bled enough.

My Theme
I am allowed to fall in love
over and over
What if I like that feeling?
That feeling of fire in my belly

I know what I feel is unacheivable
I know half the time you'll say no

But just like learning, the way to find love
is to sift out all those
unworthy
making mistakes, then learning from them

how do I know you're not eternal
if I don't sing you my song?
if I don't do my dance.
If we never make love.

I've learned from you that
no, maybe you aren't my mate.
And maybe we aren't destined
for eachother.

but yes you are as close to me
and as important.
and Yes, love is worth fighting for.
even a love
not built for me.