Laugh

You made me laugh
and it saved me
today

you made me laugh
so I threw the pills
away

you made me laugh
so I saved the bullet for another
day

you made me laugh
so I loosened the rope til it gave
way

you made me laugh
so I didn't cut the pain
away

you made me laugh
you saved me
today
because you made me

laugh

fly away little girl
don't think of bad things
let's go instead
to that place in your head
where no tears are shed

fly away little girl
don't lie here
in a world of pain
while your innocence is slain
stolen by him, mutilated and maimed

fly away little girl
let's play pretend
and go to a land
of sea and sand
where you can't feel his hand

fly away little girl
there's a place in your mind
where you can't feel his finger's gentle kiss
here he doesn't exist
you can create a world of bliss

so fly away little girl
fly, fly away

{ See, you're safe now, locked inside your mind }

holding on for so long
trying so hard to stay strong
fingers locked in a tight grip
slowly, slowly they start to slip
suddenly no longer in control
onward life continues to roll
feeble grasp is broken loose
imminent surrender a tightening noose
tumbling, falling so far down
an ocean of despair in which to drown
the fall is blissful time in empty space
crash landing in reality is a smack in the face
tired, weary, losing hope
can't seem to find a way to cope
closing out the world so well
all anyone will find is an empty shell

silence is my savior
quintessential quiet
bated breath
caring, comforting
it is an island
absent, absolute

engaged in a reluctant dance
trying to give you a chance
we stumble, we fumble
you pull me onwards as the violins grumble
suddenly the music stops
as a I hear your words my heart drops
a new partner I must find
to unravel the mysteries in my mind
the song restarts, cymbals crashing
out the door I feel like dashing
yet tentatively on I glide
from your gaze I cannot hide
I see the truth gleaming in your eyes
struggle to keep from telling myself more lies
I want to leap away
perform a grand jété
outwards I twirl
feelings a whirl
spinning away from your hold
turning my expressions cold
yet as your grasp tightens
the torment inside me lightens
you pull me close, you pull me near
all the whirling thoughts become clear
you won't let me go until I'm ready
instead you'll stay and hold me steady
until the day it's time for my first solo dance
the day I finally give life a chance

every day we plaster
a smile upon our face
to hide the inner turmoil
with a polished grace

every day we chatter
we pass each other by
every day we laugh, we smile
every day we lie

we ask: "hello, how are you?"
breezily we reply:
"I'm fine, thanks and you?"
we say: "very well, thanks, goodbye"

there's one thing never mentioned
one thing never spoken of
it's a guilty secret
the thing that he calls "love"

silently we suffer
our voices never heard
quiet as the midnight our
we never speak a word

mouths forever shut
speaking out is forbidden
constant anguishing
the pain is always hidden

quietly we learn
to live with all the fear
forever terrified
we push away all we hold dear

silently we fight
forever marching on
step after step
towards to breaking dawn

we hold aloft our swords
composed of shrieking light
to pierce the darkness
of our persistent night

as we wage our battle
our voices ring loud and clear
the silence is ceased
and we will share our plight for all to hear

no one should live in darkness
so I will let my story be
a catalyst I hope
to set my silent sisters free

sharp blade
loving metal
smooth creamy flesh
thin line of blood
glorious crimson
relief
happiness
satisfaction

I wish I could reach inside your mind
and pull out the genius I see there
and show it to you so you can see it too

I wish I could paint all of your gifts
and give you the painting in tangible form
for you to have and to hold, to see and to feel

I wish I could give you my eyes
so you could see you as I do
for it is wonderful, what I see in you

how could I be so naive
and believe
all your attempts to deceive?

now I question with guilt
how many stories have you built?
have you woven a small patch, or a whole quilt?

how could I be so blind
while played with my mind
and fed me truths you had designed?

you have betrayed my trust
the connection between us has withered to dust
I try to look upon you with disgust

but there's some part of me that feels
perhaps our rifts could heal
if only you could learn that to lie is to steal

I went to church today,
sat down and tried to pray.
Can't talk to someone who's not there,
though I'm told he's everywhere.
I want to believe but always fail,
lord may strike me down with hail.
At least that would be a sign
that it's worth believing in the divine.
Want to believe there's more to life after death,
instead of endless nothingness after your last breath.
Many others are blessed with this all powerful being,
but I must be blind because he's someone I'm just not seeing.
Walked out of church today,
feeling no different than yesterday.

he touched me and I broke
shattered like glass
too sharp to touch

towards the future I look
the horizon is bleak
for I see
forever broken I will be
shattered, for eternity