I really haven't treated you right. It's unfair.
And yet you still put up w?ith me. I owe you so much.


You've been through hell and back. I wish I were nicer.
Instead I only added to your problems.

You'll shrug it off, say it's okay. But I know it's not.

I will remember you. You were funny, and you were there.
That's all one can truly ask for, isn't it?
You, Sir, will not be forgotten.

You're different. Distinctly so.
When I first started talking to you, everyone you met was playing the same track on repeat.
I was no exception.
I lost your trust just like everybody else, and I legitimately lost sleep over how much I regretted it.
That didn't change anything, of course.
Why should I be treated different?

I learned a valuable lesson from it. I just wish I hadn't.
Because then I could have learned it later. And known you better.
But that's the thing about lessons-they're effective most if they cause pain.
I'll miss you. Your amazing writing abilities, your sarcasm that was actually funny, your unbelievable dedication to academics..and your running. Because it all tied you together.

I will remember you.
There's no way I couldn't.

You were always quiet. Reserved. Cool and collected.

All that went out the window when someone learned who you truly were.

I feel lucky to have learned a fraction of it.
Your writing abilities make me wonder what website you're ripping these from because holy s**t nobody's that good. It always leaves me wanting more.

All good things come to an end, of course. Including my time knowing you.
But I'm going to leave with a lot of regrets from last year.
If I hadn't been so **** stupid, maybe I would've gotten to know you better.
I wish I could have.


Your piano skills are dumbfounding. I think my mouth dropped open and remained that way the entire duration of your song during the talent show.
It makes me sad that you don't play more.

You have given me a fresh set of memories to enjoy. I will cherish them.
And I will remember you. I promise you this. As much as I've broken every other promise, I will keep this one.
I will remember you.
Always.

I am indebted to you, truly. For being there when nobody else cared.
For dozens upon dozens of nights filled with suffering, loss, tears, and blood.
For being my go-to listener. For teaching me to help myself and love myself.

Of course, you originally listened. And that's what I needed.
But things got worse. And then you finally told me that it's not enough. I need to actively help myself.
Naturally, I didn't listen although I should have.
It took 3 weeks of no contact for me to realize how ******* RIGHT you were. Of course you were. You always were. And still are.
Of course, I tried to help you too. I was a good ear (even though mine aren't), and over the years we've built a friendship specifically designed to last, if not the rest of our lives, then a VERY long time.
We know each other. But I especially feel privileged.
To have known someone as talented, beautiful, caring, funny, helpful, supportive, independent, and intelligent as you (although you don't really think you're that last one).
Our relationship was more electronic than anything.
For the past three years, I've disliked that more than anything else about our relationship.
But reflecting on it...maybe it was right.
Perhaps it was the only way it would work. We were in only partially connected social groups, and our personalities weren't really well designed for a more face-to-face relationship that I've developed with others.
Looking back on it..I don't think I would have had it any other way.
I cannot thank you enough. I really, truly can't. So I won't bother to try. I will look forward, and only forward, as you've taught me to do.
Because it does get better. We'd both know. We've seen each other grow out of our problems, laugh at them, and then deal with the new ones. Finally, we've reached a point where we're both happy.

Isn't it splendid?
While I will definitely miss seeing you (because hell if I don't find you really attractive), I won't miss you nearly as much as I will miss others.
With others, we talk about how we'll stay in touch, but rarely do we actually do so.
With you, I know I'll keep talking to you. Our relationship will continue to grow, and my departure is perfectly timed-our relationship has reached a level of trust that cannot go much higher (if it did, it'd kinda get really weird and awkward and personal).

So I view this as a bump in the road more than anything else. Our friendship will continue.
And I will remember you. I will remember you as you grow to chase your dreams that seemed light years away but are now in our atmosphere. And with your head in the clouds, it will be comparatively easy.
In short, I love you. I will miss you. I will never forget you.
And I will look forward to a lifetime of correspondence.

Words cannot describe my feelings towards you,
Although, hell, I'll certainly try.

I love you.
although, as I used to say so often, "not that way." Purely platonic (as I routinely reassure everyone).
To say you've been a big part of my life is an enormous understatement-
You've been there as long as I can remember.
It's only recently that I've grown to truly appreciate you,
from laughter and jokes via Google in English class
to whispered secrets in orchestra.
You always told me those secrets with a smile on your face, even though
they were impossibly sad.
Why?
Was it because you wanted to look like you were saying something normal?
Or was it because you didn't think you could say it without crying, so you forced yourself to smile?
You saw through me in my darkest hours,
And managed to forgive me time and again.
I owe you so much.
You're beautiful, talented, funny, and strong.
And he  broke  you.
He took your heart.
He cherished it, made you feel important.
And then he shattered it into more pieces than there are stars
(of which you claim to not be good at writing about).
...twice.
And still he ignores you, which requires both arrogance and selfishness at levels so extreme,
Odysseus would tell him to get a grip, and Caesar would be disturbed.
..
And you deserve so much better. I want to remind you of that. He's nothing, he doesn't deserve you and he never will.

To forget you would be a heinous crime,
One I will never be guilty of.
Whether it is tucked away in the expanses of the universe inside my head,
Or stored as ones and zeroes in the conversation records of many a different software, accumulated over the years...
Or in the papers, which you will be in someday, with that kind of writing talent.
How could I possibly forget those chocolate eyes which tell me so much when you tell me so little?
How could I possibly forget those nights in Italy, when everything went to hell and you just couldn't take it?
How could I possibly forget these memories that you've left me? Some of my favorites?
How could I possibly forget you? You beautiful, talented, special, powerful, selfless, kind, funny girl?
I will miss you more than anyone else.
And I will remember you.
When my new dark hours come, I will remember what you have told me.
I promised you, after all. And I keep my promises.



*Especially yours.

Le Chatlier's principle only goes so far-
My system will not return to equilibrium.
There is too much stress-socially, academically.
Emotionally.

*What is one to do?

Your dreams are where your heart is
They're more fragile than life itself
Over and over you cast them aside,
only to find more
Now, rest in peace
Pounding impulses defile the things we wish for
and the more we forget
the more we remember again
In this beautiful, cruel world
all I can do is ask why we're still alive
Oh, with our strength--and our weakness--
What are we going to protect if there's no sense
to anything anymore?