Moving on is such a hard thing to do.
Life will go on,
with or without you.
I need to learn how to let go.
I need to learn how to be free.
Tears should no longer sting at the back of my eyes.
You aren't worth it anymore.

I don't know why I try.
I always want what isn't there to be mine.
Always.
I always fall for the ones with a dark past,
brooding eyes,
a mysterious smile,
a quiet confidence.
I always become just a friend.

Why do I do this to myself?
I set myself up to fail.
Maybe I should settle for the boys with no brains,
no culture,
no class.
Maybe I should set aside my values,
my beliefs,
myself.

Maybe I should just stop waiting on you,
compairing other guys to you,
seeing only you.

Maybe I should just let things happen,
hopefully they will,
eventually.

With college comes rebellion,
Or at least that's what I'm told.
New hair, piercings, "self exploration."
"I'll never change,"
I would always adimately insist.

But now things seem so different.
Is this really who I want to be?
The goody-goody everyone trusts?
I want to show I can be something different.
I'm not all cardigans and pearls.
I can have a little danger, a little rebellion.
I have already been tamed,
Conformed in a certain image.
Now it's time to let loose.

"No I'm not the man I used to be lately,
See you met me at an interesting time"

-I don't mind. I like things interesting.

"If my past is any sign of your future,
You should be warned before I let you inside"

-Give me all the warning you want. It won't stop me from wanting to know you more.

"Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through"

-I think I found it. I think it's you.

"I don't trust myself with loving you."

-I'm scared too.

"Who do you love me or the thought of me? Me or the thought of me?"

-Maybe both. I am scared to admit it to myself.

"I don't trust myself with loving you."

-I don't either, I don't either.

When the world is drenched in grey, that is when I feel the most alive.
Cool drops hitting my skin, it's like each is a bit of knowledge awakening my soul.
All the colors muted, mine seem to shine.
You can't keep a good girl down, or at least that is that the saying is.
Splashing through puddles, water speckles on my glasses.
This is when I truly feel alive.

The dance of you is sure and slow.
You pull me in,
hold me tight.
We sway to our own music,
a melody only our souls can hear.
My head on your chest,
your hands on my hips.
Our rhythm is slow and building,
just like those old swing songs you love so much.
We can dance like this forever,
for the rest of our lives.

I guess I should take down our pictures together,
I guess I should forget about you.
I guess I should move on,
But why is it so hard to do?
They won't love me like you did,
Other guys don't get that sparkle in their eye.
We were a short time, love,
Fast and furious,
Meant to burn out,
like those shooting stars we used to wait for.
I guess I should stop romanticizing our memories together,
Start remembering your flaws.
We weren't meant to be,
And I have found a man now.
So I guess this is my goodbye,
I'll see you in the next life.

Kiss me on the forehead,
And push my hair to the side.
Pull me into your arms
And tell me it will be alright.
Whisper in my ear by the light of the moon,
"My heart is all yours."
Dreamers will always dream,
But this one I hope to make true.

The endless cycle,
Or so it goes.
You pull me in,
Then let me go.
Tell me you want me,
Even if it's a lie.
That's all I need,
Just for one night.
I want to feel your rough hands,
Temble at your soft kiss.
You know what it takes
To send me into sure bliss.
I want to cry in your arms,
Laugh by your side.
I want to be the one you confess to,
The one that makes your eyes go wide.
I can only hope for this,
And not much more.
I can be your now,
Better than the ones before.

It pulls me in,
always towards you.
Maybe it's the thought
of what we could be,
should be.

Maybe it's because I don't want to let my family down.
"Why dont you have a boyfriend to show us yet?"
They all ask or think.
"I don't know."
It's all I can muster.

I know this isn't true.
I like you because you are genuine,
you aren't like the others.
You have culture,
you appriciate the value of simple words.
Maybe it's fate pulling me towards you.
All I know is,
I don't mind.

Let's pack up your old car and head out east,
To a coast where no one knows our names.
You'll wear those dark shades and I'll dye my hair brown.
We can start over, change our names.
I've always liked Camille.
You say it's forced and contrive, but you like it for me anyway.
You'll choose Wadsworth or Earnst, just to be witty.
We can shop for our new personas at thrift stores in the towns we pass through.
We will look ragged and worn, just like the cover of your favorite book.
You always find the beauty in the rough edges, you tell me I look the most beautiful when I first wake up, or just get out of the shower.
You are a true romantic. You don't belong in this dust filled state. You be long somewhere better.
Let's pack up your old car and head out east, where you can truly be free.

I'm one of those girls,
That keeps a note pad by her bed,
Lays awake all night just thinking.
I'm one of those girls,
That replays moments in her head,
That thinks of words she left unsaid.
I'm one of those girls,
Always just a friend,
Nothing more.
I'm one of those girls,
One that hopes that maybe you will say,
"You're not one of those girls,
You're just the girl for me."

The stars over head twinkle
With the thought of young love.
The wind rustles through our hair
To urge on our emotions.
His hand firm on the small of my back,
Pressing hot into my skin.
We sway into each other's arms,
Lips trembling with anticipation.

After exchanged whispers of adoration,
Those trembling lips tremble no more,
And find each other in a sweet moment of innocence.
A first time shared.
A kiss not to be forgotten.

Another lonely night,
Another half empty bed.
I long for his touch
that sent chills
Down my spine,
And the butterflies
Wild inside me.
A school girl smile
Wide across my face.
I can't help to think
That he feels it too.

But hope
Always kills
In the end.

It kills me
To see what he had
With her.

Can I ever have that?

The sparkle in his eye,
That outrageous smile.

I want him to have that again.

I want to have that too.

I want us to have that together.

But I always want what I can't have.

Voices
Fight inside me.
Who am I?
Where am I going?
Why can't I be all of me at once?
What am I?
Musical.
Artsy.
Moping.
Peppy.
Leader.
Happy.
For now,
I am,
And will be,
Me.

In the bottom of my coffee cup,
It holds no coffee,
No tea.
No, not for me.
It holds something more,
A memory.
A smile shared,
A tear cried,
A hug felt
For all time.
In the bottom of my coffee cup,
There is no you,
No me.
Only us.
What is,
Was,
And is to be.